Sonic Adventure: The Ultimate Parody!
by jackattack555
Summary: A look at the many stupid, funny things about the first Sonic Adventure game! Brought to you by the author of the famous Sonic: Truth or Dare...so expect lots of laughs in this!
1. The Stupidity Begins

**This is it…my parody of Sonic Adventure! Disclaimer: I don't own SEGA, the Sonic characters, Grand Theft Auto, Zelda: Ocarina of Time, the Geico Gecko, New York, Guitar Hero, the "rocket that looks like a-" scene from Austin Powers, the Kemo/Tristan fight scene from Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series, anything else from Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (expect LOTS of references to it throughout the fic), the term schwanzstucker (That's from Young Frankenstein), Monty Python (Not in this chapter, but later), the laws of physics (whoever owns those must be REALLY rich by now!), or any other of the tons of pop-culture references made in this! Wow… that was a long disclaimer!**

**Anyways, this is teasing the actual GAME version of Sonic Adventure, not the version done on Sonic X (last I remember, the first fight against Chaos was at NIGHT-TIME, not in the middle of the day!). Also, I make up a LOT of things that didn't happen in the game (like Knuckles' back-story).**

**Let's start by teasing the opening montage of the game…**

**

* * *

**

First, the image of New York-I mean, STATION SQUARE was shown, followed by a sudden sewage backup in there. People started running around panicking, mainly because they had trouble figuring out who they should sue FIRST for this!

As the city's manholes were lifted up by spouts of water, suddenly a giant wave came in. This flooded the whole city and totally ripped off the movie The Day After Tomorrow.

Suddenly, the windows on one of the flooded buildings started breaking level by level. One would normally assumed that this was caused by looters taking advantage of the situation, but then the water spouting out of these broken windows turned into…a giant blob!

As the giant blob started forming into a monster's head, it sent out a roar that actually sounded like "aroo…".

Then, a scream from SOME RANDOM GUY could be heard. But he was NOT screaming about the creature! What he was actually yelling was, "What the (bleep) happened to my car?! WATER DAMAGE?! My insurance company had better cover this, OR ELSE…"

Just then, a random gecko came on and said, "You know, with Geico you could have covered more of that on a better rate, while…" and he continued telling the guy how to choose his car insurance. IT WORKED.

Meanwhile, the montage continued by showing the MAIN CHARACTER going at a high rate of speed, making THE PLAYER wonder "How the hell is he not crashing? He's just going past all of those trees, despite the fact that anything moving at that speed wouldn't be able to SEE obstacles coming!"

Just as THE PLAYER is wondering about this, Sonic the Hedgehog crashed into a tree from his high speed. While Sonic rubbed his head and said "Owwww…", THE PLAYER is laughing his/her ass off.

While Sonic first appeared on, the montage started playing some intimidating rock music. SEGA obviously expected THE PLAYER'S reaction to be "Hey! If it plays rock music, then it obviously has to be the COOLEST THING EVER!" SEGA was horribly wrong.

Also, there was an image of a floating island falling into the ocean. The game once again proved how it can defy physics. While showing Sonic running, the montage then cut to showing images of the other main characters of the game.

This included showing Miles Tails Prower flying away while a building exploded in the background, with him singing "Secret…agent man! Secret…agent man!"

Also the montage showed a scene of Amy turning around with her jaw widening in awe. Normally one would've assumed that she was looking at some evil robot of Eggman's, or perhaps the aforementioned giant blob.

But what the camera didn't show was that she had actually just noticed a new sale at the GAP! She yelled "Oh…MY GOSH! I have to get that new skirt!" and she promptly ran in.

Another montage scene showed Eggman standing on top of the Egg Carri-I mean, SOME RANDOM FLYING SHIP. Phew…THE PLAYER doesn't need to know about that secret yet!

So while Eggman stood on this random flying ship saying "In Russia, SHIP FLY YOU!", THE PLAYER is wondering not what the ship is, but how the hell Eggman is standing on there despite the fact that it's FLYING, and therefore has lots of topside wind resistance.

Suddenly, the camera cut away from Eggman just as he realized this fact, and he was immediately blown off of the ship by wind.

While Eggman was screaming, the montage showed some more scenes of other, unimportant characters who contribute LITTLE TO NOTHING FOR THE PLOT. Then, the montage just kept flipping back between scenes of Sonic and the giant blob.

Finally, the montage ended with the giant blob's eye pupil dilating, and the screen suddenly started rapidly changing color while the blob yelled "MIND CRUSH!!!".

This made Yami Yugi very pissed upon seeing this, and he immediately contacted his agent. "See you in court, suckers!"

-

With the montage over, the story started on Angel Island, with Knuckles the Echidna narrating. It was a dark, stormy night…convenient plot device, isn't it? And it's also strange that a bright, happy emerald should be placed on a GLOOMY, DARK floating island.

Knuckles started by saying "I've been living on this island, guarding the Master Emerald for all of my life…Why? I don't know…"

THE PLAYER responds "Maybe because you're a DUMBASS?!"

Knuckles ignored this and continued by saying "I think it might have all started a long time ago…" and he got into a flashback.

In this, he was on a playground with other little echidnas when he decided to take a "personal field trip" to the Echidna Town Center.

Later that day, the townsfolk saw the Town Center burning up, and Knuckles coming out of there with burns all over, saying "Stupid lighter fluid…how was I supposed to know it was FLAMMABLE?"

Time for rejection by the other echidnas! The echidnas declared him too stupid to function in society, and so decided to give him a job that would keep him busy until the glorious, cheerful day that he would die!

With that strange flashback over, Knuckles said "I remember that…THAT WAS AWESOME!!!".

THE PLAYER sighs at Knuckles' stupidity. But the story has gone way off track for one line, so time to get back to the plot.

Since guarding the Master Emerald was the only thing he was meant to do, and his entire life revolved around it, he was obviously SLEEPING ON THE JOB. This fic is not kidding.

Meanwhile, the MYSTERIOUS FLYING SHIP was floating nearby, apparently having been seeking out Angel Island. Because that's what you do when you're on a flying ship. You seek out dark, gloomy floating islands.

The ship had actually only stopped because Eggman had given himself yet ANOTHER heart attack, but once he was revived he promptly started searching for some nearby fast food places to calm himself down.

Eggman said "Damn it, I need my fix! Why doesn't that floating island have a McDonalds? They're EVERYWHERE ELSE!" In his anger, he decided to blow up the pretty jewel in the middle of that island.

To do this, he fired the ship's HUGE-ASS LASER™ at it…but it did absolutely nothing to the jewel. Therefore, he did the smart thing by…TRYING IT AGAIN! This led to yet another epic fail.

Remember that Knuckles was sleeping through this entire thing. THE PLAYER says "Guardian of the Master Emerald, my ass!"

Eggman was getting really pissed by now. Therefore, he did what impulsively angry people always do when sunk to their lowest…he threw his shoe at the emerald. This caused the emerald to immediately explode, sending pieces flying everywhere.

Knuckles FINALLY woke up at this, and turned around to see the Master Emerald mostly destroyed. He said "Hey…something's wrong with the Master Emerald! I can't figure out what, though…"

He started thinking, along with brushing some of the Master Emerald shards off of him so that they wouldn't distract him. He said "Hmmm…I still can't figure it out…" THE PLAYER is banging his/her head against the wall.

As Knuckles continued his ever-so-slow thinking process, two things came out of the remains of the Master Emerald…a blue puddle and a glowing light. When Knuckles looked at the light, he said "My annoyingness sense is tingling!"

The blue puddle is new, but it doesn't take too long for THE PLAYER to recognize what the glowing light is, especially once it said "Hey! Listen!" as it flew off.

-

Meanwhile, in the faraway kingdom of Hyrule, part of the empire of Nintendo, a boy in green was curled up in the fetal position in his hut. He was still remembering that abomination known as Navi that he had gone through his entire adventure with.

The words "Hey!" "Listen!" "Look!" and "Watch out!" would never leave his head for the rest of his miserable life. Suddenly he said "Whoever next encounters her…may the goddesses help them!"

-

Back on Angel Island, as the annoyance-I mean, THE LIGHT flew off, Knuckles looked at the blue puddle. Suddenly, it rose up into the form of…a rock star! It looked like a human, except it had extremely long hair in the back of it, meaning this was something that had played WAY too much of Guitar Hero.

Suddenly, Knuckles' brain committed a miracle by making the connection between the blue thing and the broken Master Emerald. Knuckles charged at it, while his voice suddenly changed to one sounding like Barney the Dinosaur when he said "My voice gives me super strength!"

The blue blob jumped up in the air to dodge Knuckles' punch, and if it could speak English it might have said something along the lines of "Yes, but my hair allows me to defy gravity!"

It smashed down on the ground, sending Knuckles flying while he shouted "Oh, the humanity!"

As Knuckles hit the ground, his voice changed back to normal and he decided to be smart by TRYING THE EXACT SAME THING AGAIN. He ran back up there, but the blue blob was already bored of this idiot, so it chickened out and fled.

Knuckles started up a victory dance, and would have continued it for eternity had it not been for the island suddenly crashing without the Master Emerald. As Angel Island hit the water below, this created a giant wave.

Two people nearby were surfing at a VERY BAD TIME, and one of them looked up and saw the wave. He then said "Whoa, dude! SURF'S UUUUUUUUUP!!!", as both surfers were pummeled by the giant wave.

But they're not important. What is important is that now Knuckles was upset, so he decided to go on another crappy adventure to calm himself down. He declared "I'm getting used to this Emerald-collecting by now!"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes and says "Thank you, SEGA. That was sooooo original of a plotline for Knuckles. The Master Emerald BREAKS?! Imagine that…" Also, THE PLAYER notes how this already sounds similar to the plot of Inuyasha.

As this happens, the game now shifted away from Knuckles, who would not appear in this fic again for another few chapters. Knuckles said "Wait, WHA-" as the game shifted over to the beginning of Big's story.

-

This story started in the jungle during that night, as a flaming ball suddenly crashed into the jungle. THE PLAYER says "Oh my gosh! The Cloverfield monster is in this game? Sweet!" At the game's end boss fight, THE PLAYER finds out that he/she is surprisingly close in that guess.

Since Donkey Kong- I mean, BIG THE CAT was too stupid to get off of his lazy ass and check it out, Froggy decided to look at the crash. But then, a mysterious blue puddle charged towards Froggy when the screen suddenly blacked out, causing THE PLAYER to say "Aw (bleep)! Who cut the cable on the TV?"

Suddenly, the next scene showed Big waking up, unfortunately not dead, to find Froggy with a strange new addition. Big said "Uhhh…Froggy! What happened to you? You now have a really big-"

"Johnson!" shouted a military commander to one of his soldiers. "Let's look up on where Eggman is…using Mapquest!"

Johnson replied "Okay, sir. But you might want to check this out. A frog just swallowed that blue thing's-"

"Long stuff!" said Sonic as he was watching the movie War and Peace on TV at his home. "This movie is taking forever! If the plot doesn't get moving soon, I'll just pass the time away by playing with my-"

"Willie!" said Eggman to one of his robots.

The robot replied "Sir, my name is not Willie."

Eggman said "How dare you question me! Now your name is Willie!"

Meanwhile, THE PLAYER is too busy throwing up over the disgusting revelation about Sonic just made in his last statement. THE PLAYER is trying to get the image of Sonic doing that out of his/her head.

Back in the jungle, Froggy finally did the SMART thing and left Big. Big said "Uhhhh… Froggy? Why are you leaving?", despite the fact that you don't really need a reason to want to get away from Big.

Big said "I don't get it. I've always been glomping him and licking him to get high off of him, and now he just leaves me! COME BACK!!!" and Big ran off into the night. This fic would make sure to not bring him back in until an even LONGER time than when Knuckles would return.

-

Finally, the story went to Station Square, where our main hero was outside after having earlier done really disturbing things to himself that this fic won't mention. He jumped from building-to-building in his usual physics-defying manner until a helicopter flew by. The pilot saw Sonic jump by and then said "Wow…I've got to lay off of those sleeping meds from now on…".

When Sonic went on top of a building, he looked over the whole city and said "Aw yeah! Now I'm stuck up here with no safe way down! Yay!" THE PLAYER now knows who inspired those kids to climb on top of his/her house the other day.

Then Sonic noticed some police cars zooming by towards city hall. He immediately said "OH (bleep), IT'S DA COPPAS!!! They've probably found Tails and busted him for-wait, why am I talking like this? This is Station Square, not Vice City!"

The mention of Vice City suddenly brought back terrible memories of when Sonic heard about Mario and Luigi's fate there, while working for the show Robot Chicken. Sonic shuddered at these memories and said "May they rest in peace…", resisting the temptation to say "HAHAHA! Take that!"

Anyways, Sonic suddenly realized that the plot wasn't going to move itself, so he jumped down to investigate what the cops were doing. He said while jumping down "Maybe I can see a shootout! SWEET!"

At City Hall, the SWAT team was surrounding the entrance and looking at some blue thing standing over the entrance. The commander (same one as mentioned earlier) said "What's this protestor doing? Hmmm…this thing seems to be trespassing on city property, which is a minor offense…SO LET'S BLOW ITS TRESPASSING ASS TO HELL!!!"

With that, the blue blob jumped down to the ground and the soldiers started shooting at it for no legal reason. It wasn't attacking at them, but they were still shooting it. When the bullets started coming off of the creature, meaning they had no impact whatsoever, the soldiers stopped shooting.

One soldier, however, decided to continue shooting at it. This was to defy all logic that has ever existed. "DIEEEEE!!! " he yelled while shooting, but the creature just got bored after a while and stood there.

The soldier finally stopped, then fired a couple more bullets before getting his gun taken away from him. He then said "Awwww…I didn't get to kill the monster!" and walked off depressed.

Then Sonic FINALLY jumped in on the scene, saying "Hooray! If this thing could fight off an entire battalion of SWAT team members, then I'm guaranteed to get my ass kicked! FUN!"

THE PLAYER now realizes that Robin Williams was right when he said that a guy has a brain and his…schwanzstucker…and only enough blood to work one of them at a time. And THE PLAYER suspects that Sonic isn't the type to choose his brain too often…

On that context, Sonic looked at the blue blob, then looked between its legs. He then immediately rolled over laughing, yelling "OH MY GOSH! HA HA HA! He's missing his-"

"Peter!" yelled the SWAT commander at one of his soldiers.

The soldier replied "I'm Johnson! Peter's over there!" and he pointed to a soldier on the other end of the line.

The commander said "Oh…sorry!"

Back in the fight, the blue blob was now extremely pissed at Sonic, and therefore decided to BRING IT ON. The fight started up with some random letters being typed onto the screen saying "Chaos 0".

THE PLAYER is saying "Holy (bleep)! Who hacked into my TV?" before realizing that it's a part of the game.

Sonic reacted to the letters by saying "I don't care what its name is, I want to kick its ass! If I was trying to become FRIENDS with it or something, then I'd want to know its name. But when I'm FIGHTING TO THE DEATH with it, I don't want to know its name!"

The letters then suddenly deleted and the screen typed "Shut up" for the boss name.

This caused Sonic to grumble "Fine…", and he went into the fight against Chaos.

Chaos immediately started with stretching out its arm to do a long-range punch, which Sonic dodged by jumping. THE PLAYER says "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did this game just rip-off Reed Richards from the Fantastic Four? Why does this game infringe on so many copyrights?"

Sonic started wondering 'Hmmm…I wonder where its weak spot is." He ignored the fact that its head was GLOWING, which might have indicated some kind of importance.

Meanwhile, THE PLAYER is too busy celebrating. "FINALLY, these cut scenes are over and I get to actually PLAY!" He soon learns to regret this, however.

Sonic said "Hmmm…I just still can't figure out where to hit it! That glowing nucleus can't possibly be suggesting anything in the way of defeating this thing…"

THE PLAYER then says "(bleep) this! Things are going my way now!" and he/she grabs the game controller.

Sonic suddenly jumped and did a homing attack, hitting Chaos in the head and turning it into a puddle. Sonic then said "OHHHHH! I get it…wait, where do I hit it again?"

Chaos turned back to its humanoid form, and then stretched out its arms. It then spun around in circles and started doing…a ballet dance!

THE PLAYER says "What kind of attack is that? Seriously…" He/she has given up on trying to figure out how Chaos can skewer physics so horribly.

Sonic easily jumped over Chaos' arms and hit it again. Then Chaos decided that since it had already ruined physics in a million ways, it might as well make that a million and one. It jumped on top of the nearby light posts and started attacking Sonic from above.

Sonic said "Hey! Come back down here where I can kick your ass!" Chaos stupidly decided to comply. Is it a wonder that it got hit again?

Finally, Chaos got into the same fighting spirit it had earlier with Knuckles…by turning into a puddle and running away. It noticed a circular escape hatch on the ground and decided to go through there. It wasn't until after Chaos went through the "escape hatch" that it realized it was going into a SEWER.

As Chaos fled, Sonic yelled "Hey! Where are you going, you big drip?"

THE PLAYER collapses on the ground, yelling "AUGH! We can land a man on the moon, but we can't have Sonic game without crappy puns?! Why can't SEGA just do a Sonic game without the puns FOR ONCE?"

After Chaos' EPIC ESCAPE, Sonic began wondering what this thing was. Meanwhile, Eggman was looking over the scene from the rooftop of City Hall. He laughed, and then said "You fool! It's Chaos, the God of Destruction! MUAHAHAHAHA…now how do I get off of this rooftop?"

**

* * *

**

**I have three announcements…**

**1. If you haven't already figured it out, the past tense is used to describe what's happening in the game, while the present tense is used to describe what's going on outside of the game, particularly with THE PLAYER. And this isn't going to turn into one of those player-gets-sucked-into-the-game kind of fics. I would suck at writing that. THE PLAYER is just there to provide the voice of reason/fourth wall breaker in this.**

**2. See that green button down there? I know you do. Oh yeah, I'm psychic(I'm not). REVIEW for this! I'm extremely curious to know how people think about this parody. I would especially like it if you mentioned whatever the funniest parts were to you in this chapter, and all of the following chapters. I'm being very experimental with this fic, and I want to see what works well!**

**3. Chapter 2 is almost done! And it's going to be pretty funny, especially because that's where I'll start teasing the INSANE levels that this game has…but I'll still probably hold off posting Chapter 2 until I see how others think about this! So until then…review while your favorite parts of Chapter 1 are still fresh in your mind!**


	2. One Idiot Rescues Another

**Welcome to Capitulo Dos! This is where Tails gets introduced…and I've decided to look at Tails in a VERY NEW WAY that hasn't been looked at before for this particular game. I think you'll find it interesting…**

**

* * *

**

Tails was flying over Station Square. He said "Whoaaaaaa, man…this is a nice view!" Suddenly, his plane started shaking underneath him.

He then said "Uh-oh! I'm feeling a disturbance in the vibes, man! This can't be good…", and his plane started falling to the ground…in the middle of the city!

THE PLAYER is asking "Who the hell gave him a pilot's license? That person should be taken out and shot…"

Tails pulled up the plane, then said 'WHOA! There it is…a dragon, man!" and he started literally (or metaphysically?) chasing the dragon. Again, while in the middle of the city.

As people saw him flying by, they started running indoors for safety. Tails had now successfully caused more panic in the city within a few minutes than Eggman had done throughout his entire career of trying to terrorize Station Square. How sad.

While this was going on, Tails yelled "I'M GOING TO CATCH YOU, YOU BASTARD!", and he continued to chase after the imaginary dragon.

As this happened, one of the people of Station Square came out of their home with a shotgun in hand, and started impulsively firing rounds at Tails. Because that's what you do when a plane nearby is out of control. You shoot at it.

Suddenly, Tails' plane was hit by one of the bullets and he started losing altitude. He said "Bummer, man. That dragon must have got me real good! I'm goin' dowwwwwwn…"

Meanwhile, Sonic was relaxing at a hotel. He yawned, then "Finally, I don't have to worry about some stupid monsters or stupid evil villains or stupid friends in trouble-AW (bleep)!" he yelled as he noticed Tails crash on the beach.

As Tails crashed, Sonic's hair noticeably stuck up. There is simply no physical explanation for how one can have THAT much control over their hair. "Stupid Tails and his constant crashing…and who has to save his sorry ass? I have to!" muttered Sonic as he got off of the chair he had been resting on.

As he headed toward the beach, he passed by two hot chicks in bikinis. Sonic said "Hmmm…I can go and rescue my dumbass friend, or stay with these two hot chicks and try to get some action!" He thought for a second, then said "I'm going with the friend."

THE PLAYER is yelling "Are you kidding me? It's things like this that make the yaoi fan girls think you're gay for Tails!"

Sonic ignored this comment and continued on into the beach. And no, it was NOT a nude beach. Get those dirty thoughts out of your head!

On the beach, Sonic encountered his first level in the game. In this, he immediately started off with some destruction of beach property, which was the perfect reason for him to get arrested after this level!

Then he had to face some very annoying robot monkeys. After getting blown up by their bombs for the 300th time, Sonic yelled "Go back to where you belong…in testing labs for cosmetics!"

As Sonic started jumping on trampolines and going at a rate which defied all laws of acceleration, some dolphins jumped by him and just missed hitting him. To THE PLAYER, it honestly looks like those dolphins are trying to kill him.

Soon, Sonic went onto a platform which he couldn't go off the side of…mainly because of the cords on the side that bounced him back. THE PLAYER says "Wait, when did this place become a wrestling arena?" Sonic just bounced around, saying "Whee! I can totally kick Hulk Hogan's ass now!"

As Sonic continued through the level, he finally got to a really long stretch of dock over water. He noticed a killer whale jump over him, and he suddenly had the impulse to shout at the whale "Go, Willy, go! Be free!"

But as he continued on, the whale suddenly destroyed the part of the dock he had been standing on…and chased after him. THE PLAYER shouts " This is RIDICULOUS! Killer whales, despite their name, are supposed to be really peaceful creatures towards humans! Though I guess not hedgehogs…"

After Sonic narrowly avoided getting eaten by the whale in an epic chase scene, he then collapsed on the beach panting. "SAVE THE WHALES, MY ASS!" he declared, followed by "When this level's done, I'm going to grab a harpoon, hop on a boat out to sea, and 'boost the blubber economy'!" And so Sonic the Environmentalist continued on his way.

He eventually came to a waterfall grotto where he could run up along a wall to hit an item. To THE PLAYER this looks like a pair of super-fast shoes, but in reality it was something even faster for Sonic…a cappuccino. And that's how Sonic the Hedgehog became Sonic the Rocket in one second.

"Hoy(bleep)ona(bleep)sandwich!" he yelled in a hyper tone as he went through a shortcut that sent him past a ton of SUPER-ANNOYING robots. Soon he approached some spiked guillotines that were in his path, going up and down. THE PLAYER has already seen plenty of ridiculous stuff on this beach, but these new obstacles top it.

With some good timing, Sonic went through them all and soon encountered something even more stupid than the guillotines…a yellow pad on the ground. Sonic stood on it and said "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

But as he tried jumping, he was suddenly teleported to another area in the level. Sonic kept jumping from portal to portal, saying "Beam me up, Scotty!" each time and causing THE PLAYER to want to strangle him. Despite the fact that teleportation is physically impossible, Sonic got through that area just fine and finished the rest of the level with ease.

As he went down the final stretch towards the plane crash, some dolphins jumped over him. Sonic yelled "AUGH! Those killer dolphins have been stalking me this whole time!" and he ran towards the wreckage.

As Sonic got there, he noticed that Tails was still unconscious. Sonic said "Oh no! What do I do?"

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are yelling "Give him CPR! We need our romantic kiss scene!"

Sonic heard that and said "Ugh. Maybe I should've stayed with those bikini chicks after all…"

Tails woke up at this moment to see Sonic standing over him. Sonic offered his hand and Tails took it to get up, while ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are chanting "Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss…"

Sonic then yelled "STOP IT!"

-

When Sonic and Tails got back to the hotel, Sonic asked Tails "What the (bleep) did you do now?"

Tails responded by saying "Where do I start, man? Crack, heroin, weed, Blue Bombers, Orange Downers, Green Uppers…" and THE PLAYER realizes that there's a reason why Tails' theme song for this game says "I Want to Fly High".

Sonic said "And why were you flying that new plane for? You can always use my plane, The Tornado…"

And Tails interrupted by saying "Wait…it's still YOUR plane?! Isn't it now in MY garage?"

Sonic said "Ummm…yeah. I've still got the legal ownership of it!"

Tails shook his head and said "Oh (bleep), man…I've got to go clean out some of my 'essentials' that I stored in there!"

Sonic then yelled "TAILS! I don't want my plane to be used for drug trafficking!" causing stares from everyone around. This in turn caused Sonic and Tails to run off and threaten people to say they heard nothing.

After that long conflict was resolved, Sonic finally asked "What were you doing with flying a plane over Station Square, anyways?"

Tails responded by saying "Oh! This is sweet, man! I was searching around and I thought of a great idea for a power source in my planes…", and he pulled out a purple jewel, saying "A CRACK ROCK!"

Sonic sighed and then said 'Tails…that's not a crack rock, but a Chaos Emerald. They're two completely different things-HOLY (bleep), YOU HAVE A CHAOS EMERALD?!" as the slow but sudden realization came to Sonic.

Tails looked at the "crack rock" and then said "Oh yeah. I guess I do!"

This caused him to remember something. "Hey! I remembered something, man!" he said in order to prove that he was not paying attention to the narration…hey, that kind of rhymed!

Sonic then said "What did you remember?"

Tails said "What? Oh, (bleep)…" and he shook his head. "I forgot" he said, followed by "Oh yeah! I've got something very special to show you at my Mystic Ruins workshop!"

Sonic responded by saying "…Are you hitting on me?" ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are praying that this is so.

Tails suddenly blinked and said "NO!"

When Sonic and Tails got in front of the train station, Sonic asked "How high are you right now? We don't want to get caught under the influence!"

Tails replied "I don't know, man. Hmmm…well, my tails are telling me to kill people…is that okay?"

Sonic slowly backed away from Tails and said "Ummm…I think there's some Scooby Snacks down there for you!", pointing to the sewers next to Twinkle Park.

Tails said "REALLY? Give me them! I'm suddenly hungry!", and Tails ran off towards the sewers, following his munchies.

Sonic then said "Phew! Now that the annoyance is off my back for a bit…I'd better check out what he's talking about!", so Sonic boarded on a train to the Mystic Ruins.

In the sewers, Tails was starting to give up on finding the Scooby Snacks when he noticed a hole in the top that led to a room above.

He used his tails to fly up in there, and his lifted tails caused his ass to stick up in a position that would be used in a number of EXTREMELY DISTURBING Sonic/Tails yaoi sex fics. THE PLAYER grabs another barf bag upon realizing this, and uses it fully.

In the room, Tails went over to a corner where he saw...the light! It yelled "Hey! Look!" and flew around a note on the ground.

Tails said to the light "SHUT UP!" before grabbing the note to read it. On it was scribbled:

_To whatever poser is reading this,_

_I have chosen to take these rocket shoes, because I'm going to need them in my quest to become the top bishie of this game series. Prepare for my debut in future games…as it will shake that blue faker to his core! To replace the rocket shoes, I have placed here something that will make one equally as fast…a can of Red Bull._

_Yours, Shadow T. Hedgehog_

_P.S. See you next game, suckers!_

Tails said "I wonder who that is? Well, I'm sure he will NEVER take Sonic's spot as the top bishie of this series!", showing that Tails was horrible at predicting the future.

When Tails picked up the can of Red Bull, the light said "Hey! Listen! You have found a can of Red Bull. This will really charge you up, but on the downside one of its ingredients is rumored to be actually bull sem-" but Tails chugged the can before he could hear the word that would've completely changed his mind about drinking it.

THE PLAYER, however, has heard that urban legend and promptly grabs yet another barf bag. He/she has a very weak stomach.

A few seconds later, people out on the street saw the building Tails was in literally explode as Tails flew out, yelling "RED BULL GIVES YOU WIIIINGS!"

On the train, Sonic was glad to be rid of that annoyance when he suddenly saw it fly by his train window towards the Mystic Ruins. Sonic said "Damn it! I guess I'm stuck with that idiot…"

THE PLAYER resists the urge to say "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black…"

* * *

**In the next chapter…Sonic and Tails meet a giant Russian walrus-oh wait, that's Eggman! Remember to review…and especially to mention whatever the funniest parts/quotes were to you. I'm always curious to know what jokes can really strike the funny bone in a person!**


	3. Blowin' in the Wind

**Here it is…an epic confrontation! The whole stupid (bleep)ing quest begins for Sonic and Tails…**

**

* * *

**

At the Mystic Ruins train station, Cheech and Chong-I mean, SONIC AND TAILS went to Tails' meth lab-I mean, "workshop". Tails said to Sonic "You'll love what I've now discovered, man!"

Sonic replied "Now I'm starting to worry that you've made some more of your special brownies…"

Just as Sonic and Tails got to the plateau below the workshop, they met up with Dr. Robotnik, who had been waiting for them this whole time. THE PLAYER asks "First the rooftop, and now this? Why has Eggman suddenly become Sonic's stalker? I thought that was Amy's role!"

Sonic initially felt inclined to say "Look! It's a giant talking egg!" but he realized that this insult sucked, so he decided to instead say "What happened? Did the Burger King close early? OH NO!" and he did a fake dramatic pose.

This pissed off Eggman, and THE PLAYER says "…I guess that's better."

Eggman replied "No, it was the KFC that closed early!", but only then did he realize that his only added insult to him. Sonic and Tails rolled on the ground laughing.

Sonic declared "Eggman, you SUCK at disses!"

Then Eggman said "Well…at least I don't have tons of yaoi fanfics being written about me and my best friend!"

Tails said "Ouch…he's got us there!"

Eggman then said "HAHAHA! IN YOUR FACE-Wait, what am I doing? I came here to get something, not to diss you!"

THE PLAYER declares "SENIOR MOMENT!!!"

Eggman yelled "SHUT UP!" before continuing to do what all of the Bond villains he ripped off had done in the past…tell the good guys his ENTIRE PLAN.

-

One hour later, as Eggman continued announcing to the world his diabolical plot, he was saying "…so then one robot will be stationed at 4th Street and 5th Avenue, NOT 5th Street and 4th Avenue. OH, and then another robot shall be deployed to the warehouse on 70th Boulevard. Got that?"

Sonic and Tails were writing down in notebooks what Eggman had said, and Sonic said "Yep. Oh, and where was the third bomb planted at again?"

Eggman replied "I already told you, FIFTY-SEVENTH Street!"

Tails said "Oh, thanks. I was wondering about that!" and wrote that down as well.

Eggman said "But all of this compares in no way to my ULTIMATE PLAN…and that's what I need the seven Chaos Emeralds for!"

Sonic replied "Your mom wants the seven Chaos Emeralds!"

Tails yelled "OHHHHHH! You got burned! Like, in da hizzle with da-"

Sonic glared at Tails, then said "Shut up, Tails. Mommy and Daddy are talking!"

Even THE PLAYER is laughing at this. He/she says "That was amazing…"

Eggman then thought for a second, and said "HEY! Did you just call me-?"

Sonic then said "What are you gonna do now, huh? You wanna bring it?"

Eggman yelled "STOP IT! Just give me the emerald you have, NOW, or else!"

Tails stupidly said "Or else what?"

Eggman replied "Or else I'll take it by force…the hard way!"

Sonic couldn't resist yelling "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!", causing him and Tails to roll around laughing again.

Eggman flew off the side of the plateau angrily, then flew back up top with some new additions on his Eggmobile. THE PLAYER cannot figure out how Eggman did that in a few seconds.

Sonic said "What have you added to the Eggmobile-I mean, Fatmobile?"

Eggman glared and decided to attack. The usual weird typing thing appeared on the screen, saying "Egg Hornet".

Sonic said "WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY NAME IS THAT?! Seriously, it sounds like all I need to do is use bug spray to win this!"

Eggman replied "It's meant to inspire fear!"

Sonic then replied "Your mom's meant to inspire fear!", causing Eggman to scream and start trying to blow up Sonic and Tails.

Eggman decided that the best weapon to use would be…some Chinese fireworks. He shot them like missiles at Sonic and Tails, causing them to run around panicking.

Suddenly, Tails got hit by one of the "missiles" and said "AHHH! I just died a few seconds ago-" and then he looked down and realized that he was still completely unharmed. "That didn't hurt at all! WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY MISSILES ARE THESE?!", he wondered.

Eggman said "What?! Those Chinese fireworks should totally be blowing you up!" Then Eggman looked at the label on the fireworks and saw that the tags on them actually said "Made in Korea". Eggman then yelled "DAMN IT! Anything made in Korea doesn't work!"

He therefore decided to charge at them from above. Sonic just jumped out of the way, and Eggman crashed into the ground. Eggman said "Hey…I'm drilling! Maybe I can find some gold or oil or something down here…", and he continued drilling, oblivious to Sonic and Tails being right next to him.

Sonic said "Hmmm…well, I don't think there's any plants hidden down there, so I doubt there's oil…"

But then Tails suddenly replied "OH NO! There are some plants…my secret stash is down there, man!"

Sonic sighed and said "Damn it, Tails! Fine…let's kick Eggman's ass!", and so Sonic and Tails started beating the crap out of Eggman.

Eggman, however, was still completely oblivious to the punches being thrown at him, and continued his search for buried treasure. Yes, it had now switched to that. "Those pirates had to put that treasure SOMEWHERE…", said Eggman as he continued to get more bloody from all of the punches he was getting.

Finally, Eggman said "Hey…why does my nose suddenly hurt?", before he realized that his nose was now nothing but a bloody pulp. "AUGH!", he yelled as he tried pulling out, but his Fatmobile was stuck. This wasn't because it was embedded in the ground, it was just that it was tired of trying to lift Eggman's weight anymore.

Eggman yelled "STUPID MACHINE!" and started whining like a little bitch. Sonic and Tails finally took pity on Eggman and decided to leave him crying in his pod.

Sonic said 'That wasn't so hard!"

Tails replied "That's what she said!"

Sonic then shook his head, saying "That wasn't that good, Tails…"

Tails argued "Oh yeah? It was better than yours!"

Sonic yelled "REALLY?! I'll let you know-"

Eggman suddenly yelled "SHUT UP! This is the most retarded conversation I've ever heard!"

Sonic muttered "You're the most retarded conversation I've ever heard…"

Even THE PLAYER is astounded by this.

Just then, Eggman decided to activate his Robo-Arm™ and steal the Chaos Emerald from Tails' hands, as Tails was stupidly holding it out right then.

Sonic yelled "WHAT THE (bleep)?! Why were you holding it out when Eggman clearly wanted it?"

Tails then said "What happened, man?"

Sonic slapped his forehead at Tails' idiocy, and turned to face Eggman, who had now MIRACULOUSLY gotten his pod to float again. Eggman held up the jewel triumphantly, then called out "In Russia, EMERALD STEAL YOU! Chaos…I have a snack for you!"

Chaos went up to the plateau, shocking both Sonic and Tails. Tails said "Whoa, man…I must be REALLY tripping today!"

Sonic glared at Tails again, then said "Wait…that thing has IMPORTANCE TO THE PLOT?! No way!"

Eggman then replied "I just made it important to the plot!", and Eggman threw the Chaos Emerald at Chaos.

If Chaos could speak, it might have said something along the lines of "Yum-yum! I need some more of this (bleep)!", as it transformed when swallowing the emerald.

Eggman then noticed that after Chaos transformed, it still looked EXACTLY THE SAME…except one of its arms had grown huge. Eggman said "COOL! You look like you have a bazooka for an arm now!"

Sonic then said "I think it's using the big arm to compensate for something else…", causing him and Tails to both laugh again.

Chaos wanted to kill them right then, but Eggman held it back. He could've had him and Chaos leave RIGHT THEN, but his Bond-villain instinct kicked in, and he decided to tell Sonic and Tails EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS ULTIMATE PLAN. And he wondered why his plans always failed…

Eggman told Sonic and Tails "Each time I feed Chaos a Chaos Emerald, it gets stronger! Kind of like a wrestler with steroids! With all 7 Chaos Emeralds in it, it will be completely invincible, and then I can use it to destroy Station Square and build my ultimate city upon it…Robotnikland!", and Eggman went into a fantasizing dream about it.

In this city, diet books now told people to eat MORE, and obesity was considered THE SEXIEST THING SINCE SEX. Whenever Eggman would walk into a room, the song "Sexy Back" would automatically play in the background, and ALL OF THE FAN GIRLS would flock to him. And his robots would continue serving him, and he would continue to rule forever and ever and ever…

But right then Sonic interrupted Eggman out of his dream by saying "Dude...you really need to get laid! BIG TIME!"

Eggman said "How dare you interrupt my daydream! I'm out of here! NINJA RIP-OFF TIME!!!", and threw a flash bulb down on the ground before disappearing with Chaos.

In the aftermath, Tails said "We can't let him get the Chaos Emeralds, can we?"

Sonic rolled his eyes and said "YES, Tails. We'll just let Eggman take over the world with no fight on our part!"

Tails said "Oh…okay, then!"

THE PLAYER is shocked that Tails, who is supposedly a "genius", can't recognize sarcasm.

Sonic then asked Tails "Well…what were you planning to show me?"

Tails then jumped up, saying "OH! MY NEW CRACK ROCK!", and Tails dragged Sonic up the steps to his workshop, where said rock was lying in front of. It was long and round, kind of like…

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS immediately say "OMG! Tails got Sonic a sex toy! WE KNEW THEY WERE IN LOVE!", while THE PLAYER loses his/her lunch again.

Tails yelled "It's NOT a sex toy! It's the Wind Stone, which is supposed to be some kind of key…"

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS reply "To Sonic's heart?!"

This caused Sonic to yell "NO! Stupid fan girls…"

After enough exploring, Sonic and Tails found a cave with a wind tunnel blowing up to the top, with a pedestal nearby. Tails said "Hmmm…That pedestal can't have anything to do with the rock we have…they just have the same symbol!"

Sonic grabbed the rock out of Tails' hands and put it in the pedestal, causing the wind tunnel to open up. They went into the tunnel, which took them to the Windy Valley a.k.a. THE DEATH OF PHYSICS.

When Sonic started going through the level, he noticed one thing immediately…Tails was stalking him. Sonic tried running fast, but then Tails started running fast, too. Finally, Sonic yelled "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Tails replied "Checking you out. You ARE Cream, right?"

Sonic then asked "Did you have some of your special brownies while we were at the workshop?"

Tails immediately said "No", wiping off the chocolate crumbs around his mouth as he said so.

Sonic rolled his eyes and then said "Damn it…if you keep stalking me, I'm going to have to beat you up!"

Tails backed off at this threat, but then decided to continue following "Cream".

Eventually, Sonic and Tails started crossing some bridges. Soon, Sonic got into the mood of singing "The London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling dow-AUGH!", as the bridge he and Tails were on actually DID collapse under them.

Luckily, that bridge was above a platform that Sonic and Tails landed on. But Sonic soon noticed where all of the debris from the bridge was flying to…a tornado. Sonic immediately yelled "AW (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)! STUPID GAME DESIGNERS!"

What Sonic didn't realize was that as he was busy in his swearing rant, Tails had flown away because the twister was coming closer. Sonic didn't bother to look up until he was promptly sucked in.

But instead of getting killed by flying debris, as is how most tornadoes kill, Sonic somehow ended up in the middle of the twister. THE PLAYER says "This is SONIC, not The Wizard of Oz!"

But the game seemed to counterpoint that by suddenly having a certain laughing witch on a broomstick fly by Sonic as he was looking on the side of the tornado. She yelled "I'll get you, my pretty!", before randomly flying off.

Sonic finally decided "Hmmm…maybe I should get out of this twister!", before he took off and started jumping from platform to platform in the tornado. Finally, when Sonic got high enough, he went soaring over the tornado's top and out of there.

THE PLAYER says "Hold on there! Wouldn't the top winds supplying the tornado just send him right back in? Apparently this game doesn't correlate well with meteorology either…"

When Sonic landed back in the Windy Valley being SOMEHOW PERFECTLY FINE, he met up with Tails, who said "Hey, man…apparently we have to race for some reason or another!"

Sonic asked "What? Why?"

Tails said "I don't know, man! I think you're supposed to initiate the race because you have an ego that rivals the size of the universe. Then, I'm supposed to demolish that ego by winning EVERY SINGLE RACE we have from here on out!"

Sonic replied "I'll say when my ego is too big! I won't let some Japanese company determine it for me!"

Tails sighed and said "…That's what I mean."

Sonic replied "You wanna bring it? Fine, let's do this (bleep)! First to the emerald wins!", and Sonic took off at that.

Tails realized what was going on, and said "Whoa, man…HOW am I supposed to outrun the world's fastest hedgehog?" Tails then noticed a nearby giant spinning green ring floating in mid-air, and said 'By cheating, of course! Remember, kids…cheating to win a COMPLETELY POINTLESS race is perfectly fine!"

Tails flew through the ring, and it sped him up to a speed faster than Sonic on cocaine. By flying through every one of these rings he saw, Tails was flying WAY past Sonic and soon was done while Sonic still had half of the level to go.

Soon, Sonic reached the part of Windy Valley that perhaps played the biggest part in killing physics here…where he jumped off of a ledge and FLOATED ON A PATH OF PETALS.

THE PLAYER says "When did SEGA start wanting to rip off Japanese action films?"

Sonic was blown over to another ledge, and continued on his physics-destroying rampage. ONE HOUR LATER, Sonic finally reached the end of the level, where Tails had been waiting this whole time.

Sonic asked "Where's the Chaos Emerald?"

Tails responded "Oh…that was a CHAOS EMERALD?! That explains why I couldn't smoke it…"

Sonic then asked "Ok…WHERE IS IT?"

Tails said "Oh! I finally swallowed it, man! Dude…this crack rock has been getting me to see some FREAKY colors…", and Tails collapsed upon saying that.

THE PLAYER says "Chaos has already been swallowing Chaos Emeralds! Don't make it any weirder!"

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS yell once again "Give him CPR, Sonic! You know you want to…"

Sonic was horrified at both the comments of Tails and the yaoi fan girls. Sonic yelled "WHY THE (bleep) WOULD YOU SWALLOW IT? Honestly, do you give a (bleep) about the fate of the world?"

Tails said "Ummm…I'll have to think about it for a second here…"

Sonic did a facepalm, and decided to give Tails the Heimlich Maneuver in order to force the Chaos Emerald out of him. ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are cheering, as it looks like Sonic is trying to hump Tails.

Sonic yelled, "SHUT THE (bleep) UP!" at this. He was getting very pissed, as today had been a pretty bad day for him. "First I had to save this idiot's ass because he can't fly for (bleep), then I had to fight that annoying fatty, and NOW I'm giving the Heimlich Maneuver to retrieve a jewel that I need to save the world! ARGH!"

As Sonic was giving said idiot the Heimlich Maneuver, Tails looked at the ground and suddenly pointed, saying "OH! There's the Chaos Emerald! I knew I was swallowing an ACTUAL crack rock!"

Sonic noticed the Chaos Emerald lying right there on the ground, and did a facepalm yet again. And the day was still FAR from over for him…

**I couldn't stop laughing while I was typing the Sonic/Tails/Eggman dialogue at the beginning of this chapter! I love all of the stupidity that the Sonic characters exhibit in this fic!**

**Oh, and I'm sorry if I angered any Tails/Cosmo or Tails/Marine fans with making Tails attracted to Cream…it's just that neither Cosmo or Marine were around at this point in the series, so I'm stuck with teasing Tails/Cream! **

**You know what to do…review and mention your favorite parts and quotes of this chapter!**


	4. Knux and The City

**MANY animals were harmed in the making of this fic…**

Sonic and Tails had left the Windy Valley with their new Chaos Emerald, but were figuring out where to go next. Tails finally suggested "Why don't we go back to Station Square? I've got to update my drug stash-I mean, help you find some Chaos Emeralds!"

Sonic looked at Tails suspiciously, then said "Well…I guess so!"

Tails yelled "WOOT! I can't wait to find out what new stuff has been peddled into the city! I've been low on crack rocks recently…"

-

But Tails wasn't the only one with an obsession for rocks, as shown by Knuckles. He was in the middle of Station Square, and after many hours he had still not found any Master Emerald pieces.

He could have just hired a detective to find them, therefore leading to a faster resolution of this thing, but the only problem with this was that Knuckles' brain still lacked the cells necessary to come up with that particular thinking process.

Knuckles eventually went in front of City Hall, where he noticed a police barrier blocking the entrance. Knuckles said to this "Hmmm…they obviously don't want my dreadlocks entering here, so my dreadlocks will just TEAR THROUGH THE BARRIER AND BARGE RIGHT IN!", and he punched through the barrier, which in turn fell back and blew open the entrance to City Hall.

Despite the fact that this could already get him arrested for destroying city property, he chose to worsen his arrest record by BREAKING AND ENTERING into there. THE PLAYER says "Man…this game's morals are really (bleep)ed up!"

Inside City Hall, Knuckles passed by the mayor's room and heard some suspicious moaning. If Knuckles had chosen to barge into the room right then, he would have discovered the mayor in a compromising position with a "lady of the night", leading to a political scandal and praise for Knuckles by the whole city. Of course, Knuckles didn't.

When Knuckles went out the back door of City Hall, he found himself in another part of the city that was the back of the Speed Highway. Knuckles commented "My dreadlocks like this place! Hey, there's a bell! What will happen if my dreadlocks ring it?" So Knuckles punched the bell.

This caused the mayor's secret stash of bribe money-I mean, "gifts" to come spewing out of the bell. THE PLAYER says "Wow…this mayor makes the first Richard Daley look like an angel!"

Knuckles picked up the rings and said "Yay! Now I have something to give to the prince of Nigeria! It was so kind of him to e-mail me…"

He then flew off, saying "Hooray! I'm Superman!" while in flight.

THE PLAYER is not surprised at this. "I knew this game was bound to rip-off Superman in some way…and they did it with Knuckles' flying!"

When Knuckles reached the ground, he decided to pull out the device he would use to find the Master Emerald pieces…a gaydar. Imagine his surprise when it wasn't beeping.

Knuckles said "Damn it…my dreadlocks thought this would work, too!"

Suddenly he was interrupted by a passerby who said "Attention dreadlocks! My hair is upset at your catchphrase-stealing!" The passerby was none other than Kemo from Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged.

Knuckles replied "Oh yeah! My dreadlocks are cooler than you will ever be!"

Kemo said "My hair is arresting you! Then my hair shall sue your ass in court!"

Knuckles ran off, saying "Not if my dreadlocks can help it!"

Kemo yelled "HELP! MY HAIR IS BEING ROBBED…of its catchphrase!"

First, Knuckles got a huge fine from the courts for being a communist (he was, after all, red with a sickle on his body), which he paid off with the mayor's money, and then he got a shock collar put on from the lawsuit. This would electrify him whenever he said the words "My" and "Dreadlocks" together.

Knuckles walked out, saying "Damn it! My dr-I mean, I hate this!" Knuckles suddenly remembered the reason he was here this whole time. "Oh yeah! The pretty jewel thingies!", Knuckles remarked as he took off into a certain section of the city…the ghetto.

When Knuckles later came out of there, he was wearing a cap, 5 tattoos, and he would pull out a homemade knife whenever someone bumped into him accidentally, threatening to shank them. He then once again realized that he was still no closer to finding a piece of the Master Emerald, so he ran off again.

Soon, the world imploded on itself when Knuckles actually figured something out USING LOGIC. "Hmmm….since I still haven't found a piece on the ground, they must be on top of the buildings here!" he remarked, while THE PLAYER is screaming that the world must surely be ending if Knuckles has brain cells.

Knuckles then proved that his stupidity was still there when he suddenly realized that he had been standing out in the street this whole time…and he realized this a little too late. "AHHHH!" he screamed as he got hit by a truck.

After climbing back onto the sidewalk coughing, he then decided to start climbing up the building next to him. As he climbed up the wall, he started singing "Spiderman, Spiderman, Does whatever a spider can, Spins a web…"

THE PLAYER comments "Wow…this game is going to get horribly sued out of millions!"

On the rooftops, Knuckles finally got each of the 3 pieces. This involved him doing some things to some homeless guys that would make him shudder every time he thought about it. This WAS the city, after all…

After that very disturbing level, Knuckles ran out of the Speed Highway back into the streets of Station Square, feeling very ashamed. He looked at the 3 Master Emerald pieces and decided to put them together in the best way possible…duct tape.

Unfortunately, his INTELLIGENCE CAPABILITIES started to show themselves then, and his hands were soon completely wrapped up in duct tape while the 3 pieces still were lying on the ground. Knuckles then started yelling "HELP! I'VE BEEN TIED UP BY… um, an alien! Yeah, they'll believe that…"

-

Just when Station Square already had to deal with one idiot, two more showed up at the train station. Sonic and Tails jumped off of the train, and found a "welcoming committee" of fan girls. Tails asked "What do you think they want?"

Sonic looked at the crowd then noticed that all of the fan girls were holding up Sonic and Tails plushies and touching them in…certain inappropriate places with their fingers. The fan girls looked at Sonic and Tails and started licking their lips.

Sonic instantly realized that they had run into the most demented types of fan girls, the types that had made it to news headlines in their attempts to get bishies. Sonic said "Tails…RUN!!!", and Sonic charged out of the train station.

Tails tried to fly over the fan girl crowd, but the fan girls suddenly formed a huge pile, and the one on top grabbed him by one of his tails. Tails yelled "Sonic…HELP!!!", as he was dragged into the crowd, but Sonic knew there was nothing he could do. Tails was doomed, and now Sonic ran for his life from the fan girl crowd chasing him through the city.

THE PLAYER says "These fan girls look even scarier than the ones in the beginning of the first Austin Powers movie!"

Soon, Sonic was backed into a corner with a manhole, with the fan girls surrounding him at all sides. He looked down at the manhole, his only hope, and declared "I'm too sexy to die!", as he jumped down into the sewers below.

In there, Sonic looked around and instantly decided that he might have preferred the fan girls. "Eww…the water's green!", he commented as he walked through there.

After walking through a bit, he found a pair of shoes on the ground. As he picked them up, the light suddenly came in, saying "Hey! Look! You've found a pair of magic shoes! Listen!"

At this point, the light didn't even notice Sonic running as far away as possible while the light went rambling on about how the hedgehog should "Look!" for Eggman and "Watch out!" for his robots, or even "Listen!" to what was going on.

Sonic tried on the pair of magic shoes, then started spinning. Soon, he yelled 'Ready?" as he stood up glowing light blue. The glow obviously looked like it was coming from RADIOACTIVITY, but Sonic didn't seem to mind getting cancer.

He then shouted "Go!" as the energy buildup was released and he turned back normal.

"These shoes are magic!", he mentioned before stepping on a nearby switch and activating a path of rings leading up and out of the sewers.

THE PLAYER yells "Stay in the sewers where you belong, rat!", but Sonic chose to ignore this as he turned radioactive again, before flying through the path of rings.

As Sonic did this action that would make Isaac Newton strangle him, he started singing "It's magic, you know. Never believe it's not so…" before he wound up in the back of a building.

When Sonic went through a door to the front, he found himself in the jewelry store. Sonic said "Cool! I can totally rob this place now!"

Unfortunately, the only thing of value in the entire store was a golden egg. THE PLAYER says "Are you kidding me? If you're going to rob a jewelry store, make sure it has more than just ONE VALUABLE THING!"

Sonic went outside, and soon found an egg-shaped rock just conveniently located in the nearby grass. He picked it up and took it to the jewelry store, saying "This will make a good decoy! Remember, kids…robbing a jewelry store is GREAT!"

Sonic went in and grabbed the real egg off of its pedestal. This caused some bars to appear over the entrance, preventing him from getting out and kind of ripping off Indiana Jones.

Sonic just put the fake egg on the pedestal to make the bars go, and walked out with the real one. THE OWNER WAS STANDING THERE THE ENTIRE TIME.

THE PLAYER comments "What kind of (bleep)y security is this? Sonic's robbing the store, and the owner is in PERFECT SIGHT of all of this! And yet he does NOTHING? The fake egg isn't even the SAME COLOR!"

The owner just kept looking around, saying "Ahhh…what a great day! Look at all of the people, the cars, the hedgehog making off with my golden egg…just a perfect day!"

THE PLAYER says "Note to self: NEVER let this guy guard anything for you!"

Meanwhile, Sonic was walking through the streets of Station Square, saying "I feel like Danny Ocean now!", as he arrived at the hotel.

He decided to head up the elevator in there, saying "Who knows? Maybe I could use this egg to pay for a good time with a hooker tonight!"

But the elevator took him not to an all-night romp with a hot chick, but to a giant room that had perhaps the most annoying Sonic characters ever created…the Chao. Sonic noticed a blue egg on the ground, and said "Neat…it just happens to be the exact same size as this golden egg I have here!"

He looked at a sign by a door, which said "Black Market". Sonic immediately rushed into there, and started saying "Ok, this is going to be a LONG LIST! I need some Heroin, Crack, Pot, Crackpot, Party Uppers, Blue Bombers, Silver Smackers…" and he continued stating the list that would definitely get him a life sentence in jail on drug charges if a cop was there.

Finally, he ended with "And that's just for me! Now for what Tails will want-", when he was suddenly interrupted by the Chao behind the counter.

The dealer said "We don't have any of those things you listed!"

Sonic replied "Then what do you have?"

The dealer said "We have apples, pumpkins, triangle fruit, square fruit-", but was now interrupted by Sonic, who started running out.

Sonic yelled "(bleep) THIS! I need my fix, BADLY!", and he stormed back out to the main room. He threw his golden egg at the wall angrily, and it cracked open to reveal a golden creature.

Sonic said "What the hell?" before checking a nearby guide about the Chao, which explained everything about the creature he was now holding.

Sonic then said "So this is called a Chao, huh? Hmmm…Chao…that sounds Chinese! Therefore, I shall name this one…Ching-Chong!"

So Sonic the Racist then put down Ching-Chong and walked over to the blue egg. He read the guide to find out what to do with this egg, reading aloud "Wait for the egg to hatch so that the Chao can be happier-(bleep) THAT, I'M IMPATIENT!!!"

At that, he threw the egg against the wall to break it open, revealing the blue Chao inside. Sonic said "It's BLUE?! (bleep)…who did I knock up to create that? Oh well…I shall call it Sonic, Jr.!"

The Chao was horrified at this name…but Sonic didn't care one bit, and decided to enlist both of his Chao into a nearby race he noticed. He said to them "You'd better both win…OR ELSE!"

During the Chao Race, Sonic the Ideal Parent was watching his Chao in the race. At least, he should've been, but that was before he realized that they had beer at the concession stands.

However, Sonic soon stumbled drunk onto the field to help his Chao win the race. But instead of cheering on his Chao like everyone else, he pulled out a whip and started yelling "GIDDYUP! G-go, slaves!" before he started trying to whip his Chao into going faster.

Due to this re-enactment of the gladiator games, it was no surprise that Sonic was soon kicked out of the Chao Race area by two bouncers. As they closed the door, Sonic yelled "Oh-oh yeah? L-like, I th-thought that w-we were supposed to en-encourage them!"

Sonic then started stumbling away drunk, only to realize he had to go to the bathroom. He then noticed the nearby Chao Fountain and an idea popped in his head for revenge.

A few minutes later, Sonic was kicked out of the elevator into the hotel lobby by the same bouncers. He yelled at then "W-why are you out t-to get me?"

One of the bouncers said "Sir, you've been breaking the rules"

Sonic replied "Screw the rules, I'm voiced by Ryan Drummond!" Unfortunately for him, this argument did not work with the bouncers, and they did not let him back in.

Meanwhile, Knuckles' voice suddenly rang out from far away in reply, saying "Oh yeah? At least I will get to be voiced by Dan Green in a later TV series! Bite on THAT, sucker!

Sonic ran off crying.

Then Sonic remembered that he had gone up to the hotel in the first place to get some action. Therefore, he decided to climb up the nearby stairs to see if any parties were going on up there.

He soon discovered that the only room on the upper floor was across a gap, and that two buttons nearby would activate a path of rings to there and open the door. Sonic used his radioactivity to get across, yelling "Naked Lesbian pillow fight, here I come!"

He stormed into the room, only to find a ring on the ground, with the annoying light that had haunted him earlier alongside it. The light yelled "Hey! Listen! This ring is called the Crystal Ring, which will let you use the glowing attack faster-"

Sonic swatted the light aside, tired of that annoyance, then picked up the ring and put it on as it shrunk to fit on his wrist. "This looks awesome! I now have a pimp bracelet!"

The light said "Oh! Did I mention it's also an engagement ring left by Amy?"

Sonic immediately pulled at the ring, only to realize that the ring wouldn't come off. He then yelled "AUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"

**Next chapter shall cover their adventure in the casino. Warning: The casino-related pop-culture references are spewing out of me like an ATM as I'm typing it! So expect LOTS of them next chapter!**


	5. Viva Las Casinopolis

**I apologize for the following scene…and, like Monty Python, will choose to show it anyways!**

* * *

In the streets in front of the casino, Tails was being hung on a light post by his two tails. The fan girls had done horrible things to him, and were still continuing nonstop.

At that moment, Tails was in a dress, with makeup on, and singing "I'm so pretty! I'm so witty! I'm so pretty, and witty, and…"

The yaoi fan girls in the crowd yelled "YES?!"

Tails said "Ummm….I…", when he was suddenly interrupted by a mysterious voice.

The voice yelled "Stop in the name of Tails' heterosexuality!", and Sonic, with his new pimp bracelet, stormed onto the scene. Of course, this only put DIRTIER thoughts into the yaoi fan girls' minds, so they charged at Sonic.

Sonic then immediately pulled out his secret weapon…fan girl repellant!

The fan girls started hissing, and one of them said "Don't deny that you two are gay for each other! Why else would it be that when you choose Tails in the selection menu of the game, he yells 'Here I come, Sonic!'"

THE PLAYER grabs a paper bag and loses his/her breakfast, lunch, dinner, and everything else eaten recently at this comment.

Sonic was extremely disturbed, so he grabbed Tails and took off.

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are yelling "He rescued his maiden…", and sigh with happiness.

This whole time, Tails had just been busy shuddering and saying "Find my happy place…find my happy place…". But the PTSD was quickly taken care of by his next "happiness shot" of LSD.

After their narrow escape, Sonic and Tails went in front of the casino, passing by the movie theater along the way. Sonic looked at the poster in front of the theater, and then said "Chao In Space? That sounds like a terrible movie! What kind of idiot would watch THAT?"

Just then, Knuckles stormed out of the theater with the exiting crowd, yelling "THAT MOVIE WAS AWESOME!"

Knuckles had spent his whole day doing a variety of bad things in the city. This involved drunken bar fights, soliciting with prostitutes, and karaoke. You don't want to know about the last one…

Sonic said to Knuckles "Hey! You want to check out the casino with us?"

Knuckles replied "Well, I've done every other hardcore, unhealthy thing here…SO SURE!"

Tails went over to the casino doors, only to find them locked.

THE PLAYER yells "Why do they lock their doors if the casino is OPEN? Idiots…"

Sonic soon noticed that the switch to open the door was above there, and that a button activating a path of rings was CONVENIENTLY located next to him, so then he said "I GOT DIBS ON HITTING THE SWITCH!"

Knuckles said "No way! I'm going to hit that!", and Knuckles started climbing up the movie poster to fly across.

As Sonic started charging up, Knuckles got to the top of the poster and was preparing to fly…until he noticed that the screws holding in the poster hadn't been designed to hold his weight. As the poster started breaking off with Knuckles still on it, he said "Uh oh…"

Sonic had fully charged up and said "Ready? G-", when he was suddenly crushed by the movie poster along with Knuckles.

The two of them both climbed out of the rubble, with Sonic saying "Ow...damn it, Knuckles!"

While Knuckles and Sonic started arguing, Tails just sighed and flew up to the switch, hitting it and opening the door.

While this was happening, sirens could be heard nearby, as destroying theater property was obviously not a legal thing to do. Knuckles yelled "I'm not getting sued again!", and ran into the casino.

Sonic said "And I don't want to get arrested for whatever Tails is probably on right now…WAIT FOR ME!", and Sonic ran into the casino, with Tails following behind as usual.

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are saying "Yay! Tails is stalking his lover again!"

Sonic replied "Stupid (bleep)ing fan girls…"

In the casino, a lot was going on. At one of the card tables, Austin Powers was playing Blackjack against Number 2, and chose not to hit despite the fact that he had a smaller hand.

At another table, James Bond was playing an ultimate stakes poker game with Le Chiffre, and Sonic also noticed a SWAT team storming into the casino basement, with one of the SWAT members looking suspiciously like George Clooney in disguise.

Sonic, Tails and Knuckles were greeted by an Elvis impersonator. And not just any Elvis impersonator, but the worst kind…a JAPANESE Elvis impersonator.

The impersonator said "Hello! I'm here to show you around. Now let's find some ladies!". While in writing this doesn't sound too bad, try to imagine that in a Japanese accent. It was terrible.

Sonic said "Um…no, thanks!", and ran off with Tails and Knuckles. Soon, they reached the center of the casino, where a giant Sonic statue was.

Sonic said "OH…MY GOSH! Do you see that, Tails? My ego is justified! NOW WORSHIP ME!!!"

Knuckles suddenly jumped up to the platform the statue was on and yelled "Not if I can help it!", and he punched at the statue's foot, causing it to collapse.

As Sonic went down to the ground crying over his demolished statue, THE PLAYER notes "Hey…that's an allusion to Achilles' heel! Thank you, AP English!"

Knuckles looked amongst the wreckage and found a piece of the Master Emerald. "How convenient!", he commented as he flew off.

As was still bawling on the ground, Tails finally said to him "Hey, I know what will cheer you up! There's some hot chicks over at the strip poker table!"

Sonic jumped up and yelled "PARTY TIME!!!", before running off to the card tables. As he got to there, he said "Remember, kids…gambling is a PERFECTLY HEALTHY HABIT!"

Meanwhile, Knuckles found an anchor on the ground that led up to a ship on the upper floors. He started climbing it, saying "Yay! I'm Jack Sparrow!"

When Knuckles climbed onto the ship, he found that the pirate refence wasn't far off. THE PLAYER says "What the hell? Are those enemies…ROBOT PIRATES? WHAT A CRAPPY ENEMY! Hmm… now where have I heard of robot pirates before?"

Suddenly, the robot pirates' leader walked up and confronted Knuckles. The leader pulled out of bottle of beer, drank it, then said "The name's Bender. What's yours?"

Knuckles said "Right now, I'm Jack Sparrow!"

Bender said "THAT idiot! We've been trying to kill him for a long time! GET HIM, so he can kiss my shiny metal ass!"

Knuckles jumped up the ship's mast and climbed up to the top rafters, yelling "Help! Robot pirates in a casino are trying to kill me!" That phrase sounds so strange when isolated…

Knuckles noticed another ship, and therefore decided to fly over to it for his escape. What he didn't notice was that the ship was ON FIRE as he was approaching it.

While Knuckles' stupidity was landing him in trouble, Sonic and Tails were now at the slot machines in the casino.

Tails tripped and accidentally bumped into a slot machine, causing rings to come out of there. He then said "Whoa…if you attack the slot machines, you get rings in this level!"

Sonic said "Cool! Remember, kids…violence against slot machines for money is an AWESOME idea!", and he and Tails started smashing all of the slot machines.

Sonic eventually said "I feel like the Fonz…AYYYY!", and he did a Fonzie impression that causes THE PLAYER to shield his/her eyes.

Sonic then went over a punched a random jukebox. When it didn't start up, he continually punched it until his hands were bloody, at which point Tails dragged away a screaming and cursing Sonic.

Sonic yelled "You wanna bring it, you stupid music thingy? HUH? AYYYY!"

Tails finally said "Stop acting like a pervert who wears leather and uses a bathroom as his office!" Sonic shut up at this.

Sonic and Tails decided to head over to the actual playable games here…pinball. As they went into the pinball room, Sonic asked "Wait…why doesn't it cost anything to play? Does this mean we just get free money?"

Tails replied "Apparently."

Sonic then said "What kind of casino is this, Donald Trump's casino?"

Soon, Sonic and Tails learned about the brutal way that pinball was played in this game. Sonic was sucked up into the machine, and Tails had to control Sonic, who was the pinball in this.

"Ow, my groin! Ow, my groin! Ow, my groin! What kind of torture is this? Ow, my groin!", said Sonic as he bounced around in the pinball machine.

This game was Slot and Pinball, where Tails had to hit Sonic into a slot machine that, if timed correctly, would give him massive amounts of rings. While this sounds easy, let's remember that this was TAILS ON LSD who was playing this.

In fact, Tails wasn't even hitting the buttons. He just started banging on the pinball machine, saying "DIE, EVIL WIZARD!" Even THE PLAYER can't think of how Tails thought the pinball machine looked like an evil wizard.

Anyways, this attack on the pinball machine eventually broke it, and before Sonic and Tails had gotten 100 rings. Therefore, that meant they were automatically thrown into the casino's garbage disposal.

Sonic yelled "What kind of cruel casino is this? Wouldn't they WANT ones who would get less money from the casino, so that the casino could have more profit?"

Meanwhile, Knuckles had managed to make a near escape from the flames. This was not helped by his attempts to put out the flames with beer.

Knuckles reached another giant statue, this one being of a lion that could move its paw and open its mouth. When Knuckles noticed the Master Emerald piece lodged inside the lion's mouth, he yelled "YOU'VE GOT TO BE (bleep)ING ME!"

Each time he tried to jump in there, the lion's mouth would close just before he could get in and he would slam into the statue with his head. Thankfully, there was nothing to damage there.

Finally, Knuckles just used a crowbar to keep the lion's mouth open while he grabbed the jewel. After that, he passed by some card tables and said "Must…resist…urge…to gamble with Master Emerald pieces!"

Meanwhile, Sonic was looking at the path through the garbage disposal when he turned to look at Tails, only for his jaw to gape. "TAILS! Why are you eating garbage?"

Tails looked up, then said "Wait…that was GARBAGE? Whoa, man…I think I might have been smoking too much!"

Sonic rolled his eyes and said "Really?"

Soon, Sonic and Tails came across some enemies. Tails said 'We don't even need to fight these robots! I know how to kill them!", and he put down a suspicious ticking package.

One of the robots said "What is that ticking noise?"

While the robots were distracted, Sonic and Tails ran far away.

Suddenly, the robots started randomly singing and acting like the hand puppet versions of Harry Potter characters. Finally, one of the robots said "I figured it out! It's a pipe bomb!"

All of the robots shouted "YAY!", as they were blown to smithereens.

Sonic said "Stupid popular Internet sketches…", as he and Tails continued on.

Later, they reached a room with on giant fan under the floor. Suddenly, it started spinning and they started flying in the air. Sonic commented "This in NO WAY is ripping off the original Willy Wonka movie…"

Tails, meanwhile, was singing "I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the…ceiling…"

THE PLAYER says "If my Physics teacher saw this game…"

Sonic and ails finally made it to the end of the dumpster, and started climbing up a ladder which led them back to the showers. "How utterly convenient this is to be right next to the garbage!", said Sonic as he started washing off.

He then realized something and asked "Tails…why the hell are you watching me shower? Pervert!"

Tails replied "Why wouldn't I, Cream? After all, what if the smurggles show up again?"

Sonic sighed and said "I should have NEVER let you take that LSD…"

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are yelling "Keep it up, Tails!" to Sonic's horror.

Later, Sonic and Tails went to the other pinball game in the casino, Card and Pinball. Sonic said to Tails 'You'd better not (bleep) this one up! Otherwise I'll make sure that the…umm…smuggles get you!"

Tails yelled 'THE SMURGGLES ARE HERE?! Where's my shotgun?", Tails yelled as he tried rushing off, but Sonic grabbed him.

Sonic replied "STOP! The only way you can defeat these smulglens…or slibbletalls…or whatever is to do good at pinball."

Tails did a face palm, saying "OF COURSE! It was so obvious…"

Relieved that he had gotten Tails to start playing good at pinball, Sonic went into the machine. Tails started playing pinball, singing "Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball! From Soho down to Brighton, I must have played them all…"

Meanwhile, Knuckles had finally found the final Master Emerald piece in the area by going into the machine room, where the gears and wheels of the casino's moving statues were spinning.

After grabbing the last emerald piece and tying it to the rest with duct tape, Knuckles said "This place seems to be important for the casino's power…this would be a GREAT training area!"

Soon, the casino performance stage got into a "mysterious" power outage, causing the Japanese Elvis impersonator to have a tantrum. His big performance was now ruined.

After Knuckles had done enough smashing things in the room, the greatest annoyance ever made by a video game appeared in the room. The light shouted "Hey! Look!", while Knuckles just told it to buzz off.

Finally, after the light kept saying its catchphrase long enough, Knuckles yelled "AUGH! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS LIGHT! How am I supposed to destroy things when I have to listen to that all day?"

The light replied "Hey! Look!", before creating a flash that sent Knuckles back in time.

Knuckles looked around him as he stood on a hill overlooking a village of echidnas. He said "Is this my free vacation from those sweepstakes I signed up for? COOL!"

He then noticed something about the tall shrine in the middle. "Hey, that looks awfully like a giant-"

"Hot dog!", said Sonic, "Tails is actually kicking ass at pinball!", right before he hit one of the bumpers on the pinball table. He then shrieked "OW! I hit my-"

"Plums and carrot!" shouted Eggman and he started setting out his orders in at restaurant. "Also, don't forget the usual…fat, lard, extra fat, carbs, trans fat, donuts, burgers, pasta, and everything else on the menu…oh, and did I mention a side of fat?"

The waiter felt like throwing up, and walked off with the gigantic order. Eggman yelled "And make it snappy! Otherwise, I'll have my robots shoot off your-"

"Little Knuckles! You're going to have a happy time…" said Knuckles, as he headed down to the echidna village in the hopes of "repopulating the species".

Meanwhile, Sonic was starting to get freaked out by the pinball game. "When did this game start putting in gay clowns?", he wondered while passing by NiGHTS in the pinball game.

Finally, Sonic decided to quit, so they went to the vault with the Chaos Emerald to deposit their earnings, in the hope that they had enough to get it.

In the vault, Sonic stepped on the button in the middle, and two claws came out, grabbed him, and started SHAKING ALL OF THE RINGS OUT OF HIM. THE PLAYER says "Can't they just accept the money in a way that's NORMAL?"

After being put down, Sonic yelled "What the hell was that for? Are you guys trying to rape me or something?"

The people controlling the claws said over speakers "…Would it be awkward if we said yes?"

Sonic's jaw widened, and he and Tails quickly grabbed the Chaos Emerald, choosing to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

Outside of the casino, Sonic and Tails were panting with relief when suddenly they were charged at by the Fatmobile. They dodged out of the way, but Tails dropped the Chaos Emerald they had just gotten.

Sonic yelled "First the purple one, and now this?! Damn it, Tails!"

As Sonic and Tails ran up to the clear Chaos Emerald, Eggman, suddenly sprayed them with gas. And no, this was not from one of Eggman's farts…though still just as deadly.

Sonic was instantly knocked out, but Tails just stood there, taking it all in. Eggman asked "What the deuce?"

Tails replied "I've had this stuff plenty of times before…I think I've developed an immunity to it or something…", and then he started singing "Purple Haze…all in my brain! Lately things just don't seem the same…"

Eggman shrieked at this, and threw his shoe at Tails in anger. The shoe hit Tails' head, knocking him out instantly. Eggman then grinned, saying "I now have a new secret weapon!" Eggman picked up the shoe and clear Chaos Emerald.

Now, Eggman could have just KILLED THEM RIGHT THEN, thereby taking out his biggest obstacles in his plan, but his Bond villain instinct took over again, and he left them there as he flew off for the hotel.

THE PLAYER says "How is this guy the main villain of the series? I guess they needed an idiot…a SMART villain would've killed Sonic a long time ago…"

Meanwhile, Knuckles had been searching for some action…but the female echidnas weren't very interested. Finally, he went to the other end of the city, where he found the village chief arguing with his daughter.

THE PLAYER says "What is this chief guy's name? The guide says Pachaca…Pachooku…HOW THE HELL DO YOU PRONOUNCE HIS NAME?! You know what, screw it! From now on, I shall just call him by the name of Steve! He shall be known as Steve the Echidna!"

Steve was arguing with his daughter, Tikal, over whether to go into the nearby Master Emerald shrine for the Chaos Emeralds.

Tikal said "Hey, man, it's not being in touch with nature. You know what I'm saying? Like, feeling all of the natural vibes and stuff, man?"

Steve replied "No way! What better strategy is there than to go into a sacred shrine and IMPULSIVELY DESTROY EVERYTHING? There surely wouldn't be any consequences resulting from this action!", showing that Steve was also bad at predicting the future.

Tikal explained "It's, like, totally wrong, man! You need to learn to be in touch with nature and everything else around you, man! FREE LOVE! I won't let you make everything a downer, man! And I'm sure the whole town stands with me! HELL NO, WE WON'T GO! HELL NO, WE WON'T GO!"

Steve sighed, saying "I should've NEVER let you start taking pot…"

Knuckles finally decided to interrupt at this point, saying "I think the hot chick is right in whatever she's talking about!"

Tikal said "See, father? I told you others would follow the movement! So, who are you?", looking at Knuckles.

Knuckles said "I like milk!"

Tikal and Steve were both wondering what he was talking about, until they realized that he wasn't speaking to Tikal's face, but to her chest. And by looking between Knuckles' legs, they noticed that he was obviously very happy to see Tikal.

Steve said "Oh, you son of a-", before tackling Knuckles. At this point, he started repeatedly punching and kicking Knuckles, who was screaming in pain.

Knuckles yelled "Ow! Ow! Abuse! I claim abuse! Ow!"

Meanwhile, Tikal was in an ecstatic mood, saying "I can't believe he likes me! Maybe someday we can marry, and have children, and then we can name them some nice names like Starfire or Wildflower or Sunshine or…", but just then Knuckles' vision ended.

Knuckles landed back in front of the casino, saying "Aww…just before I could score with that hippie chick!" He then noticed that Sonic and Tails were unconscious, and decided to mess with them…by spraying them both with TAG body spray. As the fan girls pounced on Sonic and Tails, Knuckles fled into the hotel.

Once in there, he noticed Eggman heading into an elevator. Knuckles wondered "Why would he be staying here? Hmm…MAYBE HE'S GOT A HOOKER! Threesome with a hooker, here I come!", and Knuckles went into the elevator as it re-opened.

THE PLAYER says "Damn, Knuckles...you're a horny little bastard!"

At the top of the elevator ride, Knuckles came out into a ballroom. Eggman saw Knuckles and was shocked, but then grinned. "Knuckles?! What perfect timing! Hmmm…I'll just use you as a guinea pig!"

Knuckles said "Cool! Where's my hamster wheel?"

Eggman said "Umm…that was just a metaphor. Come in, Chaos!"

Chaos arrived into the room, and Knuckles immediately recognized it. "It's thato ne water thing! It already kicked my ass once…so I'll fight it again to get my ass kicked again! Sweet!"

Eggman then threw the clear Chaos Emerald at Chaos, and Chaos swallowed it. Chaos immediately changed form, and the Transformers theme song started playing in the background randomly.

Now Chaos had two big arms, and tiny horns. Knuckles said "Ha! Changing form won't scare me! Spiders do!"

Eggman yelled "Chaos…attack him!"

THE PLAYER says "No…why don't you do the fighting for once? Come on, let's have a fisticuffs right now, you and Knuckles!"

Eggman replied "(bleep) no! A true Bond villain always has others fight for him before going after the hero himself!"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes and says "More like what a lazy ass does…"

Eggman yelled "QUIET, YOU!", before initiating the fight.

Chaos turned into a giant bouncy ball, and Knuckles started playing volleyball with it. I AM NOT KIDDING.

Soon, Chaos turned back to normal form and attempted to punch Knuckles by stretching out its arm. Knuckles dodged the punch, singing 'It's the...eye of the tiger! It's the feel of the fight! Rising up to the challenge of our rival…"

THE PLAYER says "Hehe...this fight is fun! But why is this in a BALLROOM? What, are they here to start dancing?"

Eggman replied "NO!", putting away some violins as he said so.

After the punch, Chaos froze into a kung fu position with its arm sticking out and its palm inwards, completely ripping off The Matrix. But by staying in place there, all Chaos did was give Knuckles the opportunity to start beating the crap out of Chaos.

Knuckles said "This fight is easy!", before Chaos suddenly shrunk down in the floor, becoming a giant puddle that started flooding the whole room. Knuckles jumped up and started flying over the water, yelling "Oh no! He might ruin my shoes! THAT WOULD BE A DISASTER!!!"

Meanwhile, the hotel cleaning staff all gave the finger to Chaos, knowing that they would be the ones that had to clean this up!

Eventually, Chaos turned back into its Matrix rip-off position, and Knuckles tackled Chaos, punching it fiercer than anything before. Knuckles yelled "How DARE you threaten to ruin my shoes! I just got these 5 years ago!"

THE PLAYER says "Ewww…"

After Knuckles had beaten up Chaos enough, Eggman finally called off the fight. Knuckles said "Damn it…but I like punching things!"

Eggman grinned and said "Oh, you'll want to punch someone else after I tell you this news!"

Knuckles said "More punching? YAAAAY! So, what do you have to tell me?"

Eggman said "It's about Sonic."

Knuckles said "What, that he's gay? I always thought that something was going on between him and Tails…"

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS say "YES!"

Eggman's jaw gaped, and he said "NO! Sonic's not gay! He's after the pieces of the Master Emerald!"

Knuckles said "Wait, what? My precious jewel thingies? THAT BASTARD! Wait…how can I trust you?"

Eggman said "Umm…I…", and he suddenly looked at the ground and picked up a random pebble from there. He then said "Here! I'll give you a piece of the Master Emerald to show that you can trust me!", and gave Knuckles the pebble.

Knuckles looked at the pebble suspiciously for a second, then said "YES! The day is mine!", and he held up the pebble triumphantly.

While Knuckles was celebrating his "victory", Eggman and Chaos headed out of there and back to the Mystic Ruins. Finally, Knuckles said "Hooray! Now I have an excuse to kick Sonic's ass!", and Knuckles also headed to the Mystic Ruins.

THE PLAYER yells "HA! You could've just kicked Sonic's ass right now, while he's still UNCONSCIOUS in front of the casino! Oh well…"

* * *

**This is the longest chapter I've ever written...in both this fic and my other Sonic fic!! You might want to read this chapter a second time over so you can remember your favorite parts/quotes again before reviewing! Oh, and for those who didn't get the Donald Trump's casino reference…that casino is the only one in history to actually lose more money than it gained in a year! And for those who didn't get the TAG body spray joke…you have to see the commercials to get it!**


	6. To Kill A Plushie

**Just a quick comment…one time, I decided to randomly play the entire game with Japanese voices and Spanish subtitles! IT WAS FUNNY AS HELL! I couldn't get a thing the Sonic characters were saying…**

* * *

The next morning, Sonic and Tails woke up in the street, but now covered in plushies. Sonic said "Oh no…those fan girls must have had their way with us last night!"

He then sniffed and said "WHO SPRAYED US WITH TAG?! I'll kill that bastard…"

Tails stood up, groaning "Ugh…what happened to that emerald we just had? The fan girls must have robbed us!"

THE PLAYER blinks, commenting "Man…you WERE high last night!"

Sonic glared at Tails, then yelled "YOU DROPPED IT SO EGGMAN COULD GET IT, YOU (bleep)ING IDIOT! See, this is why I don't trust you with anything!"

Tails replied "Sorry, man…it was those (bleep)ing smurggles…"

Sonic sighed, before standing up and saying "Let's just get busy already!"

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are about to cheer, but are interrupted by Sonic, who yelled "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!"

Suddenly, Cream flew down to Sonic and Tails, saying "Hooray for few-second cameos!"

Tails immediately thought, _Steady, Tails! Just use your pimp moves, and this chick's all yours!_

Tails said "Hey, baby! What do you say we (bleep)(bleep)(bleep) and (bleep)(bleep) on the (bleep)(bleep) with (bleep)? (bleep)!"

Cream instantly slapped Tails, yelling "No way, pervert!", and she walked off. As she went, she threw the Ice Stone back at Tails, which promptly hit his head and knocked him down to the ground.

Sonic patted Tails' back, saying "Don't worry, there's plenty of other chicks…but that WAS a pretty stupid pick-up line!", causing Tails to pout.

-

Gamma opened his eyes to see Eggman standing in front of him. Eggman said "Greetings, robot that certainly won't betray me and then be the first good character in Sonic history to die! You are the E-102 Gamma, built by me."

THE PLAYER says "Now we KNOW that he's going to be crappy…"

Eggman shouted "And what do you mean by THAT?"

THE PLAYER replies "Haven't you realized by now? Everything you build winds up always getting destroyed! It's like Captain Kirk having sex with chicks…Wait, you aren't having sex with your robots, are you?"

Eggman yelled "NO! That's disgusting! Get that Rule 34 out of your mind!"

Gamma walked forward, then said "I want to blow up things. Where can I shoot stuff."

THE PLAYER leans forward, saying "Did I hear that correctly? We get to shoot things in this game? (bleep)ING AWESOME!!!"

Eggman said "Yes…you get to shoot and blow up things! Now go into the shooting range!"

Gamma walked around the base, which had some techno/disco music combination playing in the background.

THE PLAYER says "I knew it…Disco IS evil!"

As Gamma passed by two tubes, THE PLAYER asks "Wait…why are there TWO different Metal Sonics in here? There's one in the first tube, and another in the second tube! Metal Sonic can't be in two places at once!"

Eggman yelled "Stop pointing out this game's inconsistencies and just head into the shooting range already!"

Gamma entered a nearby door, going into the level that would make many fan girls cry. This was the level where Gamma truly proved his strength and valor…by shooting at some plushies.

ALL FAN GIRLS are crying "I'm sorry, cute little Tails plushie…BUT KISS YOUR SORRY ASS GOODBYE!!!", and ALL FAN GIRLS blow up some Tails plushies, wiping away tears from their eyes as they do so.

THE PLAYER comments "Note to self: Avoid fan girls at all costs from now on! They're too unpredictable…"

Finally, Gamma got to the last room, where a Sonic plushie was moving from side to side. Gamma pulled up his gun, saying "It's time for me to…Kill Plushie."

The song "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" started playing in the background, and Gamma started shooting at the Sonic plushie.

First, Gamma lopped off one of the Sonic plushie's arms. The Sonic plushie suddenly came to life, saying "Tis but a scratch!"

THE PLAYER asks "A scratch? Your arm's off!"

The Sonic plushie replied "No it isn't!"

THE PLAYER says 'Then what's that?", pointing to the missing arm.

The plushie responded "…I've had worse!", just as its other arm was lopped off by another one of Gamma's shots.

The Sonic plushie then said "Come on then! Have at you!"

THE PLAYER shouted "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!"

The Sonic plushie looked down, saying "Just a flesh wound."

Gamma lopped off one of the plushie's legs, and it just said "I'm invincible!"

THE PLAYER responded "You're a looney!", before having Gamma shoot off the plushie's other leg.

The plushie then yelled "I'll bite your legs off-", before getting its head chopped off by a final shot.

Gamma headed out of the level, having successfully killed the Sonic plushie, and went back out to the beginning to find Eggman sitting in the lower level of the base with another robot.

Eggman said "Good job! Now I want you to meet your brother, the E-101 Beta!"

Beta said "What is up, bro. I know that I am the better between us, but it is bro-kay."

Gamma asked "What are you doing."

Beta replied "Just improving my bro-cabulary. You can call me a bro-tivational speaker."

Gamma said "Quiet, you annoyance", and started throwing grenades at Beta. Beta responded by pulling out some AK-47s and shooting at Gamma.

Eggman shouted "SILENCE! Now, we are going to have you two compete for a spot on my new ship! And we shall do this in the style of…Jeopardy!", and Eggman pushed a button, causing a blue board and two pedestals with buttons on them to appear. Eggman then said "First question: What…is your favorite color?"

-

After many rounds of answering questions, it came down to a tie with one final question. Eggman said "What…is the capital of Assyria?"

Beta replied "How am I supposed to know that-", but was interrupted as Gamma fired a rocket launcher at Beta.

Eggman started chanting "Fight, fight, fight, fight…", even though he was the only one circling around Gamma and Beta.

Gamma pulled out his own guns, saying "I am ready anytime."

Eggman said "As the referee of this, I shall try to keep myself as unbiased as possible… MY MONEY'S ON BETA!!!"

The fight started immediately. Gamma started singing a song from Finding Nemo, only changing the words around a bit by singing "Just keep shooting, just keep shooting, just keep shooting, shooting, shooting. What do we do. We shoot." THE FIGHT IS EASY.

After Gamma kicked Beta's ass, Eggman declared "Gamma is the winner, and therefore he gets the spot!" But then, Beta walked up to Eggman and decided to be a WHINY LITTLE BITCH.

After having enough of Beta's temper tantrum, Eggman finally said "FINE! I'll also let you on the new ship…by giving you special permission!"

THE PLAYER replies "More like special needs!", causing Eggman to scoff at THE PLAYER.

Meanwhile, Beta was busy mocking Gamma from behind Eggman's back while the doctor wasn't looking, so Gamma just said "Show-off."

Meanwhile, Eggman said "Now, what's the next part of the plot I have to do-OH NO, THE FIGHT!!!" Eggman facepalmed, saying "At the other side of the Mystic Ruins, there's going to be a dramatic plot-building fight between Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles! I can't miss that!"

Eggman jumped into the Fatmobile, saying "Fatman…AWAY!!!!", and the pod zoomed out of the base.

* * *

**If you don't know what movie scene I was teasing with the Sonic plushie's "flesh wounds", then you really need to learn more about pop-culture!**


	7. The Knuckshank Redemption

**To The DragonLord Pwns All…yes, this fic is indeed based off of NCHammer's Kingdom Hearts fic! Good spotting! You have a good sense of FanFiction humor! And I would recommend it to anyone who likes this fic...**

* * *

In a distant cave, two explorers were going through a cave and randomly laughing. Due to copyright conflicts with MTV, this fic is not allowed to say their names, but can say that both of them had names that started with a B.

"Hey, B-----", said one of them who was holding up a package of bandages, "It says here…Uhhh…'Put a-long-side the wound'…Uhuhuhuhuhuh! It said 'long'!"

The other one started laughing, saying "Heh…hehe…hey B-------! Do you think we'll be able to score with some chicks here?"

The first replied "Uhuhuhuhuh…If any of us scores, it'll be me!" He then looked around the cave, saying "Uhuhuhuhuh….Come to B-------!"

Meanwhile, the fic suddenly just resolved its conflict with MTV with some "persuasion tactics" involving an AK-47. Beavis searched through their first-aid kit, and found what he needed…sugar.

Meanwhile, Butthead commented "I just realized something…This cave sucks!"

THE PLAYER is amazed that Butthead has somehow developed a capacity for logic, even though this notion was immediately wiped out when Butthead said "Uhuhuhuhuh…I said 'suck'!"

Meanwhile, Beavis was shaking uncontrollably, then finally yelled "I AM CORNHOLIO!!! I need T.P. for my bunghole!"

Butthead searched through the first-aid kit for T.P., but instead found some matches and demolition packs. THE PLAYER is really confused as to why a first-aid kit would have demolition packs, but it moves along the story.

Beavis yelled "Do you have T.P.? T.P. for my bunghole?"

Butthead read the instructions for the matches, saying 'Uhhhh…'Rub against a hard surface….Uhuhuhuhuh! It said 'hard'!", and Butthead chose to light the match right over the demolition packs.

Just before they blew their asses to a height that would make Mt. Everest envious, Beavis yelled "Hehe…Fire! Fire!"

And THAT is how the new cave was blown open in the Mystic Ruins.

-

Knuckles walked out of the Mystic Ruins train station, saying "I'm here to kick ass and find jewels…and I'm all out of jewels!" THE PLAYER laughs, as Knuckles still hasn't realized the other meaning implied in that statement.

Knuckles then said "Man, I have to find Sonic and see why he's after the Master Emerald! After all, when has trusting Eggman ever led me wrong?", completely forgetting the plots of Sonic 3, Sonic and Knuckles, and Sonic Triple Trouble.

Knuckles decided to start by searching near Tails' workshop. He eventually went into a cave where some bars suddenly slid behind him as he entered, trapping him. Knuckles said "Oh no! I'm going to jail again? Now I'm going to have to tattoo the prison layout on my back, makes friends with all the gangs, and choose between the 'grape jelly' or 'maple syrup'!"

THE PLAYER throws up at Knuckles' third thing. If you don't know what this means…you don't want to know. I'm not kidding.

Knuckles then looked around and realized that he was the only one in there. Well, with one exception…the annoying light! From outside of the cave, one could have heard many of Knuckles' screams that day.

Finally, Knuckles realized that the light was floating over some claws lying there on the ground. Knuckles picked them up, and the light said "You've got the Shovel Claw! You can-AHHHHH!", as Knuckles punched the light into the wall and continued onward.

THE PLAYER asks "What kind of jail is this? They just leave the item he needs to escape LYING RIGHT THERE ON THE GROUND!!!"

Knuckles then couldn't resist stating the obvious by saying "Hmmm….I just realized something! I can break out with these!"

As THE PLAYER does a face palm, Knuckles said "Remember kids…busting out of jail is a GREAT IDEA and will DEFINITELY make society a better place!"

Knuckles could've just dug through the wall RIGHT THEN to escape, but he said "No…I want to kill the monkey guard on my way out as well! Remember, kids…killing a guard on the way out while escaping from jail is EVEN BETTER!"

This fic is beating down Sonic Sez, butchering it, pissing on its dead body, and then beating on it some more.

Knuckles decided to dig in a nearby sandpile in the hopes of finding something to kill the monkey guard with. While digging, THE PLAYER notes that Knuckles sounds like Fat Albert.

Finally, Knuckles dug up a "Monkey Destruction Switch". THE PLAYER asks "What the hell is that doing here? Eggman is a horrible prison designer…"

Knuckles, however, could not think of the possible implications of this. "Hmmm…I'm trying to think, but nothing happens!" THE PLAYER laughs at the Three Stooges reference.

Finally, Knuckles just went over the monkey guard in the hopes of bribing it. When the monkey demanded an enormous sum of one cent, Knuckles stumbled back angrily and accidentally fell on the switch he had dug up.

As the monkey blew up, Knuckles said "Cool…I CAN BLOW THINGS UP WITH MY MIND!!!" Knuckles ran out of the now-open prison cell and decided to check out another cave nearby. In here was yet another place for the Chao.

Knuckles looked around for a second, then said "It looks like there's nothing too powerful here…that means I'm the king of this place!"

He then went over to some Chao, yelling 'BOW! BOW DOWN TO YOUR MASTER! MUAHAHA!" When the Chao didn't respond, Knuckles ran off crying.

Soon, Knuckles randomly wound up going through the new tunnel, which took him back to near the Master Emerald. At this point, he realized some missing pieces were at the nearby Red Mountain.

THE PLAYER asks "Wait a second…you mean to say that there were some pieces RIGHT ACROSS THE WAY from the broken Master Emerald, and you didn't go after them FIRST?!"

Knuckles ignored this comment, and decided to try blowing up the monkey guarding Red Mountain with his mind. Failing that, he only became more confused, and started banging on the ground in a temper tantrum.

The monkey, meanwhile, just looked at Knuckles and commented "Wow…I see so much weird stuff in a day! Man, I hate this shift of guard duty…"

Knuckles then hit the switch while in his tantrum, causing the monkey to blow up and for that monkey's family to be forever traumatized over the loss of their loved one…but that's another story.

Knuckles ran into the level, and started doing some mountain climbing for Master Emerald pieces. After a few seconds, THE PLAYER says "This is boring!", and switches to some Zelda games.

-A FEW WEEKS LATER-

THE PLAYER finally decides to finish that EXTREMELY BORING level.

Knuckles said "Aw come on! I had to go through tons of spike traps and digging to get the three pieces in this level!" THE PLAYER responds "Just get your ass over to the Mystic Ruins waterfall already! The plot has to move on to a fight between characters!"

Knuckles whined "Fiiiiine!", before storming out of the level and heading to the waterfall.

* * *

**I know, this chapter is pretty short…but the next chapter is going to be very long!**


	8. Sonicball Z

**I'm not writing much in this beginning part, as this is going to be a long chapter! This covers quite a bit of the story…**

* * *

Sonic and Tails had finally arrived at the Mystic Ruins with their new Ice Stone, though this was only accomplished after many attempts by Sonic to stop Tails from smoking the stone.

Upon leaving the station, Tails said "I could be doing something productive/important right now, but instead I've decided to go searching for rocks!"

THE PLAYER says "In Sonic Chaos, the goal was to find some rocks. In Sonic Triple Trouble, the goal was to find some rocks. And in this game…the goal is to find some rocks! What a unique twist SEGA has added!"

Sonic glared, while Tails commented "So I guess we can say that the common goal of the Sonic games is finding rocks…Wait, why are these games popular again?"

Sonic said "Quiet, you! Let's just get going to find some more rocks already!", so Sonic dragged off Tails into the new cave.

Inside said cave, they found where to put the Ice Stone, and then the wall in front of them slid open like-

"MALL DOORS!!!", yelled Tails, who then promptly ran in to search for the nearest Food Court. He said "I've got some munchies to take care of…"

Tails licked on a nearby icicle, only to get his tongue stuck. Many chainsaws, flamethrowers, and shoes later, Tails had finally managed to break free of this. "Damn! Now my munchies will never get taken care of…", he said.

Upon finding out that the place wasn't a mall, and really just a pond with a ladder leading to the next level, Tails started going on a swearing rant before pushing Sonic into the icy pond.

As Sonic was nearly drowning, Tails said "Hmm…maybe this is one of those wishing ponds!", and he proceeded to drop some coins in there.

In an act that was ruining every aspect of underwater physics, Sonic jumped from coin to coin and finally made it back to the surface. After giving Tails a beating that would make him scared of the color blue from there on, they entered the Icecap level.

Inside, they immediately came across a robot driving some strange machine that was puffing out ice. Sonic approached it, saying "COOL! What does this do?"

The robot suddenly pushed a button, and the machine blasted lots of ice and snow at Sonic, freezing him.

Tails yelled "AWESOME! A Sonicsicle!" After a few minutes, however, Tails started to realize that this was a bad situation, and started wondering how to unfreeze Sonic.

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS are shouting "Maybe you can lick up all of that ice!", which caused Tails to throw up.

ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS then say "There's another way you could warm him up, too…", causing Tails to run outside screaming for help.

THE PLAYER says "Somebody needs to restrain those crazed fan girls! They're interrupting the game too much!"

THE PLAYER then goes psycho with the controller, causing Sonic to break free. Sonic then asked "So that WASN'T a snow-cone machine? Awww…", before also walking outside.

After going further in the level, Sonic and Tails finally reached a cave where the main path was blocked by a pit with icicles over it. Sonic immediately jumped up and grabbed onto one of the icicles.

Not only did this make NO PHYSICAL SENSE, but from the camera angle it looked like Sonic was humping the icicle. Sonic yelled "Hey! I've got urges, alright?", making THE PLAYER lose his/her breakfast.

Sonic started jumping from icicle to icicle, and moved on until he and Tails reached a small bridge made out of ice blocks that stretched over the entire cave. The sign next to the bridge said "I-35W: Perfectly safe!"

Tails commented "Um…Sonic, are you sure we should cross this?"

Sonic replied "You read the sign, didn't you? IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE!", so Sonic started going across the bridge. It was not much of a surprise when the bridge started collapsing under Sonic.

Much screaming and running later, Sonic got across the bridge and out of the cave. As Sonic and Tails were heading down the last tunnel which would take them outside, they reached a dead end with a wooden gate.

Sonic yelled "OH NO! Despite all of the obstacles we've gone through, how are we supposed to get through this small wooden gate? I can't think of anything!"

Tails just rolled his eyes and did an epic dive to break through the gate. Upon heading outside, they then realized exactly why the gate was there in the first place.

Sonic noticed an avalanche coming their way, so he and Tails jumped down and grabbed some CONVENIENTLY LOCATED snowboards and sped off. They had somehow learned how to snowboard in less than one second.

THE PLYER rolls his/her eyes, saying "Great…so now they're suddenly the greatest athletes on the planet! When will SEGA learn…boards and Sonic characters do not mix well!"

YUJI NAKA listens to THE PLAYER and says "I didn't hear you fully…did you say boards and Sonic characters MIX WELL?!" And that is how Sonic Riders was made.

Despite the fact that they were being chased by an avalanche and would be dead by now if normal physics had its way, Sonic yelled "Hey Tails! WANNA RACE?!"

Tails stupidly agreed, saying "It shall be a showdown between the chibi and the bishie!"

Meanwhile, some X-Games sportscasters started flying overhead, saying "This race is now X-Games property, and is endorsed by Pepsi, Red Bull, Nature Valley, Coca-Cola,…", and the list continued for the next 3 minutes.

Sonic yelled "(bleep) THE SPONSORS!!!", causing the X-Games sportscasters to start trying to bomb Sonic and Tails from above.

Sonic then said "I'M SORRY!", and continued with the epic race against Tails.

One of the sportscasters said "And the official, number 1 sponsor is Pepsi-no wait, now it's Red Bull! Never mind, now it's Coca-Cola! And Sprite just bought out the title!"

While the sponsor battle continued, another sportscaster said, "Since we have nothing better to do, we shall watch these two animated video game characters race against each other…" The sportscaster sighed and said "This, folks, is the end of the X-Games!"

Sonic yelled "AWESOME! Now all we have to do is ruin the Olympics next!"

YUJI NAKA immediately starts writing down and making his evil plans for 2008.

Near the end of the level, they reached an intersection between snowboarding on top of some cliffs or going below the cliffs. Sonic, who isn't a complete dumbass (just mostly), chose to go down along the bottom. Tails, on the other hand, proved himself to be a complete dumbass by going on top of the cliff.

THE PLAYER says "If real physics was acting here, there's no way that Tails would survive the fall from this cliff to the end of the level!"

Sonic was nearly at the end of the level. Just as he saw the Chaos Emerald ahead, and started speeding up towards it…he was slammed into from above.

Tails fell onto Sonic while singing "I can believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky…" in midair, sending Sonic flying into a nearby rock wall. Meanwhile, Tails landed right next to the Chaos Emerald, saying "What an accomplishment! I won a completely pointless race with a rock as the prize!"

-

Once outside of the level, Sonic and Tails had decided to head over to the waterfall and ask all of the archeologists if they had seen any rocks. This left many archeologists scratching their heads and wondering if those two had escaped from the nearby mental asylum.

Meanwhile, Knuckles happened to be around the same area, and THE PLAYER suddenly asks "Wait…what happened to the Shovel Claws you just had?"

Knuckles then replied "Ummm…nothing! I DEFINITELY didn't lose them!"

THE PLAYER then asks "How the hell did you dig up those Master Emerald pieces in Red Mountain?"

Knuckles then said "I'm just that awesome!", hiding a power drill behind his back as he said so.

He then noticed Sonic and Tails on top of a hill there, looking at the green Chaos Emerald. ALL YAOI FAN GRILS are cheering, as from the camera angle it looks like Sonic is proposing to Tails.

THE PLAYER instantly bulldozes out ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS, and prepares to laugh at Knuckles' stupidity. There will be many laughs indeed…

Kn8ckles, upon seeing the Chaos Emerald, said "Is that a piece of the Master Emerald they have?" He decided to check by holding up the pebble Eggman had given him in Station Square, which looked absolutely nothing like the Chaos Emerald.

Knuckles looked at both the small pebble and the big Chaos Emerald, then said "Yep…they DEFINITELY have a piece of the Master Emerald! Or a piece of rock candy! Either way, I have to take it!"

As Knuckles charged at them, Tails said "My retardation senses are tingling…"

Knuckles stopped in front of Sonic and Tails, yelling "Alright! Put em up!", which caused Tails to instinctively put his hands up at the thought of this being an arrest. Various drugs immediately started falling onto the ground around him.

Tails yelled "Th-that's not mine, officer! I don't know where that came from, man! And…a person planted it on me…or something…I plea the fifth!", shifting his eyes around nervously as he said so.

While Sonic did another facepalm, Knuckles said "I'm not here for your drugs! FALCON-I mean, KNUCKLES PAWNCH!!!", and Knuckles did his easily predictable punch attack, which Sonic and Tails dodged.

Sonic said "Hey Knuckles! What's buggin ya?", causing THE PLAYER to do a facepalm at Sonic's inevitable pun.

This only pissed off Knuckles even more, causing Sonic and Tails to geti nto a fight with Knuckles that totally looked like something out of Dragonball Z. The fight even had some similar rock music playing in the background during the fight.

Tails suddenly said "Wait a minute! What if…the seven Chaos Emeralds are really a complete rip-off of the seven Dragonballs? They ARE both rocks, after all…"

Sonic yelled "Shut up and fight, Tails! We don't want to give our fans any ideas…"

Just then, Sonic and Knuckles head-butted into each other. THE PLAYER comments "Nothing to damage in there…"

This inevitably sent Sonic flying backwards, with the two Chaos Emeralds flying out of his reach. As Sonic said "Oh no! My rocks!", Eggman flew up from his hiding place laughing.

Eggman grabbed the two Chaos Emeralds, saying "This is just as easy as taking candy from a baby…well okay, not THAT hard!", shuddering at memories of his earlier failed attempts to steal candy from a baby.

As Eggman tried to think of a different cliché to use for this, he finally said "You know what they say…first come, first serve!"

Sonic replied "But we had those Chaos Emeralds first…so wouldn't that saying mean that we should be the ones holding them right now?"

Eggman yelled "SILENCE! Don't question my use of clichés!"

Knuckles, in a sudden burst of genius that was instantly drowned out by his voluminous amount of stupidity, said "Wait…those were the CHAOS Emeralds!"

As Sonic did yet another facepalm, Eggman said "Yes…and you fell right for my lie!"

Sonic yelled "What the hell, Knuckles? You were tricked by Eggman AGAIN?"

Knuckles responded with perhaps the stupidest line he has ever said in the entire series by saying "Like, you weren't?" He actually said this. THE PLAYER's jaw is gaping.

Sonic built up tons of anger, then screamed "NO!!! NO, I DIDN'T FALL FOR SOME BULL(bleep) LIE THAT EGGMAN TOLD ME, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE'S LIED TO US PLENTY OF TIMES BEFORE!!!"

Knuckles pouted at this statement. Eggman then said "This was too easy! I summon Chaos!", causing THE PLAYER to wonder why Eggman is treating Chaos like a Pokemon.

Chaos came onto the scene, and Eggman threw him the two new Chaos Emeralds. If Chaos could talk, it might have been singing something along the lines of "Hungry, hungry hippos! Hungry, hungry hippos!"

As Chaos turned into its new form, Tails said "It transformed again!", making THE PLAYER wonder why Tails just can't resist stating the obvious.

So another fight started, though Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles all teamed up against Chaos this time. THE PLAYER asks "Why not just wait until one of them is alone before having Chaos fight them in this form? But I guess that wouldn't be acting like a Bond villain…"

In the fight, Chaos went into the waterfall pool, and the Jaws theme music suddenly started playing in the background. Sonic yelled "Time to die, fish sticks!…Mmm, fish sticks!", and Sonic started drooling.

As Sonic was thinking about lunch, Tails and Knuckles started doing all of the fighting. Soon, Chaos unveiled a new attack where he split up into four balls of water that launched themselves at their foes.

Tails yelled "Look out for Chaos' big balls!"

Knuckles yelled "Make sure not to touch Chaos' balls!"

Sonic was still hit by one of the projectiles, and he said "Oww…get your balls out of my face, Chaos!"

Eggman then yelled "Stop talking about Chaos' balls!"

Chaos then reformed and surfaced to the top. Tails grabbed Chaos from behind while Knuckles started punching Chaos' face in. This looked exactly like a mobster beat-up.

After the VERY ONE-SIDED fight ended, Eggman chose to follow the footsteps of all of the bravest villains…he ran away. Eggman summoned a giant ship which came out from behind a cloud.

He then shouted "This is my new invention…the Egg Carrier! Mere words cannot describe it…so I shall go into a long, unending description of it! It is great, bountiful, beautiful, large, fantastic…"

Sonic responded by muttering "I think he made that big ship to compensate for the size of something else of his…", causing Tails and Knuckles to fall over laughing while Eggman glared at them.

Then Tails said "Hey…that does look like a giant-"

"Mighty, majestic, and long!", yelled Eggman, who was still continuing with his never-ending description of his ship. "And it does NOT look like a-"

"Johnson!", yelled the military commander, "Get over here! We have a crisis!". When Johnson arrived, he found the commander sitting in his bathtub, having a bubble bath.

Johnson asked 'What is it, sir?"

The commander replied "I lost my rubber duck! Help me find it!"

Johnson felt around in the water through the bubbles, then said "I've got something here!"

The commander yelled "That's not my rubber duck! That's my-"

"Commander!", said Sonic while he was talking about the ship. "Eggman, how can you be commander of this ship?"

Eggman said "Just because I'm…erm…big-boned doesn't mean that I don't have a big brain! Now I bid you, adieu!", acting French for some random reason.

A beam came out from under the ship and landed on Eggman and Chaos. While Chaos was sent up immediately, the beam had trouble lifting up Eggman, mainly due to the large amount of mass that had to be transported.

Eggman shrieked again at this. After threatening to throw his shoe at the ship, it finally sucked him up into it.

After the ship flew off, Tails again stated the obvious by saying "We can't let him get away! Let's head to my workshop and take The Tornado!"

Knuckles then said "You guys go on ahead! I've got some…um…business to take care of!"

THE PLAYER looks at Knuckles, asking "Are you a mobster?"

Knuckles yelled "NO!", while hiding his 1920s gangster outfit and machine gun behind his back.

-

At the workshop, Tails told Sonic to wait outside as Tails went in. As Sonic was waiting, he heard an explosion inside, and immediately assumed that Tails had been messing around with his meth lab…again.

Suddenly, the front of the workshop opened to reveal a plane that was heading out, with Tails in the cockpit. Tails yelled "Welcome to Tails Airlines! We'll be flying en route to an enemy ship to destroy it today!"

Sonic replied "What food do we have? I'm hungry!"

Tails said "Um…I don't know, man! I don't think we have any food!"

Sonic yelled "WHAT?! (bleep) THAT!!!"

Tails glared at Sonic, saying 'Just hop in, damn it!", and Sonic jumped onto the back of the plane and stood there.

THE PLAYER wonders "How can you stand on the plane like that? Wouldn't the wind just blow you off the second you got into the air? I hate SEGA's abuse of physics…"

Tails saw that the nearby trees had bent out of the way, clearing a runway for his plane. Unfortunately, this was actually just a hallucination from the meth he had just taken, and in reality he crashed into several trees before finally taking off.

In the air, Sonic and Tails flew toward the Egg Carrier, and quickly wound up fighting with its many defenses. As Tails started shooting down some of Eggman's robot ships, he yelled "SWEET! I'm just like Star Fox!"

Sonic yelled back "You'll never get into HIS category of fame!"

Tails just ignored Sonic and started humming the Star Wars theme song.

Sonic then yelled "Star Wars and Star Fox are two different things, you idiot! Sure, they both have space dogfights…but Star Wars uses light sabers while Star Fox uses animals!"

THE PLAYER responds "Though I guess that doesn't stop you from ripping off both of them, now does it?"

Soon, Tails had to dodge some bombs that were launched at them from the Egg Carrier. Tails then said "Hmm…maybe if I used the kamikaze tactic on the ship-"

"NO!!!" yelled Sonic. "NO KILLING YOURSELF FOR THE CAUSE…at least not while I'm on board! Kill yourself on your own time!"

THE PLAYER says sardonically "What a great message that you're sending to kids everywhere…"

Finally, Tails flew them to the front of the ship. Sonic yelled "Way to go, Tails!"

Just then, Eggman fired his HUGE-ASS LASER™ at The Tornado. While they would have originally easily dodged this, Tails suddenly said "COOOOOOL!!! Pretty light, man…", and flew right into the beam.

As The Tornado was hit and started spinning out of control, Sonic yelled at Tails "FORGET WHAT I SAID BEFORE, YOU (bleep)ing (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)er (bleep)(bleep)…"

* * *

**What will happen to them? We're halfway to the climax of the plot…**


	9. Operation Desert Rock

**I came up with the idea for the beginning of this chapter from Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series! Except I'm putting an interesting spin on this…**

* * *

First, there was shown an image of space, with stars in the background. Then, the Star Wars theme song started playing in the background, and the giant words ROCK WARS scrolled up.

The words underneath them said the following story:

_Previously, Sonic and Tails lost the two rocks they had gained to Eggman. This angered _

_them, so they decided to chase after Eggman in the hopes of getting some rocks back, and _

_vengeance for the rocks originally stolen. Unfortunately, they were shot down in pursuit _

_of the rocks, and have landed in separate places. Without Sonic around to help him, Tails _

_must take up the quest of finding rocks…_

The camera angle went back down to Earth, where Big the Cat was standing in the middle of Station Square, randomly running around in circles in front of the train station asking "Froggy? Where are you?" After obviously getting no response, the search began.

Finally, after sticking up posters of "Have you seen this frog?" with a drawing that a six-year old girl would spit at, he chose to find Froggy himself.

As he walked forward, he realized that something was missing on him…his lucky charm for fishing. THE PLAYER yells "Nice job, Froggy! Pick-pocketing Big of a Chaos Emerald is surely no easy task!", before rolling his/her eyes.

Big yelled "NOOOOOOO! I shall make you pay, Froggy!", and tracked down Froggy into another part of the city using his sense of smell.

Froggy was eventually backed into a corner, with Big getting closer and closer. Froggy then noticed his escape…a manhole underneath a car. Having to choose between the sewers and Big, he chose for the one that smelled less…by jumping down the manhole.

Big decided to rip-off the World's Strongest Man contest by lifting up and throwing the car into a nearby building. As Big jumped into the sewers after Froggy, the same RANDOM GUY from Chapter 1 came out and saw that his car had been smashed into a nearby building.

He yelled "WHAT IS UP WITH MY LUCK TODAY?!", before the Geico gecko again came to the scene and saved the day…though one could debate that since this is before the incident with the blob, it wouldn't be "again".

Going to the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of philosophical/metaphysical debates, Big the Cat was storming through the sewers, looking for his pet frog. He finally reached an elevator, but when he tried to enter, it got stuck.

The pure force that it was taking to try closing that door to hold his body mass and try to lift it up a couple of floors would have killed fifty horses, and that was just an underestimation.

When the elevator finally brought Big up to the Twinkle Park entrance in an act that would cause the elevator to break down from there on, Big got off and headed into the park after Froggy.

THE PLAYER asks "Wait…isn't this place still under construction? Oh (bleep)…BIG'S IN THE PROJECTS!!!"

Inside the "projects", Big eventually found Froggy swimming around in a pool. The problem was that he was in there with MANY OTHER FISH.

THE PLAYER asks "Who's in charge of the pool sanitation around here? I've seen some badly cleaned pools before…but damn! For a soon-to-be amusement park?"

Big decided to do what he was most skilled at (and ONLY skilled at), and started fishing for Froggy. THE PLAYER is soon banging his/her head against the wall, saying "When will the boredom stop? I hope the rest of Big's levels aren't like this…" THE PLAYER is horribly wrong.

Unfortunately for Big, Froggy was completely ignoring the bait because he wasn't hungry. Big was just about to give up when he noticed one of the nearby robot monkeys, and got an idea.

Big grabbed a robot monkey, and had it start throwing bombs INTO THE POOL. As fish were flying past his face from these explosions, Big said "Froggy's bound to come out of here soon! YAY!"

Froggy finally realized the danger he was in from Big's stupidity, and chose to jump out. But just before Big could grab Froggy…he was dragged out by security for throwing bombs into the pool.

While Froggy counted his blessings and started making a run for the Mystic Ruins, Big was not only kicked out of Twinkle Park, but thrown into the sewers below.

Meanwhile, in a nearby home, a six-year-old boy was just concluding the hypothesis he had made for a very scientific experiment…what would happen if Goldie, his pet goldfish, got flushed down a toilet? And THAT is how the "lure upgrade" appeared in the sewers for Big.

Big grabbed the goldfish, saying "Mmm…more fish will like this for bait!" So, instead of going to a FISHING SHOP like someone NORMAL would do for a lure upgrade, Big put the goldfish on the end of his fishing line and headed out.

-

That evening, in the Mystic Ruins, Tails had crash-landed and was having a flashback while unconscious, which showed the first time he met Sonic.

In it, Tails was walking through the forest, looking EXTREMELY EMO. In fact, it wouldn't be a surprise if his top 3 bands then were System of a Down, Linkin Park, and My Chemical Romance. ALL FAN GIRLS are shouting "KAWAII!" at this, and start fantasizing about their emo chibi.

Then, Sonic suddenly sped right in front of Tails, going past him to head deeper in the woods. Tails widened his jaw in awe, then he started chasing after Sonic, yelling "YOU CUT ME OFF, YOU BIG DICKWEED! GET BACK HERE!!!"

Sonic noticed the angry chibi chasing after him, and realized that he was about to reach a dead end at a cliff. Sonic then said "I've got to escape that chibi! It looks like the only way I'll do it is committing suicide…GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD!!!" But just before Sonic could jump off the cliff to his death, the flashback ended.

Tails woke up, and he was sprawled out on the ground in a position that looked like he was in the afterglow of sex. ALL NEARBY FAN GIRLS are whistling innocently.

Tails said "Wow…what a dream! I remember that day…AND I STILL HAVE TO GET BACK AT THAT BASTARD!!!"

Tails jumped up, saying "If I want to find him, I'll need to get another rock!" So Tails headed into the jungle, continuing the mission of rock collecting.

Meanwhile, Big had just arrived by train into the Mystic Ruins, hot on the pursuit of Froggy. He followed Froggy's scent all the way into the cave Sonic and Tails had entered earlier that day, which had led them into the Icecap.

As Big approached the edge of the entrance pool, THE PLAYER is crossing his/her fingers that Big will fall in the pool and drown. But just before Big could take that final step, a voice familiar to THE PLAYER yelled "Hey! Look!"

Big stopped in his tracks immediately, and saw the annoying guide known only as Navi in the corner of the room, flying over the Lifebelt. Big put it on to keep safe when in water, and THE PLAYER curses Navi to the end of days.

Big went across the pool of water, then started climbing up the ladder. THE PLAYER is surprised at how fast Big is climbing the ladder, saying "How can you climb that fast?" THE PLAYER then notices a heroin needle that Tails had left beneath the ladder, which Big had accidentally stepped on.

In the Icecap, Big went into the giant cave that Sonic and Tails had gone through earlier. Big immediately started doing his wrestler impression by lifting up a nearby block of ice and dropping it into a weak spot on the icy floor, causing a break that revealed some water with Froggy swimming around inside.

THE PLAYER says "ICEFISHING?! But…that's the most boring sport in existence! Screw this!", and THE PLAYER makes Big go around and explore the level.

After much traveling and many more demonstrations of how Big is a good icebreaker, Big finally ran into some speedy shoes. When he touched this item box, he suddenly became very fast and some irresistible dance party music started playing in the background.

Big zoomed through an entire underwater tunnel, and soon came across a giant dragon skeleton. THE PLAYER comments "Hmmm…that looks familiar!"

-

Meanwhile, once again in Hyrule, Link and Midna had just come out of the Arbiter's Grounds. Link said to Midna "Man…that dragon skeleton was a tough boss! I hope no one else will have to face him…"

-

Back in the Icecap, THE PLAYER says "Big…you'd better start running away right now!"

Big responded by saying "Look! There's a pretty lure under that skeleton!", and Big started swimming toward it.

While THE PLAYER covers his/her eyes, Big swam underneath the skeleton…and pulled out the lure and swam off.

THE PLAYER yells "What the hell? No killing here? No bloody massacre? That was a perfect opportunity just wasted…"

Finally, Big came back to the first pool he had opened, only to find that Froggy was not there anymore. Big said "Awww…I need my lucky charm back!"

THE PLAYER just yells out loud "What the (bleep) was the point of these past two levels? We got NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED during this time!"

Meanwhile, Tails was still exploring though the jungle for a rock. Finally, he spotted the red Chaos Emerald in front of a cave. Just as he ran up to get it, Froggy suddenly jumped out of a nearby bush.

The words "EPIC FROGGY MANEUVER" appeared below the screen as Froggy grabbed the Chaos Emerald and ran into the cave before Tails could stop him.

Tails said "Oh no! I have to save the rock!", and then ran into the cave after Froggy.

Inside the cave, Tails found a switch on top of a giant pile of sand that was blocking the way. When he pushed down on the switch, the sand immediately dissolved, making no physical sense AS USUAL.

When Tails headed through the new opening, he went into a minigame known as the Sand Hill, which made up perhaps the most ridiculous thing Tails has ever gone through in this game.

In this, Tails was on a snowboard going through a sandy, desert area. As he started this ride, he said "Which of my many things thing did I smoke to start seeing this place? Soon the gumdrop rainbows will start showing up…"

THE PLAYER comments "First: what the hell is a DESERT doing in the middle of a JUNGLE? Second: Didn't we already do a snowboarding level? What's the point of repeating the same thing again?"

Tails, while completely ignoring these comments, started yelling "WHOO-HOO! I'm surfin' some desert, man!"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes, praying that Tails won't start acting like a cowboy while in this desert.

Unfortunately, this fear was confirmed when Tails started making whip-crack noises with his mouth and singing "He rode a blazing saddle, he wore a shining star, his job to offer battle…"

While THE PLAYER is burying his/her head into his/her hands, Tails suddenly noticed some giant boulders running down, some of which came close to crushing him. Tails yelled "Who's doing that?"

Meanwhile, on top of some nearby ledges, Beavis and Butthead were playing with their dynamite again. Butthead would light a stick, throw it, and Beavis would shout "Fire!" as each boulder was blown off the ledge.

Finally, Butthead said "Uhhh…How odes this get us chicks?"

Beavis said "Heh…hehe…Blowing things up is cool!"

Butthead replied "Uhhh…oh yeah. After this, we can, like, go get some nachos or something!", and Butthead continued throwing more dynamite.

Back in the area below, Tails was still managing to get through the level with his sanity intact…at least until a giant rock snake burrowed out of the ground and flew over him. The number of physics laws broken by this is uncountable.

This freaked out Tails to the point that he immediately started injecting himself with more "happy fluids" to keep himself calm.

At the end of the Sand Hill, Tails grabbed Froggy and said "I've got you now, Mr. Scaly Thing Man! Now, I'm going to need that rock of yours-", but was immediately cut off by the dreaded voice of "Hey! Listen!"

Tails noticed Navi flying in, and said "Not you again! Are you here to rape me, man?", and Tails slowly backed away from the light.

Navi responded by saying "Watch out! Look!", and created a flash which sent Tails back in time for a meeting.

Tails soon realized that he was in the middle of an echidna tribe, and that now the frog was gone. Tails yelled "That (bleep)ing light! NOW how am I supposed to find more rocks?"

Tails soon decided to search the town for any rocks, but all he came upon was the return of the annoyance. As it continued its shouts of "Listen! Look!", Tails finally decided to try hitting the light with something…and that badge lying on the ground looked like just the thing!

Tails chucked the badge at the light, hitting it square in the…light. The light angrily shouted back "Hey! You have found the Rhythm Badge. It will let you move around constantly in circles with your tails."

Tails then picked up the badge, saying "Wait…does that mean…THAT I CAN BREAKDANCE?!!! YES!", and Tails started dancing around cheerfully when the light nodded.

Tails then said "Let's go show off my new moves to all of those posers!", so he went to the center of town.

Once there, Tails started singing the song "Dani California" while break dancing perfectly to the tune. As everyone was getting amazed at his mad skills, a certain echidna girl finally barged into the circle to talk to Tails.

Tails said "And how are you doing this afternoon?", but she just stood there thinking.

Tails then stopped break dancing for a bit, saying "What did you just ignore me for? Can't you see my awesomeness?"

Tikal replied "Oh, sorry dude! I was just totally thinking about something my grandmother taught me."

Tails then asked "WHAT?! What is this thing that your grandmom says that could be any more important than my cool skills?"

Tikal then replied "Well, I'll show you, man. In like, in the form of a flashback! A FLASHBACK, MAN!"

THE PLAYER says "Whoa there! A flashback IN a flashback? That's too crazy to think about!"

Tikal ignored this and explained to Tails what her grandmother had said.

In the flashback, Tikal's grandmother was randomly saying "Now, remember…if you don't have your meat, you can't have any pudding!"

Tikal responded "Yes, you've told me that millions of times, grandmom!"

Tikal's grandmother then said "I just don't want you to become one of those hippies I hear about. With their peace and love and happiness…BAH!"

Tikal said "I doubt I'll ever become one! Anyways, what was that one saying again?"

Tikal's grandmother replied "Oh yes. The servers are the seven Chaos, I think. I'll have to grab my pills again before I can be too sure…"

With the flashback ending, Tikal then said "She told me that the servers are the seven Chaos, man! THE SEVEN CHAOS!!!"

Tails said "That's all I'm here to learn? This sucks!"

Tikal then said "I've got some pot stored up in my room if you want, man! Let's smoke the magic flower and then totally stick it to the establishment with free love!"

Tails asked "Sex and drugs? THIS TRIP IS GREAT!" But just before Tails could start to enjoy his trip, the flashback suddenly ended.

Tails was teleported to the area in front of the waterfall, but now he was holding the frog again. Tails yelled "Damn it! I would've totally taken the chick over a rock any day…well, maybe not every day!", coddling the Chaos Emerald as he said so.

At the same time, Big the Cat was just below the hill Tails was on, and noticed Tails holding Froggy. THE PLAYER is too busy throwing up, as the camera angle makes it look like Tails is humping Froggy.

The next thing Tails heard was a gigantic earthquake as Big ran up to them and did a belly flop in front of Tails. How Tails survived the shockwave of the blast is still unknown.

Big then looked up at Froggy, saying "I'm glad I found you!" in an extremely creepy tone of voice. Tails, for the second time that day being worried that he was about to get raped, dropped Froggy by accident at this.

The screen once again showed the words "EPIC FROGGY MANEUVER" as Froggy jumped over Big's head and hopped away to freedom. If Froggy could speak, it might have said something along the lines of "(bleep) off, loser!" as it fled.

Tails then said "Sorry. If only I had held on a bit tighter…"

This immediately prompts THE PLAYER to yell "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

Big got up, saying "Not again! I have to continue stalking Froggy!", so Big the Cat ran to the train station after Froggy.

As they left, Tails pulled out the red Chaos Emerald, saying "Hehe…it's a good thing that Sonic taught me those pick-pocketing skills! Remember, kids…pick-pocketing is an excellent skill to learn for your adult life!"

Now ready to go flying, Tails decided to finish the "experiment" he had been working on this whole time. After finishing the "experiment" by making a new brand of crack cocaine, Tails got bored and decided to go flying by using his new rock to power the new plane.

The next scene showed Tails in the cockpit of his new plane, as it went through an underground runway and finally shot out of a cave behind a waterfall on the side of the cliff nearby the workshop. As Tails flew through the waterfall, THE PLAYER says "Well, this surely isn't in any way stealing from X-Men!"

At that, Tails flew off into the night sky, singing "I'm not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no…I'm a rocket maaaan…ROCKET MAN! Burning out his fuse up here alone…"

He then learned that he was not to be seen again for the next several chapters in this fic. Tails yelled "AW, COME ON!"

* * *

**Poor Tails…but that's how the plot runs in this game! And for the next chapter, Sonic faces the scariest creature he's ever encountered…AMY ROSE!**


	10. Sonic and Amy's Infinite Deathlist

**The Sonic games…we make geology look exciting!**

* * *

THE PLAYER finally summons some courage. This is the scariest thing he/she has had to do yet…play as Amy Rose. THE PLAYER selects Amy in the character list.

THE PLAYER immediately regrets this when Amy spun around and jumped up, giving the screen a shot of her panties under her dress. "AUGH! MY EYES!!!" yells THE PLAYER in a bloodcurdling scream that can be heard from miles away. Amy glared at the insult to her looks, and the game started.

In Station Square, Amy was wandering around in front of City Hall, sighing and saying "Wow, I miss stalking Sonic! It's the same old thing for me these days…stealing whatever's in plain view!"

As it turned out, she was holding a bag of groceries which she had "borrowed without permission" due to her kleptomania. She was then randomly hit by a rubber chicken which a knight was holding before the knight ran off. But that's another story.

As Amy walked onwards scratching her head, the sky above her suddenly became dark. She said "What's going on? Is this an eclipse? Am I going to develop supernatural powers from this eclipse that will cause me to fight and help other heroes, leading to most of us being killed, only to be brought back to life, only to get killed again? Will NBC survive running such a show?"

She finally looked up and realized that it was the Egg Carrier flying over the city. Amy said "Oh…well, nothing important then!"

Suddenly a bird flew down from above and crashed into Amy. As Amy got up from the ground, she said "OW! I'm kicking your ass for crashing into me!"

She grabbed the unconscious bird, saying "This poor little bird…maybe I could sell this to a pawn shop for money!" As she was grinning at her idea, a giant soda can-I mean, ZERO THE ROBOT landed behind her.

Zero then said "Oh no! It's an annoying fan girl! And just as I was on my way to bringing some stray puppies and kittens to an orphanage! Oh well…I must stop this danger to society!"

Zero charged at Amy, only for Amy to dodge out of the way in a style not seen since The Matrix. Amy then yelled "Hey! That wasn't very nice!", causing THE PLAYER to do a facepalm.

Amy then decided to run for it, going into a nearby fast-food restaurant. Zero somehow DIDN'T NOTICE THIS.

Zero went up to the front of the restaurant and peered in the window. But he couldn't find her. This was because the windows were too fogged up from the smoke coming from the nearby grease fryer. THE PLAYER declares "Fast food saves the day!"

Zero then headed off saying "Darn! I guess I'll have to just help old ladies cross the street while hoping for a later chance to kill the fan girl and make the world a better place!"

THE PLAYER comments "With this situation, I guess you can say KILL the cheerleader, save the world!", creating the second reference to the show Heroes in this chapter.

After Zero left, Amy said to the bird "You caused all of this, didn't you! Well, I'm now going to use you as a bargaining chip in the casino!" At that, Amy stormed off to the casino area with the bird in hand.

-

Meanwhile, on Station Square's beach area, a certain blue hedgehog crashed into the sand from the sky above. If the game had any sense of BASIC physics, the impact would have killed him. It didn't.

Sonic popped his head out of the ground and noticed a little girl randomly standing next to him. Sonic said "Curse that Eggman! He's getting in the way of my rock collecting! What would I ever do without more rocks?"

The girl, having no idea what he was talking about, randomly said "…Are you my daddy?", causing Sonic to run away.

When Sonic reached the train station, he noticed that it was closed. This was because of a worker's strike that pitted a bloody battle between industrialist tycoons and union workers that would make the strike-busting in the Grapes of Wrath seem soft…but that's another story.

Sonic was shocked about this news, saying "NO MORE ROCK COLLECTING? But…what can I do if I'm not collecting rocks? This doesn't make any sense!"

Kemo, who happened to be one of the guards there, said "Attention Hedgehogs! My hair will not let you through! No rocks for you!"

Sonic then pouted, and started singing "OH, I get by, with a little help, from my rocks! Mm, I get high, with a little help, from my rocks-NO WAIT, that's Tails!" Sonic then decided to drown out his sorrows in a healthy way…by gambling all his rings away at the casino.

As Sonic entered the area in front of the casino, Amy suddenly said "My bishie senses are tingling! Oh my gosh…IT'S SONIC!"

THE PLAYER is yelling at Sonic "RUN! RUN, DAMN IT!" Unfortunately, it is too late.

Amy ran up to Sonic, saying "Hey Sonikku! Long time, no see!"

Sonic turned around to face his worst nightmare, replying "AUGH! For a good reason!"

Amy glared at Sonic, then noticed the Crystal Ring "YAY! I knew that trick would work! We're engaged!"

Sonic suddenly grabbed a saw and sliced off the ring, throwing it away before Amy could notice. Sonic then said "What ring?"

As Amy cursed her failure, she then said "Guess what? I found this bird here, and I decided to name it Birdie and have you watch over it!", despite the fact that she was trying to get rid of it earlier.

Sonic's face paled upon noticing the bird's blue color, and he immediately shouted "I'M NOT DA FADDUH! I'm not da fadduh, Maury, and I know it!"

Amy said "Sonic, we're not on the Maury Show…but I was thinking that I should tag along with you to keep Birdie safe!" By 'tag along', she of course meant 'stalk to the end of days'.

Sonic yelled "No (bleep)ing way! Why would I ever take RESPONSIBILITY? Geez!", and Sonic started running away.

Amy immediately did the horrifying cry known as a fan girl sob, and THE PLAYER says "Seriously, what's the problem with you? You're the craziest character I've ever seen!"

Amy responded "Maybe it has something to do with the fifty gallons of cosmetics I apply onto my face every day?" THE PLAYER feels like backing away after hearing this.

Meanwhile, Sonic said "This is why I'm glad I can run faster!", but not even his speed could overcome his stupidity as he ran AROUND THE BLOCK back to the same spot he was at before.

Amy then took her chance by saying "Sonic, you look tired out…could I offer you a drink?" She held up a vial that was a suspicious green color, and foaming at the lid.

Sonic took the vial, saying "Remember, kids…if a person who has clearly said they want to violate you offers a suspicious-looking liquid to you, DRINK UP!" Sonic chugged the liquid, then immediately collapsed.

Amy cheered "Hooray for date rape!" before dragging the semi-conscious Sonic off.

THE PLAYER says "Wow…Amy needs to get spaid! For the good of the world!"

-

As Amy dragged Sonic past the train station, she said "I've had my basement dungeon all prepared for you!" But just before Sonic would have forever disappeared off the face of the Earth, Zero came onto the scene.

Zero said "There she is! I'm on my way back from building houses for poor people, and now I've found that evil fan girl at last!"

Amy was so shocked by the robot's appearance, she loosened her hold on Sonic by one centimeter. Sonic immediately pushed her off and ran in front of the robot, shouting "You're one of Eggman's robots, right? SHOOT ME, PLEASE! That way, she can't get to me!"

Meanwhile, THE PLAYER is shouting "You got a break! Run for it, man!"

But then Zero said "Sorry, mister. I am a helper robot of Eggman's, and he accidentally thought I was a battle robot."

Sonic then yelled "You won't kill me? Damn it!"

Suddenly, he was interrupted by the shriek of "OH…MY GOSH!!!" It was Amy, who was looking at the entrance to Twinkle Park next to them.

Amy said "Look at this, Sonic! It says cute couples get in for free…WE COULD ROB THIS PLACE OF ALL IT'S WORTH!!!"

Sonic replied "First of all: I'm not cute. Second: The last place on Earth I would want to be is in an amusement park with YOU!"

Amy then grinned and said "You'll have to go in with me…if you ever want to see your porn stash again!"

Sonic's jaw gaped, and he said "How did you find it?"

Amy said "Oh, I was just doing my normal daily routine of breaking in and searching thorough your apartment without you knowing when I found it under your bed! If you don't go into Twinkle Park with me, I'll make sure to destroy all of your porn!"

Sonic, not wanting to give up his precious porn, had no choice but to go in after her. As they went in the elevator making up the entrance, Sonic muttered "She's so weird…"

THE PLAYER comments "Really? You figured that out now?"

Meanwhile, Zero said "Oh no! That fan girl is going to rob the amusement park, causing damage to its property and reputation! I must kill this fan girl!" So Zero also went into Twinkle park after them. Amy, realizing that this robot was after them, suddenly ran off.

After a few minutes, Sonic wondered "Why has this place suddenly become quiet in the past few minutes?" He finally turned his head and realized Amy wasn't there.

Sonic shouted "OH NO! MY PORN!!!", and started running after Amy. This led him into a room with several robots driving some hovering bumper cars.

Just before killing one of the robots and taking its bumper car, Sonic said "Remember, kids…carjacking is always a fun idea!"

He drove out of the room on his new vehicle, leading him out onto a track over some ENDLESS SPACE. THE PLAYER says "This is in NO WAY ripping off Disneyworld's Space Mountain!"

While Sonic was driving through the course, he saw robots driving other bumper cars nearby. Rather than just avoid them, he chose to crash into them for blowing them up. Sonic yelled "What do you expect? I'm Japanese!" as he went kamikaze on another bumper car.

THE PLAYER just sighs and says "Can this level get any stupider?" IT DOES.

Sonic looked over the edge and said "Man, I feel nervous…but at least I know how to cure that!"

Sonic pulled out a bottle of liquor and started drinking it, saying "Remember, kids…if you ever get nervous about driving, just DRINK to calm your nerves!"

It was not a surprise when he was later found pulled over by some police on the side of the track. But the arrest initially was NOT for drunk driving…but forgetting to wear his seatbelt.

As Sonic heard these charges, he hiccupped and said "I should have the right to bash my brains out on the window if I want to!"

THE PLAYER comments "That is the thinking which has led to many Darwin Awards!"

After getting escorted out of the ride in handcuffs, he finally was let go by the police…but only after they pushed him down a hole first. At the bottom of the pit, he landed right in the seat of a rollercoaster, which conveniently launched right then.

As Sonic was screaming in the roller coaster's trip around the amusement park, he commented "This looks NOTHING like Disneyworld…and that castle in the middle definitely isn't ripping off Disney Castle!"

Meanwhile, Amy was in front of said castle, trying to get in. Unfortunately, one obstacle was in her way…the "You must be this tall to ride" sign!

Thankfully, Zero showed up right then with every intention of killing her. Just as he fired a shot at her, she jumped up on top of him, saying "HA! Now I'm tall enough to enter!" And since the doorman was too stupid to tell the difference between a pink girl and a giant green soda can, he let them in.

Meanwhile, Sonic was puking all over the ground after the rollercoaster had finished. After finally getting his strength back, he became troubled by a new obstacle in his way to Amy…the checkpoint!

He hit it to mark his time in the level, but then it swung around and hit him from behind his head. Sonic yelled "OW! Stupid thing!", before pushing it from behind his head. This only caused it to swing around again and hit him right in his "sweet spot".

After Sonic got back up from the ground, he said "Wise guy, eh? Nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck!", and Curly-I mean, Sonic finally got the courage to face his next big obstacle…THE LONG LINE OF DOOM!

Back in Dracula's Castle-I mean, Disney Castle-I mean, Twinkle Park's castle, Amy had jumped off of Zero and they were now doing what she thought was a fun game of Cops and Robbers.

As Zero kept shooting out his fist at her in the hopes of grabbing her, she just kept dodging and teasing him, while talking about the newest dresses out. Zero eventually said "This fan girl…is too random for my machine capabilities to overcome! What do I do?"

Just then, they both reached the hall of mirrors in the castle. Amy looked at one of the giant mirrors in the room and commented "Wow…this must be one of those mirrors that makes you look fat!", despite the fact that she was looking at an ordinary mirror.

While Zero still continued to try grabbing her, she eventually got bored and started doing her makeup in front of the mirror, jumping up and down occasionally to dodge Zero's hand.

THE PLAYER shouts "What kind of robot are you? YOU SUCK AT CATCHING THINGS!"

Finally, Amy knew she was done with her makeup when the mirror cracked, unable to bear sending out the light rays of her ugliness any longer. She stormed out of the castle, with the robot still behind her.

Earlier in the level, Sonic had finally made it thorough the long line of doom, and was now going through a bowling part of the level. Of course, he was the bowling ball.

As he got up after knocking down some pins, he said "This is fun! I especially love the tingling sensation that goes on in my brain when it hits an object at high speed-", and he immediately collapsed, as his brain's motor functions had temporarily shut down from all of the damage done to it.

One seizure later, Sonic reached another bowling lane, only this time it was the most difficult kind of all…Wii Bowling. Sonic grabbed the remote and tried using it, but it took him a while to figure out that he shouldn't hit himself in the head with it.

"But it gives me the same tingling sensation in my brain!" yelled Sonic in his defense, before he suddenly collapsed again and had another seizure.

Many frustrations later, he finally did something useful…by smashing the remote through the giant screen in front of him. Upon gaining this new weapon, he went through the broken screen and into a merry-go-round.

This would normally seem like an enjoyable ride…if not for the spiked balls swinging around the carousel. THE PLAYER shouts "This is an amusement park ride? Who designed this place, Stephen King?"

After finally escaping, Sonic finally reached the castle…only to also get stopped by the "You must be this tall to ride" sign. After the good burn on his height (or lack thereof), Sonic suddenly grew a few brain cells in several seconds.

He said "I wonder what would happen if I climbed up that rooftop and started jumping from roof to roof, completely ripping off The Matrix! LET'S DO IT!", and so he jumped on some conveniently placed springs to get on top of the building.

On the other side of the castle, Amy burst out of the last pair of doors and decided to use a new technique in hiding from the robot…by ducking under a barrel.

THE PLAYER says "This sounds nothing like Zelda: The Windwaker….", as Amy walked around from underneath the barrel.

Meanwhile, Zero was completely devastated. "If I can't stop that fan girl, the world is doomed!" he shouted, right before going into a temper tantrum. As Zero was busy sending angry shockwaves everywhere, Amy just crept off until she reached an escape balloon.

THE PLAYER says "You've got to be kidding me, right? We're escaping by using a balloon? WHAT ARE THE SEGA PEOPLE SMOKING?!"

Amy grabbed onto the balloon with her hand, and flew off just as Zero finally noticed her. While the robot was still going through its temper tantrum, THE PLAYER suggests "Why don't you just shoot the balloon? Though I guess Zero doesn't have the almighty shoe to pop the balloon…"

Meanwhile, Sonic was jumping from rooftop to rooftop when he suddenly looked up to see a true horror. "AUGH!" he yelled, "I CAN SEE UP AMY'S DRESS!"

Sonic then went in the fetal position and said "So…sickening…to look at!"

In fact, the entire park was now in a panic over the nightmare flying above them. Every store was closed, every ride was shut down, and everyone was attempting to evacuate.

When Amy finally flew out of there and ended the disaster, Sonic stood back up and said "I can't believe I survived…now I'm scarred for life!" At that, he continued on to the end of the level.

The level's end was inside another castle, and in it was the most feared creature in the park…a Mickey Mouse mascot. Sonic pointed at the mascot, shouting "I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

The mascot replied "Um, sir? Can you please leave the premises? You're starting to scare people here and-"

Sonic suddenly tackled the mascot, saying "I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SCARING PEOPLE!!!", and the two rats got into a fight.

Sonic grabbed a beer bottle and broke it, shoving it into Mickey Mouse's face. The mascot decided to use his ultimate weapon…pulling out a radio and calling for security.

Sonic then shouted "Your mom needs security!" before continuing the epic battle over absolutely nothing.

This fight ended surprisingly quick once Sonic lopped off the mascot's head, traumatizing about fifty kids for the rest of their lives. Sonic then shouted "The coup has succeeded! I'M the King of Disney now! Bow down to me, you insolent fools! MWAHAHA!"

At the entrance of the park, Amy angrily stormed out onto the street, saying "That stupid robot…making me lose my bishie!" Just then, Zero dropped down behind Amy and grabbed her.

Zero then said "Darn! I am out of bullets to kill you right now. Oh well, I guess I'll just take you back to Robotnik's base! It's too bad…I was planning to send food to starving children in Africa tomorrow!"

THE PLAYER says "Two things. First: WHAT TOOK SO (bleep)ING LONG? You suck at catching her through the entire level, and now you suddenly pull off an epic Zero moment? Second: Amy getting kidnapped? Imagine that…this only the fiftieth time they've done this!"

As Zero dragged off Amy, Sonic was kicked out of the entrance by security…yet again. Sonic then looked around and said "Oh shoot, I lost Amy!"

THE PLAYER responds "Are you sure you don't mean 'AW YES, I lost Amy'?"

* * *

**Getting Sonic drunk always seems to have funny results! Also, I know that Zero doesn't have a voice…but I decided to give him one because I'm making Zero a misunderstood good guy!**


	11. The Sontrix

**Oh no! Could it be…a chapter without rocks? The world will certainly end because of this! Anyways…time to see Sonic go through his most physics-defying level yet!**

* * *

Sonic headed down the street, looking for any sign of Amy. "Will I ever see my porn again?" asked Sonic to himself.

Just then, a car drove by and someone's wallet flew out. After the wallet hit Sonic in the face, he grabbed it and started taking whatever he could from it.

Meanwhile, the driver of the car pulled over and revealed himself to be the RANDOM GUY from previous chapters. Sonic ran off at the sight of him, leaving the RANDOM GUY to pout, saying "Can my insurance cover this?"

The Geico gecko appeared, but upon seeing the situation said "Um…Geico can't help you with this one!" before fleeing the scene.

Just then, a couple of guys in pirate outfits walked up to the random guy and told him about how he should've gone to , in the form of a catchy song.

Meanwhile, Sonic was pissed at not finding too many rings in the wallet. But he still found one really useful thing in there…

"AN I.D. CARD!!!" shouted Sonic triumphantly, before then saying "NOW I CAN GET ALL THE BOOZE I WANT! I feel just like that one kid in Superbad!"

He decided to head to the address on the card, thinking that it must be a nearby liquor store. When he came to the front of an office building that looked absolutely nothing like a liquor store, he then said "Remember, kids…stealing someone's I.D. to get some booze is awesome! Not to mention perfectly legal!"

Sonic went into the office building using this I.D. card. THE PLAYER is wondering how the hell Sonic was so easily let in, despite the fact that he looked absolutely nothing like the picture on the I.D. card.

As Sonic traveled through the building, he said "Hmm…I wonder what place this is?" THE PLAYER is suddenly horrified when he/she reads a nearby sign which says "4Kids Headquarters".

Ignoring THE PLAYER gestures to run, Sonic went into a board meeting where he noticed the executives of SEGA being held at gunpoint by the executives of 4Kids.

One of the 4Kids executives said "Okay, here's what we want for the Sonic series…first, make the plots more clichéd! Second…keep adding more and more and more characters! It'll DEFINITELY help the series out! Lastly-and this is important-try to make the Sonic games more serious!"

THE PLAYER is shouting "NOOOOOOOO! YOU'RE RUINING THE GAMES!!! Stop them, Sonic!"

But Sonic had already fled the premises upon hearing their evil ideas. While THE PLAYER is moping about the future of the Sonic games, Sonic went behind the building and into the next level of the game…a giant highway.

THE PLAYER comments "Hmmm…maybe you should get a CAR first before heading out on a highway?" However, Sonic just couldn't possibly use things for their actual intention. That would just make too much sense.

Soon, Sonic had broken all of the laws on speeding, trespassing on a construction zone, traffic lights, pedestrians, theft, and drug use. You don't want to know about the last one…

THE PLAYER says "Great. The next Sonic Sez is going to be about how good it is to break every law you see!"

Because of the fact that he was violating all of these laws, it was not a surprise when some police officers soon showed up on the scene. Rather than handing himself in, which would've lowered the crime rate by 50% in the city, he instead chose to attack the cops and blow up their hover cars.

After several had been blown up, Sonic finally said "Remember, kids…cop-killing is a smart idea when running away from the law! In fact, it's the part with the most fun about breaking the law!"

Sonic continued to go through some loop-de-loops and twisting roads, which causes THE PLAYER to ask "Who the (bleep) designed these roads, Pablo Picasso?"

Then, the road Sonic was on ended on the wall of a building, which he ran along the side of while saying "This sounds NOTHING like the wall-running in The Matrix!"

THE PLAYER responds "But the Matrix movies aren't out yet in this point in time!"

Sonic then said "Well, how about we just defy the physics of time as well and say that those movies were before this game?"

THE PLAYER wants to strangle Sonic.

About halfway thorough the level, Sonic commented "I haven't ruined all aspects of physics enough yet! There's got to be a real good way to do it…" Then he noticed a helicopter ahead of him.

While the pilot randomly shouted "Git on da choppa!", Sonic ran closer and closer to the landing pad.

Just before the helicopter took off, Sonic grabbed onto the bottom rail of it and said "This level has plenty in common with The Matrix! I feel like Neo!"

THE PLAYER comments "How is he hanging on there? Wouldn't he get blown off in normal Earth physics? I just hope that they don't ever use this helicopter gag again!" THE PLAYER only needs to look at the beginning of Sonic Adventure 2...

After dropping off the helicopter onto another landing pad, the rest of that section of the level was EXTREMELY EASY. Well, if you count jumping over bottomless pits with a large distance between platforms "easy".

At the end of that level's section, Sonic entered a building. On the other side of the building, he noticed a glass ledge sticking out from the wall, with a view of the whole city from it.

Sonic stood on the ledge's glass floor, saying "Yep…this glass definitely looks like it won't break! I'll just stand on here and start jumping around, landing as hard as I can on the floor each time!"

THE PLAYER does a face palm, saying "You idiot…", while Sonic predictably fell through the glass floor quickly.

As Sonic was falling down hundreds of floors, he noticed that Trinity from The Matrix was also falling next to him, having a shootout with an agent that was falling above them.

Sonic shouted "HEY! This is my time to shine! Have yourself die and get brought back by Neo on another night!", before punching away Trinity and the agent.

Sonic then landed on the wall and started running down it, prompting THE PLAYER to say "That makes perfect sense!"

After Sonic ran down the wall long enough, he ran into a lower level's glass ceiling. After this, it only got more embarrassing as he smashed right into some rafters in the building. Sonic's most commonly heard comment during this fall was "OW! OW! Not again-OW! Stupid rafters! NO, don't hit me right in the-OWWWWWWW!!!"

After that bruising fall that certainly lessened his chances of having children, Sonic finally hit the ground, becoming a pool of blood and guts that would become a huge mess to clean up…at least, if this wasn't SEGA's version of physics.

Instead, he landed PERFECTLY FINE. Sonic then headed out of the building, saying "Now all of you kids can follow my example by jumping off of buildings! It won't hurt at all!"

As Sonic headed out of the building, it was now suddenly morning. As soon as THE PLAYER realizes that this is Knuckles' boring section of the level, he/she has Sonic zoom right through to the end.

At the end of the level, Sonic was stuck trying to get up onto a ledge leading into City Hall. Finally, THE PLAYER says "I think that fountain across the street might have something to do with a way up…"

Sonic replied "No way! I have a fear of water which is completely irrational, especially from the fact that I have to drink it to survive!"

THE PLAYER then angrily takes control, forcing a screaming Sonic to jump into the fountain. As Sonic was shot up into the air, he shouted "Suck it, physics!" before landing on the ledge marking the Speed Highway's end.

After that amazing level, Sonic was standing outside of City Hall when THE PLAYER realizes something. "Wait a second…", he/she says, "What was the entire (bleep)ing point of this level? We did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to help in finding Amy!"

Sonic responded "Who's Amy?", before suddenly doing a face palm and saying "Oh no, my porn!" Sonic ran off to the other side of the city.

In the casino area, Sonic was about to give up when he suddenly noticed a shout from above. He looked up and saw Amy being dragged by Zero across the elevated train tracks above.

THE PLAYER scratches his/her head, saying "Wouldn't it be safer to just BOARD A TRAIN?" Just then, Zero and Amy were hit by a train, which started dragging them all the way to the Mystic Ruins.

Zero said "Blast! How could I have known that walking on train tracks would be dangerous?" as they were dragged off by the train.

Sonic then said "Weird…I have this strange new feeling in me…like I have an obligation to help somehow…"

THE PLAYER asks "You've never felt responsibility before? Why am I not surprised?"

After glaring at THE PLAYER, Sonic headed into the train station and went on a train going after them.

* * *

**This game is successfully becoming more and more like a clichéd action movie!**


	12. Knuckles the Archaeologist

**Now we get to follow everyone's favorite idiot, Knuckles!**

* * *

Knuckles the Echidna was wandering through the jungle, carrying a gold statue and randomly singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight-"

"SHUT UP!!!" yells THE PLAYER, who is currently in a hangover from the previous night of partying. Knuckles ran off crying after hearing this.

Earlier that day, Knuckles had decided to use the explorers' mine cart to go into the jungle part of the Mystic Ruins. Well, not so much "decided" as was "forced into the cart by the angry explorers after he ruined their water supply".

As they tied him up into the cart and shoved it into the tunnel laughing, Knuckles shouted "Well, excuuuuse me for thinking that the water tower was the latrine!"

Upon reaching the cart's destination and breaking free of his ropes, he noticed a gold statue nearby. He immediately picked it up and said "This is going straight up my nose!"

Just before he could do so, the annoyance returned. "Hey! Listen!" it shouted. Knuckles realized that it didn't want the statue up his nose, so he went into the jungle pouting.

Back to where this story was at the beginning of the chapter, Knuckles was still traveling through the jungle when he came across a giant ledge. He climbed up this ledge, and at the top found a new item.

The light immediately flew in, saying "Hey! You've found some steroids! By using these, you'll be able to use the Maximum Heat attack!"

Knuckles gave a confused look at the name of the attack, before the light said "NO! I don't mean that you'll get a period!"

Knuckles sighed with relief at this, then took the steroids and applied them. This instantly made him seem like Popeye…post-spinach. After looking at his new guns, he decided to stomp through more of the jungle.

Many hours later, THE PLAYER is shouting angrily at the console. "Why is this jungle so (bleep)ing hard to explore? I still don't know where the hell I'm supposed to go!"

Knuckles said "Maybe my new attack will help!" He started charging up, then released the energy while resisting the temptation to shout "CHAOS BLAST!!!"

He instantly razed through all of the trees in sight…and the way through still couldn't be found. While THE PLAYER is busy banging his/her head against the wall in anger, Knuckles said "Hooray! Another pretty rock!", and he held up a silver statue that looked like the gold one.

THE PLAYER immediately hears the shouts of "Hey! Look!" in the distance and shouts "RUN!!! IT'S COMING!!!"

Knuckles fled the scene, with the horrible creature's shouts of "Listen! Watch out!" trailing right behind him. Knuckles chose not to listen, and ran right into a tree.

After Navi gave Knuckles another round of endless shouting about information he didn't care about, Knuckles finally turned around a corner to find the place he had seen in the vision much, much earlier in the game.

After rejoicing, he realized that the hippie chick wasn't right there. This was due to the slight problem that THE PLACE WAS IN RUINS. Unlike what most would think, however, the cause of this was not a destructive force that nearly engulfed the entire world…but the simple result of the previous century's big echidna kegger night.

As Knuckles approached the central temple, he was confounded be a strange contraption…a stairway. After trying and failing to climb it a couple of times, he scratched his head and said "How do I use this evil thing? Do I…sit on it? Do I jump on it? What do I do?

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes and has Knuckles walk up it. Knuckles then said "Wow…I would've never thought of that!"

Knuckles went around to the back wall of the central temple and found two slots there. Upon putting the statues into those slots, the temple slid open a panel to reveal it's greatest treasure to him…a case of beer. Knuckles celebrated.

Many hours later, Knuckles had used his "gift" to its fullest potential, and was now throwing up wherever he could find a trash can…which was nowhere, considering that this place was a giant ruins.

He DID, however, have to fulfill another urge that the beer had given him. This was his urge to go to the bathroom. Upon not finding a nearby outhouse or fire hydrant, he finally turned to the only place he could think of. This was the back wall of the temple.

Upon emptying his bladder out on the wall, he said "Wow (hic)…I really (hic) drank a lot tonight…Hey, I can spell my name out on this!" By now, the temple was extremely pissed at him, so it slid open a pit underneath him that dropped him into the next level of the game.

Inside the temple, Knuckles immediately started hearing the background music for the level and shouted "PARTY TIME!"

As Knuckles started randomly dancing to the background music, he crashed into a lizard that was walking around the floor. The lizard then turned invisible.

THE PLAYER shouts "AUGH! It's one of those Stealth Sneaks from Kingdom Hearts!", despite the fact that the game wouldn't be out for another few years.

Knuckles then replied "Hmmm…I know how to deal with this!" He jumped onto the Stealth Sneak, riding it like a bull. While the Stealth Sneak was busy trying to shake him off, Knuckles then decided to use "that glowy thing" he had recently received to kill the monster.

After that epic battle, he started searching around for pieces of his favorite rock, the Master Emerald. He started by climbing on the walls of the temple, and quickly found one piece lodged in between two rows of spikes.

Knuckles approached it cautiously. Just as he successfully grabbed it, he then looked at one of the spikes and said "Ooooooh…pointy!" before touching it.

After that great fall off of the wall, THE PLAYER is still laughing at Knuckles. Knuckles glared before continuing his search. Upon finding his the next piece hidden in some wooden crates, he then decided to use his "jewelly sense" to find the last piece in the dungeon.

This sense led him up to a sand-filled room that was off the main path. Once in here, he said "I'm going to need more duct tape for putting these pieces together!"

THE PLAYER responds "Well, that's your problem! That's what you get for sleeping on the job!" After Knuckles ran off pouting, he suddenly fell through a hole in the floor…which took him back to the beginning of the area.

"Damn! Now I have to climb all the way back up there!" shouted Knuckles angrily, not noticing that he had grabbed the last piece in mid-air while falling down the hole.

One climb and slow but sudden realization later, the glowing, flying ball of doom arrived yet again to shout out its big mouth. Upon hearing the same catchphrase as usual, Knuckles tried punching the light, accusing it of stalking him.

This only angered the light, so it sent him into another vision.

This time, Knuckles found himself standing in front of a shrine. Captain Obvious took over his body right then as he said "This is very strange."

THE PLAYER comments "Really? Being teleported by an annoying magical light into a faraway land and time is strange?"

Knuckles went up to the shrine, where he saw Tikal standing in front of-

"MY PRECIOUS!" shouted Knuckles, as he sprinted towards the Master Emerald.

Tikal turned to face him, saying "Whoa…Watch it, man! I was completely zoning out to my Zen mode when you interrupted me!"

Knuckles looked at Tikal, saying "Cool! Are you a hooker sent for the party I was having in that temple back there?" While THE PLAYER does a facepalm, Tikal slapped Knuckles.

Knuckles then looked at the completed Master Emerald, and now realized that if he took this to the present with him, he wouldn't have to worry about finding all of those broken pieces of the present one anymore.

TO achieve this goal, he said "Umm…can I borrow that Master Emerald you have there for a second? Hehehe…"

Tikal responded "No way, man! This is going to make an AWESOME lava lamp for me some day!", before she continued to stare into the giant jewel.

Knuckles glared, saying "You're a noob to these Sonic games, aren't you? NOOB! I shall pwn you!"

Tikal then suddenly started talking to the Master Emerald, saying "I've got some problems to deal with. We've gotta get out of here…The Man's coming! Maybe we could all go away to one of my friends' hippie forest retreats and crash out there for a while!"

The Master Emerald responded by creating some pulses in the water. Tikal then said "Oh…I see. You can't move. That blows, man!"

Knuckles gaped his jaw, saying "You can talk to the Master Emerald?"

Tikal faced Knuckles, saying "Of course, man! I can, like, feel the VIBES coming from it and stuff…you know what I mean?"

After Knuckles shook his head, Tikal turned to the Master Emerald again, saying "Well, then I guess I'll have to stop The Man myself!" Tikal then headed down the shrine steps, and turned to face several Chao that were grouped around the front of the shrine.

While Knuckles tumbled down the steps after her, Tikal said to the Chao "Don't worry, my little friends! I'll save you!"

Knuckles looked at the Chao, then said "Wait…are those Smurfs?", just as a flash came and Knuckles was teleported into the present.

In his own time, he said "Man…this stuff is really starting to blow my mind!"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes, saying "Like that's hard to do…"

Knuckles then found that he was standing right in front of the broken Master Emerald. He said "Oh boy…I get to finally do something!" He threw the pieces he had collected so far onto the jewel, causing a flash.

When Knuckles could see again, he cheered. "Hooray! It's complete!" he shouted into the air, not noticing the HUGE-ASS GAPING HOLE still in the Master Emerald.

Knuckles surveyed over the entire Master Emerald again, including the giant hole, and said "Yep…that's definitely complete!"

THE PLAYER is busy yelling "LOOK…AT…THE…HOLE!"

Finally, Knuckles decided to look at the Emerald one last time, and his jaw gaped when he finally noticed the hole. He then said "Oh my echidna gods…the Master Emerald wants to have sex with me!"

He pounced onto the Master Emerald, and-(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)(censored)

* * *

**Trust me, this is something you do NOT want to see!**


	13. I'm on a Carrier!

**Before we get started on the actual chapter 13, I shall first show a deleted scene from Chapter 10! Remember how Amy forced Sonic onto a date? Well, this is how the date went…in the style of Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged!**

* * *

While Amy and Sonic were walking through the first section of Twinkle Park, she turned to Sonic and thought to herself, _This is so romantic! With him trying to stay away from me as far as possible, and the panicky look in his eyes! Ahhhh…I feel like singing!_

Then some music from a song from a certain Disney movie started playing in the background, as Amy started singing "There's something sweet, and almost kind…but he was mean and he was coarse and all refined…"

Sonic tried to run, but Amy grabbed him, and continued singing "But now he's dear, and so I'm sure…I wonder why I didn't see it there before!"

Sonic then swatted at Birdie, singing "This (bleep)ing bird! This date will suck! I'd rather be out collecting rocks and not giving a (bleep)! If you ask me…Amy's a whore!"

As Amy started getting angry, Sonic continued singing "But that's nothing new, she was just like that before!" It still is a miracle that he wasn't next seen as a dead corpse floating in the Twinkle Park Pool.

* * *

**Time for Chapter 13! And now we switch from searching for rocks to searching for frogs…How exciting!**

* * *

Eggman was sitting in his room on the Egg Carrier, looking around at his great invention. He said to one of his servant robots "Tell me again…what can this plane do?"

The robot replied "It does not necessarily have to be a plane. It can also float on water, allowing transport across seas."

Eggman then grinned, saying "Really? But then that means one thing…"

Eggman suddenly put on a tuxedo, went onto the deck of the Egg Carrier, and started singing "I'M ON A BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT! Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat! I'M ON A BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT! Take a good hard look at the mother(bleep)ing boat!"

One song later, Eggman went down into the interior of the ship, where he held his next meeting with his top robots. These robots included the E-103, E-104, E-105, E-Pi, E-Square root of 17, E-Eleventeen, and of course E-102 Gamma.

Gamma had been busy chucking grenades back and forth at his new "friend" Beta, but stopped when Eggman threatened them both with the end of his shoe. Beta walked off snickering, while Gamma swore vengeance.

Eggman cleared his throat, then said "My newest mission for all of you is truly a fatal one, which will probably result in many casualties. You all need to…find a frog with a tail."

Eggman then put up a picture of Froggy on a hologram, saying "Look at it…this is SEGA's newest attempt to screw over science! They've already destroyed every concept of physics imaginable, and now they've moved on to biology!"

E-Pi then interrupted, mentioning "How do we know this isn't a doctored photo. Someone could have used Photoshop to make this up."

Eggman gasped, saying "What?! Since when has photo ever been fake? OFF WITH YOUR HEAD-I mean, circuit board!" Eggman pressed a button, and E-Pi dropped down a trapdoor with flames springing up out of it.

Eggman then put on a Donald Trump wig, then said in a New York accent "This is your newest assignment. Capture this frog, and bring it back here. Whoever wins will become…The Apprentice!"

Eggman then cued in the theme song from The Apprentice, while THE PLAYER just looks away, saying "You've got to be kidding me."

-

Much later, in the city of Station Square, Big was searching for that very frog. He went out of the train station, and noticed Froggy in the middle of the street. As Big shouted for him, Froggy, turned away and started crossing the street into a hotel…when he was suddenly run over by a car.

Just as Big went down in tears, Froggy hopped back up and went into the hotel. THE PLAYER does a face palm, saying "I forgot…this is SEGA physics in this game!"

Big went through the hotel after Froggy, eventually winding up on the beach that Sonic was on much earlier in the game. THE PLAYER says "Wait…if this place has water, does that mean we have to-?" Big answered the question by holding up a fishing rod and nodding.

THE PLAYER shrieks, saying "Why does this stupid frog keep going into water? Damn natural habitats…"

Meanwhile, Gamma had just arrived at the city. He looked around, put on some sunglasses, and said in an Austrian accent "Time to terminate-I mean, capture this frog." Following his instructions, Gamma decided to explore the nearby hotel, and soon arrived at the pool area.

On the other side of the pool was the entrance to the beach, so Gamma flew over the pool using his helicopter transformation. THE PLAYER immediately shouts "Tails will sue!"

At the beach entrance, Gamma was blocked by a tough obstacle…a small fence across the entrance. The lifeguard by the fence asked "What is your name?"

Gamma replied "Gamma. E-102 Gamma." THE PLAYER has to use self-control to stop from shouting at Gamma for using the James Bond cliché.

The lifeguard looked at Gamma and said "Hmm…well, since you're a robot, you can't survive in water! I'm not letting you in."

Gamma turned toward the fence, saying "Then I shall have to use force." At that, Gamma blew open the fence and walked through.

THE PLAYER is shocked. He/she comments "Breaking and entering…the most fiendish crime of all!"

Gamma walked along the beach, laughing. Unfortunately, Gamma sucked at doing an evil laugh, so it sounded like "Ha…ha…ha…ha." THE PLAYER cannot say enough about how Gamma sucks as a minion.

Gamma, getting angry at this reaction, decided to go into his Go-Kart mode and start shooting everything in sight. This only prompts THE PLAYER to sing the Transformers song.

After Gamma had blown up enough on the beach to make it look like the Planet of the Apes, he drove off to find that fearsome reptile known only as Froggy. The lifeguard arrived at the scene of destruction just as Gamma left, and commented "Wow…we have some really rowdy tourists this season!"

At the same time, Big had finally, once and for all, defying all expectations and predictions, caught Froggy. As he held up Froggy in triumph, THE PLAYER sniffs, saying "Is it over? Do I finally no longer have to deal with this (bleep)? VICTORY!"

But of course, Gamma couldn't let THE PLAYER be happy. That would be a grave offense to do before the climax of the game's plot came around. Gamma arrived at the scene and looked at Big holding Froggy.

Gamma then randomly put on a suit and sunglasses, saying "Mr. Anderson-I mean, Mr. Froggy. We missed you."

As Big was still distracted with looking at Froggy, Gamma charged at Big. The words "EPIC GAMMA MANEUVER" appeared at the bottom of the screen as Gamma grabbed Froggy out of Big's hands, shouting "Rejected." as he flew off with Froggy.

THE PLAYER blinks, saying "Whoa…Gamma would make a great sports player!"

Big looked down at his hands, then said "Uhhhh…where's Froggy?" He then turned around and saw Gamma flying off with Froggy in hand.

As Big started doing some pointless shouting at Gamma to bring back Froggy, a certain light that looked very tempting to hit with a tennis racket flew by Gamma.

As Gamma said "Why is this thing constantly shouting. What video game designer would make this thin.", the light suddenly created a flash and sent Gamma into the past.

In this vision, Gamma was in front of a bridge with a shrine across it. Gamma commented "Must determine location…location unknown. Stupid GPS…not working."

THE PLAYER shrugs, saying "I get that all the time with my GPS!"

Gamma then was infused with Captain Obvious when he said the statement "This presents a problem."

THE PLAYER asks "When has getting lost ever presented a problem?" Gamma ignored the comment and crossed the bridge to stand in front of the shrine. Little did he know of the horror that he would face there…a pack of Chao singing.

The Chao started off by singing horribly, and it only got worse as more of them joined in the singing. The nearby Master Emerald created pulses in the water, begging for the Chao to make the agony stop. But they just kept singing.

Just as Gamma approached them with the intention of blowing up each of those annoyances, someone yelled "Stop right there, man!"

It was everyone's favorite hippie, Tikal. She walked up to Gamma and asked "You're not one of them, are you?"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes and says "Yeah, as Gamma really looks like an echidna…"

Tikal then decided to randomly explain everything. "You won't believe this, man! So these things are the Chao, right? And they're protected by, like, this jewel! I'M SERIOUS, MAN!"

Gamma inquired "How does the jewel do so."

Tikal grinned, then said "There's some creature thing that lives in the water here. It's supposed to, like, guard the Chao and Master Emerald. The first time I saw it, I thought I was getting some freaky vision from taking way too much LSD! Actually, I probably was, but that's not the point, man!"

Gamma looked around, but couldn't find the creature Tikal was talking about.

Tikal commented "You won't be able to see it unless the Master Emerald calls on it. Apparently this creature can become totally super-powerful and destroy the world into complete ruins if it wanted to…so it's OBVIOUSLY a gentle and loving creature!"

Gamma slowly backed away, now wanting to get as far away from this place as possible. He was saved by the vision ending.

-

In the Mystic Ruins, Knuckles was still on top of the Master Emerald. The Master Emerald had been trying to display an image of the Egg Carrier to him, which was where the final three pieces could be found, but Knuckles was too "busy" to notice.

By now, the Master Emerald was extremely pissed, so it gave him an electric shock to send him flying off it. Knuckles then responded by saying "Playing hard to get, huh? Well, two can play at that game! Hmph!" Knuckles then crossed his arms and looked away from the Master Emerald.

One second later, he was kneeling in front of the Master Emerald, saying "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…" until he FINALLY noticed the image of the Egg Carrier displayed inside the Master Emerald.

At this point, the stars perfectly aligned with the sun and moon, alongside the tides and tectonic plates below the Earth's surface, causing Knuckles to realize something. "Something's wrong with the way the Master Emerald looks!" he said in his bold statement of intelligence.

Knuckles then noticed the Egg Carrier hologram inside the Master Emerald, and said "Ooooh! A miniature toy Egg Carrier! I want it!"

Just as Knuckles was about to punch through the Master Emerald for the "toy", which would've caused the Master Emerald to break and force Knuckles to start the quest all over again, Knuckles heard a crash nearby.

He looked over on the other side of the bridge connecting the Master Emerald to the rest of the Mystic Ruins, and saw Gamma walking by with Froggy in hand.

Knuckles grinned, saying "Who needs a toy Egg Carrier when I can steal the real one? I'll just follow this robot back to Eggman's base, and from there sneak onto his ship! Tee hee hee…"

So Knuckles decided to stalk Gamma to find Eggman's secret base. This was despite the fact that along the way, Knuckles passed about 150 signs in the shape of giant arrows saying "EGGMAN'S SUPER ULTRA SECRET BASE-THIS WAY" on them.

Knuckles' pursuit of Gamma led him back into the jungle, where skylights from the base were shining up into the sky, basically saying "EGGMAN'S SECRET BASE IS RIGHT HERE!!!" This fic is not kidding.

Knuckles looked around and said "Hmmm…I wonder where Eggman's secret base is?" He decided to continue stalking Gamma in the hopes of finding this obviously well-hidden base.

Along the way there, Knuckles ran into someone else who was stalking Gamma…Big the Cat. Big looked at Froggy in Gamma's hands, then said "Uhhh…I just realized something! This sucks!"

Suddenly, Beavis' voice rang out from a far distance away, saying "HEY! That joke was, like, from our movie, buttmunch! Hehe…nachos rule!"

Big then looked on the ground and picked up a moldy old vine. He held it up happily, saying "Hey…I've got a new lure upgrade!"

THE PLAYER says "Ewww…remind me not to EVER fish in this game again!"

Knuckles then said "Are you following that robot, too? Well, guess what…I'm going to be the stalker around here!"

Big replied "Nuh-uh! I want to stalk him and get Froggy back!"

Knuckles yelled "Oh really? We'll see about that!", and ran off after Gamma.

Meanwhile, Gamma was just strolling through the jungle, carrying Froggy and whistling in whatever way robots can whistle. He then commented "I had better follow instructions by checking to see that I am not followed."

Gamma looked around and saw Knuckles and Big both arguing with each other over who should stalk Gamma in plain view of Gamma. The E-102 Gamma then processed this in its mind, and said "It definitely looks like no one is stalking me." before continuing on to the base.

Once at Eggman's super ultra secret base, Gamma went inside with Knuckles hiding behind a nearby tree. Knuckles then said "Well, I guess it's time for me to make a house call…"

Knuckles then went up to the front door…and rang the doorbell. THE PLAYER is immediately shouting "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Knuckles responded "What's the problem? Isn't it polite to ring the doorbell before entering? Especially during a house call?"

While THE PLAYER does a facepalm, Eggman's "welcoming committee" of guard robots started shooting at Knuckles. Knuckles shouted "Hey! That's not polite!" after the 50th bullet narrowly missed his head.

THE PLAYER then takes control and has Knuckles hide. While the guards were busy searching for Knuckles, Big snuck in easily.

As Knuckles saw this happen, he developed an anger that boiled into his-"ROID RAGE!!!" he shouted as he charged through all of the guard robots, killing them all and entering the base.

Meanwhile, in the Egg Carrier's interior, Gamma was in a line with all of the other E-series robots besides Beta, who was not present due to the fact that he was a lazy ass.

All of the other robots were holding what initially looked like frogs, but turned out to just be plushies. Eggman's reaction to this was pretty obvious.

"Plushies, plushies, and more plushies! AUGH!" he shouted before throwing his Donald Trump wig to the ground angrily.

Then Eggman walked over to Gamma and noticed Froggy in his hands. Eggman gasped, saying "Ah…here's what I was looking for! Good job, Gamma!" Gamma then shook with happiness, though to THE PLAYER it just looks like a seizure.

Eggman held up Froggy, declaring "I've got it…this frog which may or may not be a Deus Ex Machina!"

Eggman then went up to his podium and looked at the other robots, saying "As to the rest of you…DIE!!! I know that I could potentially use all of you to defend this ship if it ever came under attack by, say, Sonic and Tails…but what's the chance of THAT ever happening?"

Egmgan hit a button, and a beam appeared over all of the other robots in the line besides Gamma. This was because all of the other robots just happened to be conveniently standing on a teleportation pad right then.

E-Eleventeen then asked "How is teleporting us away going to kill us. Would it not make more sense if you just dropped us all into that fiery pit like you did to E-Pi."

Eggman replied "A fiesty one, huh? I know how to take care of you!" Eggman then pressed another button, and E-Eleventeen instantly exploded.

This prompted E-Square root of 17 to say "If you could just blow us up, why did you bother to build that fiery pit below. It would have saved more on costs to just not build it, and-". Those were the last words of the E-Square root of 17 before it was also blown up.

Eggman then shrieked "Any more questions?"

When no one responded, he said "Good!" before teleporting away all of the remaining robots in the line besides Gamma. As E-103 was being teleported away, it gave a final, sad and longing look to Gamma…and then gave him the middle finger as it was teleported away.

* * *

**Just a side note…the idea for that E-(weird number) joke came to me right on the spot as I was typing this!**

**Update: (bangs head on keyboard) Damn it! LittleKuriboh posted a "I'm on a Boat" parody before I could post this chapter! I really thought that was going to be an original idea...Curses! Oh well...**


	14. The Flying Deuces

**Wait a second…did Sonic actually have anything going on while everyone else was on the Egg Carrier? Hmmm…let's see here…could the main character possibly have any significance to the plot? I'm starting to think not-OH WAIT, HE DOES! Without Sonic around, who can collect all of our rocks?**

* * *

Eggman was standing on the front of the Egg Carrier, looking out at the clouds passing the ship by. The Egg Carrier had just taken off, so he started singing "Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a faithful trip! That started on this tropic port, aboard this mighty ship!"

He was then interrupted by Gamma, who approached Eggman and reported "Master Eggman. We will be picking up Zero shortly."

Eggman grinned and said "Excellent. Once I get all seven Chaos Emeralds and take over Station Square, I'll finally get my revenge on those bullies from a long time ago!" He then had a flashback of his first day at school.

The teacher said "Okay, class. This here is Ivo Robotnik, and he'll be our new student here for the year. He's a genius who knows a lot about computers and technology. Therefore, I know you all will beat him up the second I'm not looking. Just try to keep the punches light, okay?"

Eggman then said "Hello, everyone. I am the great Ivo Robotnik, and I am definitely smarter than you. My intelligence will override yours, and I shall make robots work for me, and hopefully rule a whole city some day-"

He was then interrupted by a random kid who yelled "Go back to Italy!", and everyone else started laughing.

Eggman angrily yelled "I'm Russian!", then promptly ran out of the room crying.

Back in the present, Eggman said "I'll never forget that useless childhood memory…"

Meanwhile, the camera started showing the whole Egg Carrier as it started flying by the screen. First, there passed by a frontal cannon, followed by a backup frontal cannon, then a missile launcher, then a plane hangar, then another missile launcher, then another plane hangar. Then the camera then continued down the Egg Carrier's length with the planning office, the battle office, the coffee room, the second battle office, the second planning room, and two more coffee rooms. Then the next missile launcher, along with another coffee room, and then a gear storage. After this, there was an armory, followed by the next plane hangar, then another gear storage. After that, another battle office passed by the screen, followed by another planning office, and a second armory. The ship continued to pass by the camera with a third gear storage, leading another missile launcher and-

THE PLAYER shouts "STOP IT! I already figured out this reference to the beginning scene of Spaceballs five minutes ago!"

Ending that description, the story went back to Sonic and Amy.

At the Mystic Ruins train station, Zero was dragging Amy out and taking her towards the nearby mountains. Amy shouted "If you don't let me go this instant, you're going to suffer!" During this time, the camera got yet another panty shot of Amy.

THE PLAYER asks "Has SEGA done a background check on the camera guy? I'm guessing not…"

Normally, one would think that the nearby security guards might be A LITTLE suspicious about a robot dragging off a screaming girl…oh wait, that strike was still going on.

Class warfare aside, Amy yelled at Zero to let her down, which was absolutely pointless due to the fact that he had not done so already. Zero instead just said "Once I'm finished getting rid of this fan girl, I can help out with the nearby marathon for the cure of AIDS!" Then Sonic arrived at the scene.

Sonic jumped off of the train station's platform, landing right next to Zero. He then said "While I could just attack you right now, thereby ending this whole dilemma…I'm instead going to go on a long, rambling speech about how I rock and you suck, therefore allowing an escape opportunity to come to you!"

While THE PLAYER wishes to crush Sonic with his/her bare hands right then., Sonic started by saying "You're just a giant bucket of bolts. And you look weird. No, seriously! You look like a (bleep)ing giant can of Mountain Dew! I could almost drink you and get a sugar high right now! In fact, I rock so much in comparison that I will-"

During this time, the Egg Carrier had already flown over and started beaming up Zero. Sonic said "Oh no! What do I do?"

THE PLAYER shouts "HE'S…STILL…STANDING…IN…FRONT…OF…YOU!!! Go after them!"

Sonic ignored this, instead just watching as Zero and Amy still took forever to be beamed up by the Egg Carrier. When they finally were taken in, the Egg Carrier immediately flew off towards the nearby mountains. The words EPIC FAIL appeared on the bottom of the screen.

Sonic then wondered "Maybe I should have jumped into the beam after them?", causing THE PLAYER to do a facepalm. Sonic then decided to go into the mountains after them, leading him eventually to the area near the Master Emerald shrine.

In this place, that (bleep)ing light which won't leave our characters alone flew around Sonic, pointing out a nearby weapon. Sonic grabbed the weapon, allowing him to use the Light Speed attack.

Sonic went over to the reinstated monkey guard in front of Red Mountain, and said "Hmmm…an attack that uses light to blow up an enemy? I don't think I've ever heard of this before!"

Sonic then charged up and shouted "KAME…HAME…HA!!!", and destroyed the monkey with his new, completely original Light Speed Attack.

After killing the innocent monkey to open the gateway, some people from PETA immediately charged at Sonic, trying to beat the crap out of him. Sonic ran into the level, shouting "What's the problem with impulsively destroying little animals?"

In Red Mountain, Sonic reached the edge of a ledge, and found that the only way to cross it was…to use a set of monkey bars dangling over the cliff.

Sonic shivered, saying "Those bring back some bad memories of the playground bullies…Oh wait, I was the playground bully!" Sonic instantly climbed across.

At the other end, he went in front of a giant skull sticking out of the ground, which kept opening and closing. Sonic shouted "Cool! A Pez dispenser! Where's my candy, bitch?" He was then greeted by a torrent of flames that shot out of the skull's mouth.

One roasted hedgehog later, THE PLAYER sighs and comments "This is going to be a long level…"

After tons of going through the same old stuff that Knuckles encountered before, Sonic finally found a new place…a hole leading inside the mountain. Sonic then said "This looks easy! It's not like there's going to be a giant, lava-filled dungeon down here or something!" When he jumped down into there, he found out that it was.

THE PLAYER comments "What's this weird music for this area? It sounds like what you'd hear at an all-night coke orgy!"

Sonic, upon hearing this, shouted "SWEET! Time for me to join this-", and stopped right in front of a lava pit before saying "-lava orgy?"

THE PLAYER slowly backs away from the console, saying "Sonic is now officially the creepiest video game character I've ever played!"

Later in the level, Sonic ran across a prison cell, where he noticed some very strange robots inside. Sonic then inquired "What? Are those robots…dancing inside that cell?"

THE PLAYER says "I think they are…this is perhaps simultaneously the weirdest and only original idea ever made by SEGA!" The level only got creepier from there.

Sonic was jumping across some platforms when he noticed some upside down crosses sticking out of the ground. He then said "WHOA! When did we start appealing to goth kids? Liek, theez crowssez ar maeking me feeyl awl goth now!"

Sonic then started heading over to a corner to cut himself, only to be stopped by THE PLAYER in time. He/she says "Don't kill yourself yet! Wait until a later time, when we find a funny way for you to do so!"

After hearing that encouraging message, Sonic replied "R U a prepz?", and THE PLAYER sends Sonic into a lava pit.

Many lost lives later, Sonic eventually somehow reached the end of the level, where he was shot out of the cave and right onto a ledge with the Egg Carrier in view.

Just as THE PLAYER is starting to question the whole purpose of this level from the fact that Sonic STILL CAN'T REACH THE EGG CARRIER, Tails suddenly flew in from around the cliff's edge.

Tails looked at Sonic, then said "There's that one guy…what's his name…oh yeah, I still have to kick his ass for cutting me off many years ago!" Tails immediately greeted his best friend with a hail of bullets.

Sonic dodged them, and jumped onto the Tornado as it flew in close enough to the ledge. He instantly pulled out a knife and held it at Tails' throat, saying "Now listen up…I could kill you right now for your stupidity earlier, but I need to get to my porn! So let's go after that ship!"

Tails gulped and said "Alright, Mr. Dragon Man! Just please don't hurt me!"

Sonic then asked "Just one question…WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME?! I wouldn't have had to go through that whole level if you had shown up earlier!"

Tails said "I was in the land of colored lights, rainbows, and purple flowers!"

Sonic did a facepalm, and replied "That's where you always are!"

Tails then said "Well, yeah man! Like, I've been traveling pretty far!"

Sonic then moaned, before pointing to the Egg Carrier and shouting "Look…it's the dragon!"

Tails shouted "WHAT?! THAT BASTARD IS BACK?! I'll show him!"

Sonic grinned, stating "Sweet! Are you ready to roll?"

Tails immediately started dancing in the cockpit, causing Sonic to shout "I didn't mean a rickroll!"

Tails stopped, saying "Oh…sorry, man! Well, let's go then! Squadillah!" Tails flew up in the air as he said this, causing a certain horrible stereotype of a Zelda: Cd-i character to give Tails the finger.

Tails soon said "Welcome to Tails Airlines! Remember, we're not happy until you're not!"

Sonic asked "I'm hungry! Do you have any peanuts on board?"

Tails replied "Nope. That's what you get for choosing our horrible service!"

Sonic yelled "DAMN IT!!!"

As they flew up to the Egg Carrier, enemy planes started flying out and shooting at them. Just at that moment, Leslie Nielson randomly appeared on the back of the Tornado, saying "Good luck…we're all counting on you!" before disappearing.

Tails then charged into the enemy air force, singing "Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more! The Bloody Red Baron was rollin' up the score! Over eighty men died tryin' to end that spree, of the Bloody Red Baron of Germany!""

As the battle raged, Eggman was inside the Egg Carrier, helping out his army in the best way he could…by stuffing his face with food. Eggman shouted "I'm going to need some cheeseburgers…and pizza…and French fires…and ice cream…and donuts…", and the list continued.

Back on the outside, Tails was still singing "…Snoopy fired once, and he fired twice, and that Bloody Red Baron went spinning out of sight!"

Sonic yelled "STOP SINGING AND START SHOOTING!"

Tails said "Oops…sorry, man! I'll get on it!" And the fight continued, until Tails finally reached the front of the Egg Carrier.

Eggman then looked out his window and said "Man, I chose a bad time to quit drinking!" before chugging a bottle of vodka.

At the front of the Egg Carrier, Sonic said to Tails "I hope you know what you're doing!"

THE PLAYER responds "Nope, he doesn't!"

Tails then shouted "Watch this!", and grabbed Sonic with a giant claw so that he could change the plane's form.

Sonic immediately started shouting "HELP! RAPE! RAPE!" before realizing that the plane was transforming. One facepalm later, Sonic was put down on the newly formed plane, and the Tornado sped off toward the Egg Carrier.

As the battle still progressed, Tails had his plane go behind the Egg Carrier, flying through the burning fuel being fired out of the back while doing so. Upon going through the jets of fire without burning up, THE PLAYER has given up all hope of SEGA ever listening to common sense in their games.

Meanwhile, Eggman was still in his main office, looking out at the battle. He said "Man, I chose a bad time to quit smoking!", and proceeded to light up a cigarette.

Back where the action was actually going on, Tails flew the Tornado underneath the Egg Carrier before finally winding up in front of it again. Sonic shouted "WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT TRIP? We just ended up in the same spot!"

Tails then replied "I just wanted to show off my cool new stuff, man!"

While Sonic resisted the urge to choke Tails, Eggman then suddenly remembered the way he had defeated them the previous time. Eggman pressed a button, causing the front of the ship to open up.

While the HUGE-ASS LASER™ started charging, Tails saw what was coming and flew out of the way just in time. When the cannon finished charging, a wide-eyed face suddenly appeared on the end of its barrel, shouting "IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZER!!!"

Tails had been on the Internet before, and knew that the only way to dodge it was to do a barrel roll. As he was doing so, Leslie Nielson randomly appeared on the back of the plane again. Despite the fact that they were spinning around upside down, he still managed to say "Good luck…we're all counting on you!" before disappearing again.

After dodging the attack, Tails started speaking in leet. When Sonic asked "What the (bleep) are you doing?", Tails whispered to Sonic his plan.

Tails said "Like, this laser cannon is totally into me! I think I can get it to work with us!"

Sonic then replied "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!"

Tails grinned and said "Well, how else are we going to stop it? What, are you saying that there's going to be some giant gaping hole that we can just shoot into and blow the cannon up like the Death Star? Yeah right!" As it turned out, that was exactly what they had to do.

After defeating the cannon, Tails started sniffing and saying "I'm sorry, my love…but this is goodbye!"

In the main office, Eggman was shocked by what he had just witnessed. He said "Man, I chose a bad time to quit cocaine!", right before he started snorting a certain suspicious-looking powder.

Back on the outside, Tails flew up to the Egg Carrier's main airplane hangar, shouting "Coming in tight!"

After THE PLAYER's response of "That what she said!", Tails flew the plane down to the ground. This would've been perfectly fine except the small problem that he COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT LANDING GEAR IS MEANT FOR LANDING PLANES.

After Tails whispered to Sonic about this problem, Sonic shouted "What do you mean, no landing gear in this mode? Why not just change the mode before landing-AHHHH!"

The plane crashed on the runway, leaving the Tornado to be crumpled mess. As Sonic and Tails jumped out of the plane after the crash landing, Tails looked back at the ruined plane and said "Just a simple mistake!"

Meanwhile, Leslie Nielson appeared on the plane one last time, saying "Good luck…we're all counting on you!" before heading off for good.

Sonic turned to Tails, saying "Let's go over your flying record for a second here. At the beginning of this game, you tried to fly the Tornado with a Chaos Emerald…and crashed. In the middle of the game, you tried to fly the Tornado up to the Egg Carrier…and crashed. And now, you flew to the Tornado up to the Egg Carrier…and crashed."

Tails looked with a blank expression on his face, saying "And what's your point, man?"

Sonic shouted "WHO THE (bleep) WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU A PILOT'S LICENSE?! If Homer Simpson was blindfolded with his hands tied behind his back, he would still fly a plane better than you!"

After Tails started pouting, Sonic finally calmed down and said "Well, here we gooooooo!"

THE PLAYER responds by saying "Shut uuuuup with the stupid clichés!"

* * *

**The next three chapters shall be known as…Rocks on a Plane! And as you can tell from some of the references in this chapter, the movie Airplane! is one of my favorites of all time!**


	15. Sonic in the Sky with Rocks

**Here we go…now the epic three-part climax of the plot begins!**

* * *

Sonic and Tails ran up to the Egg Carrier's central platform, only to be stopped when Eggman made an announcement over the carrier's loudspeakers. He laughed at Sonic and Tails, saying "I can't wait to show you what new tricks I've developed on my Egg Carrier! Get a load of this!" before pushing a button.

THE PLAYER asks "Are you serious? Your catchphrase for this game is 'Get a load of this!'?! That's worse than 'Believe it!' on Naruto!"

Eggman replied "That's not my only catchphrase for this game! I also have 'I can't believe this!'"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes, commenting "Great. Another crappy catchphrase for the main villain."

Meanwhile, the Egg Carrier started changing shape. While the sides of the ship tucked in, causing it to lengthen, Sonic closed his eyes and immediately started saying "Get those dirty thoughts out of your mind…get those dirty thoughts out of your mind…his ship is not a (bleep), and that changing shape is not a hidden subtext for an erectio-"

"WHOA!" shouted Tails. "Keep the rating down on this game, man!"

In its new shape, the Egg Carrier's main office was too far away for Sonic and Tails to reach from walking over the top of the ship. Instead, there was now a level leading inside the ship that they would have to go through.

Tails said "Wow! It changed shape!"

Sonic glared at Tails, then looked up and said "This is going to make it harder to get to Eggman!", causing Tails to glare at Sonic.

THE PLAYER declares "Captain Obvious dominates over this ship!"

Eggman laughed with joy, saying "I bet you can't figure this one out! I dare you to try!"

Tails responded by saying "Well, I double dare you to get your fat ass over here instead!"

Eggman then shouted "Then I triple dare you to come over here!"

Tails shouted "Quadruple!"

Eggman shouted "Double-decker!"

"Triple-decker!"

"Quadruple-decker!"

"Infinite-decker!"

Eggman sighed, then said "Infinite…quadruple…decker!"

Tails yelled "NOOOOO! Damn it! Nothing can beat that!"

Sonic finally decided to do something he should've done a long time ago (and debatably did during a certain horrible movie) by giving Eggman the finger. He then said "Well, I guess that means we'll have to go through this level…the Sky Deck!"

On the other side of the ship, Knuckles ran out into the area between the main office and the pool room. Knuckles looked at the main office, saying "There's where I can steal this ship from Eggman and take it for my own! Then we shall see who's so easily tricked!"

THE PLAYER responds "Don't worry, it's still you."

Just as Knuckles walked forward, the ship started changing shape due to the aforementioned events. After the transformation, Knuckles said "Wow! That was scary! Man…that makes me have to go to the bathroom!", indicating the puddle now lying at his feet.

As THE PLAYER throws up, Knuckles went into the nearest building on his epic quest for the bathroom, which was the pool room.

Upon entering, Knuckles shouted "Sweet! Eggman's made a pool here!" right before he dove in…and hit his head on the concrete bottom.

THE PLAYER says "He only hit his head…so no damage done!"

As Knuckles got up, he yelled "Why is the pool empty? I'm going to complain to the pool manager about this!" He then stormed through a nearby door in the bottom of the pool, which was now open due to the Egg Carrier's changed shape.

Back in the ship's front, Sonic and Tails had just entered the Sky Deck. The level started with them being shot out of a cannon onto a nearby floating pillar. This being SEGA physics, they somehow survived the ordeal.

Sonic then decided to do a ninja stealth slide around the floating pillar, humming the "Mission Impossible" theme along the way.

THE PLAYER does a facepalm, saying "Can this level get any stupider?" Unfortunately, it does.

Soon, Sonic and Tails reached some monkey bars which they had to cross. However, when Sonic tried climbing across them, they broke.

While THE PLAYER is laughing his/her ass off, Sonic shouted "What?! Why did this break?"

Tails commented "You must be getting a little fat, man. You know, from turning 3-D!"

Sonic then said "Damn it! I hate all of this gained weight! But at least we can get the satisfaction in knowing that this series couldn't possibly come out with any crappy 3-D game!", showing how horrible he is at telling the future.

Later in the level, they came across a giant cannon. Tails immediately started speaking in leet, only for Sonic to punch him in the mouth. The cannon responded by shooting at Sonic.

While Sonic was busy jumping from walkway to walkway for his life, Tails just flew over to a nearby missile launch pad and aimed it at the cannon. Right before he fired, he shouted "Smile, you son of bitch!" and the cannon blew up.

This event somehow caused Sonic and Tails to end up landing in the next portion of the level. In this, their biggest challenge would be some wind currents that blew in, which could potentially send them flying off the stage.

THE PLAYER immediately shouts "Oh, NOW the physics of wind suddenly starts working properly! It wasn't working on the top of the ship, or during the plane battles, or even during the Windy Valley level. No, SEGA just had to wait until RIGHT NOW to try and follow any laws of physics!"

But SEGA still showed how the laws of physics could be broken in this level by having Sonic and Tails COMPLETELY AVOID the wind currents by simply jumping, despite the fact that jumping would actually make one more susceptible to the wind currents normally.

After passing through that ridiculous section, Sonic and Tails watched it blow up behind them, conveniently just as they had left the area. They then came upon another ridiculous section…a runway with enemy planes rising up from it.

Sonic said "We're teaching great morals to our kid viewers this time…that they can just run through the middle of an airport runway and be PERFECTLY FINE!" before doing said act.

After blowing up yet another giant cannon, Sonic and Tails landed in the final section of the Sky Deck. At the same time, in the back end of this section, Knuckles charged through a door and said "What the (bleep) am I doing here? Is this the bathroom?"

He then noticed a lever sticking out of the ground and said "Ooooooh! Must…impulsively…push and pull…lever!"

He grabbed onto the lever, and a siren immediately began wailing. Knuckles shouted "Cool! Now let's see what happens when I push the lever to the side-WAUGH!", and the lever caused the whole section of the level immediately tilted to the side.

Knuckles held on to the lever for dear life, saying "Hey! What jerk decided to tilt the whole section on me right when I pushed this lever?"

On the other side of the section, Sonic and Tails were instantly swept off their feet, and grabbed onto a platform just as the area tilted. They climbed to the top by using a ladder, and soon reached an apparent dead end.

Sonic turned to Tails and said "What do we do now-AH!", and a rotating hook got him in his nose and pulled him screaming onto the next ledge in the section.

While THE PLAYER says "Hook, line, and sinker!", Tails just flew over to the ledge.

Once there, Sonic noticed a nearby Invincibility item. He took it, and some random rock music immediately started playing in the background. Sonic shouted "NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW!!!" and ran right out into the middle of the area.

Meanwhile, Knuckles finally climbed up the lever and pushed it the other way, causing the whole section to tilt the other way. This meant that Sonic was instantly run over by a moving platform as he ran out in the middle of the area.

As Sonic got up and shouted "I'm okay!", Knuckles hit the lever over to the first side. This caused the platform to run over Sonic again.

As the two idiots finally got through that section, Knuckles wondered "What will happen if I put the lever in a third direction?" This caused the whole place to tilt backwards for Sonic and Tails, so they grabbed onto some nearby monkey bars to prevent from falling.

Knuckles, however, was hanging off of his ledge by one hand, shouting "I surrender!" to the lever. Being an inanimate object, the lever did not respond.

After climbing their way out of the area, Sonic and Tails finally hit a nearby switch, causing the area to become normal again. They went down a ramp, and reached the end of the level, which was surrounded by iron bars.

THE PLAYER makes a song reference by saying "Despite all his rage, he's still just a rat in a cage!"

After Sonic gives the finger to THE PLAYER, he and Tails jumped down a nearby pit leading to the interior of the ship.

Now that Knuckles was back on his feet, he said "Wait a minute…I don't have to go to the bathroom! But, then what was that pull I felt towards this area?" He completely ignored the fact that his Master Emerald sense was going off like crazy.

Finally, he said "Hey, I just figured out something!…I'm on the Egg Carrier!" After this keen observation, THE PLAYER points toward a nearby floating Master Emerald piece and starts shouting at Knuckles.

Knuckles decided to wander around a bit, until he bumped into that Master Emerald piece. He said "Ow! Stupid Master Emerald piece…it's getting in the way of me finding some Master Emerald pieces!"

THE PLAYER mutters "Wait for it…wait for it…"

Sure enough, Knuckles finally said "OHHHHH!", and grabbed the Master Emerald piece. With it in hand, he flew off in the hopes of finding the final two missing pieces in that level.

* * *

**I'm tired of these mother(bleep)ing rocks on this mother(bleep)ing plane!**


	16. Behind Frenemy Lines

**If you ever wanted to know just how scary and demented Amy can be, read this chapter…**

* * *

Inside the Egg Carrier, Eggman approached Gamma, saying "Since we are under attack, I shall give you your hardest mission yet…a fan girl!"

Gamma asked "What should I do."

Eggman said "The fan girl is in one of our prison cells. I want you to go in there and force her to give you a bird she has. I think it might be another Deus Ex Machina, so we must get it!"

Gamma replied "Yes, sir. Killing-I mean, capturing the bird shall be fun."

Eggman then said "Now, I've got to head off and do absolutely nothing but act like a total sissy and change the ship's shape!", and ran off to his office.

Gamma immediately went to the three doors at one end of the interior. Though the door to the right was clearly marked "PRISON CELLS THIS WAY", Gamma said "Hmm…maybe the prison cells are in the door to the left." So he went through that door instead.

Inside, Gamma noticed Beta. But Beta was acting different…as he was being remodeled! As Gamma stood in shock, THE PLAYER asks "Wait…why is Beta getting a makeover? Aw, man…what a time for him to come out of the closet!"

Beta shouted "I'm not gay.", causing Gamma and THE PLAYER to laugh.

Gamma responded "Right. Haha." before heading out of the room.

Back out of there, Gamma now finally looked at the right door. He said "I must have entered the wrong room."

THE PLAYER replies "Really? You went the opposite way that the sign pointed and couldn't find what you were looking for?" Gamma ignored this and entered the correct door, leading eventually to the prison cells.

In her cell, Amy was holding Birdie and saying "Don't worry. We'll get through life in the big house! I may have to make you the prison bitch to do it, YOU GOT THAT?!" Birdie was extremely freaked out at this point.

Amy then said "Besides, we can always attempt a jailbreak by digging tunnels, knifing guards, using ropes, etc. And if we have to, we can always just escape in Hannibal Lecter's fashion!" Amy is now officially the creepiest Sonic character ever.

As Gamma walked into the room and approached Amy's cell, Amy shouted "Yes! We can just bribe this robot to let us out of here!"

Gamma first said "Give me the bird."

Amy responded "No! Not until you meet our demands!"

Gamma asked "What are these demands."

Amy said "Hmm…We need bird food. Lots of it. And then we need the newest GAP dresses, followed by some Sonic plushies, and some new makeup for-"

Gamma interrupted by shouting "Silence. Just give me the bird. Resistance is futile."

THE PLAYER shouts "Damn it! I was wrong to think that we could get through this scene without some horrible cliché showing up!"

Amy shouted to Gamma "You bully!"

Gamma then asked "I'm…a bully."

THE PLAYER laughs, saying "You're not a bully! If you were, you would be doing something smart, like actually BEATING HER UP for the bird!"

Amy yelled "Well, I'm not giving up this bird to you!"

Gamma then said "You show love for something you know nothing about. This is illogical."

THE PLAYER shouts "Damn it, Gamma! Stop acting like Spock from Star Trek!"

Amy then walked up to the edge of her cell, saying "I guess you haven't been programmed with emotions like love. I feel sorry for you."

THE PLAYER laughs, saying "You feel sorry for him? It should be more like the opposite, you crazy fan girl!"

Birdie suddenly flew up into Gamma's face, causing Gamma to have a seizure. Afterwards, Gamma pressed a nearby huge-ass button on the ground with his hands, causing the cell door to open.

THE PLAYER asks "What? THAT is the way to open the cells? Are you kidding me? What kind of crappy prison is this?"

Amy ran out, saying "Why are you helping us? It's not like you're going to turn out to be one of Birdie's parents at the end of your story in a shocking twist or something!"

Gamma just said "Go. We will be landing at the Mystic Ruins base soon."

Amy ran off, saying "You know, I'm starting to like you. Maybe we could be friends!"

THE PLAYER shouts "FRIENDS?! He's going to try to kill your friends in the next chapter, and you consider him a friend?"

Amy replied "Fine. We'll just be frenemies!" She then headed into the next room, leaving behind a stunned Gamma.

In the next room, Eggman's voice sounded over the loudspeakers. He said "The door leading onward is locked. Therefore, I shall have you play a game. If you win, you get to go through."

THE PLAYER shouts "What are you doing? If you know that she's trying to break out, why make escape an option? Why not just keep that door shut no matter what?"

Eggman responded by saying "No way! I have to put her into an easily escapable situation with an overly elaborate and exotic escape method!" THE PLAYER vows to never let Eggman guard anything form then on…ever.

The game Amy had to play was called Hedgehog Hammer. For this, she had to play a whack-a-mole rip-off…only with Sonic plushies instead of moles.

As Amy drew out her hammer to begin the game, THE PLAYER says "Whoa, whoa, whoa…YOU LET HER KEEP A WEAPON?! You had her captured, and you could've easily just confiscated that hammer, but no! You just had to let her keep her weapons. Your security system is a disaster!" Eggman ignored the newest complaint to his crappy security by starting the game.

As the Sonic plushies were popping up and down around her, Amy said "But…I don't want to hurt my bishie!"

THE PLAYER thinks, then says "Umm….didn't you hear? Sonic cheated on you!"

Amy yelled "WHERE'S THE HAMMER FROM DONKEY KONG?!" and destroyed all of the Sonic plushies almost instantly with her hammer.

As Eggman screamed with rage, THE PLAYER comments "You had just one weakness in your plan, Eggman. You based it all around a game of (bleep)ing whack-a-mole! Seriously, a five-year-old could guard something better than you!"

Amy picked up her prize from the game, which was a feather that would let her hold out her hammer and spin it around for an attack.

THE PLAYER asks "Hold on. How does that make sense? Why do you need a (bleep)ing feather to simply hold out a hammer and spin around? And how can a feather do that?"

Amy replied "Obviously, the same reason that Tails somehow needs a badge to breakdance!" before heading to the ship's giant interior.

In this place, Big was looking around, saying "This place doesn't look familiar."

THE PLAYER shouts "What?! Why is SEGA giving you such horrible lines?"

Big decided to use his sense of smell to find Froggy. As he sniffed, he said "Wow, there's a really bad smell here…oh wait, that's just me! But now…I've found Froggy!" Big ran to the end of the giant interior, passing by a cleaning robot that looked like Rosie from the Jetsons.

At the same time, Amy ran out the right door and met Big. They both decided to go through the Hot Shelter, since that led to the way out and Froggy. THE PLAYER asks "What? An alliance between the stupidest character and the craziest character?…We're all doomed!"

Inside the Hot Shelter, Amy and Big quickly found a door with a wheel next to it. When Amy grabbed the wheel and started turning it, the door started opening. She continued, singing "You spin me right round, right round, right round, right round…" as she did so.

As they continued, Amy and Big suddenly were stopped by Zero, who crashed through a glass wall shouting "Must…do…dramatic…entrance!" Amy screamed and started running

They soon reached a small pool of water in their way. Amy started jumping on some platforms floating on the water, and Navi chose that time to fly in.

Navi then gave the stupidest advice in the entire game by shouting "Keep your balance or else you'll fall!" The glowing light actually said this in the game.

THE PLAYER shouts "WHAT?! Gravity works? No way!"

After Amy and Big escaped across the pool, they went into the drainage room. Big looked in one of the tanks and saw Froggy. He immediately shouted "Oh no! It looks like Frogy needs my help!"

In his tank, Froggy was receiving an underwater massage from a servant robot while another servant robot brought in room service. Big said "Yep…he definitely looks like he needs help! I'll save you, buddy!"

Big then punched through the tank's glass, causing all of the water and Froggy to spill out. As Big examined his bloody hand, Amy asked "Why did you have to do that? There was a drainage switch right in the middle of this room that could've done that!"

Big replied "That wouldn't have been dramatic enough!" He then pulled out his fishing rod and started fishing for Froggy again. Amy rolled her eyes and decided to leave Big there.

Further in the level, Amy arrived at the bathrooms of the Egg Carrier. She started smashing all of the toilet stall doors, revealing monkeys that were on the toilet. THE PLAYER shouts "Amy a pervert! Someone arrest her!" Amy destroyed all of the monkeys, then continued on to the machine rooms.

In here, she had to jump from giant gear to giant gear for moving onward, making her say "Wow…I could use Ratchet and Clank right about now!"

At the other end of the giant room, she faced her biggest obstacle in the level…slow-moving doors. While Amy was waiting for the current door's slow opening process to finish, THE PLAYER goes out to get a sundae.

Behind it, she went on a ledge that stretched on smaller and smaller until the switch at the end. Amy went across it carefully, saying "This is just like a tightrope…maybe I should take gymnastics! Then I could become anorexic!"

THE PLAYER responds "Yeah…you're kind of fat for an anorexic!", which caused Amy to sob and lowered her self-esteem.

After hitting the switch, the ledge moved to another door further in the level. Soon, Amy reached a room with giant TV screens all over the walls. She instantly shouted "Yes! Now I can put in Sonic's porn and see what filth I have to punish him for!"

She put some cubes into some holes in the ground, and the TVs all turned on. Amy then grabbed some popcorn and started watching the show. However, Amy quickly asked "What's Zero doing in Sonic's porn?" before realizing that she was not watching Sonic's secret stash, but something different.

Zero angrily beckoned at Amy, then suddenly broke through the TV screen and charged at Amy. Amy commented "Cool! Is this one of those 3D movies?" After getting punched by Zero, she learned this was not so.

Amy ran through the broken TV screen with Zero pursuing her. She arrived at some more giant gear rooms, and was starting to panic as Zero closed in. Just then, a certain voice shouted "Listen! Look! Watch out!" before suddenly sending Amy out of the Hot Shelter...and into a vision.

A bit earlier, Big had just finished catching Froggy. As he glomped the frog, Froggy started gasping for air and croaking for help. Just then, Navi flew in and shouted "Hey! Look!"

Big asked "Uhhh…are you a firefly? Shiny…" before also being sent into a vision.

In Big's vision, Tikal was standing in front of the Master Emerald shrine for the first time. She looked around in awe, saying "Trippy, man! Like, that reminds me of when I took this batch of green acid yesterday and-"

She was interrupted by pulses in the water. Tikal gasped, saying "Is it all right for me to be here?" The answer was obviously no, but Tikal ignored this and went up to the middle of the shrine.

She looked at the Master Emerald, saying "WHOA! Someone put a nice lava lamp here! Maybe…those other jewels around here are the seven chaos! Like, THE SEVEN CHAOS, man! But if they're the servers…the lava lamp must be the controller!"

Just then, Big's vision ended with him doing absolutely nothing the whole time.

In another part of the Egg Carrier, Knuckles had tilted the section to its side again. Now, he was searching under the dirt patches that been underneath some moving platforms before he had hit the field-change switch. As he dug, he started stating out loud each item he found before he threw it aside, saying "Rock, wallet, lightsaber, Visa card, guns, rock, nuclear waste barrel, rock, meaning of life, Master Emerald piece, concert tickets to U2, rock-"

THE PLAYER says "Wait…what was a couple of items ago?"

Knuckles asked 'You mean the concert tickets?"

THE PLAYER responds "No. Before that!"

Knuckles then thought, saying "The meaning of life?"

THE PLAYER sighs, saying "After that."

Knuckles pondered deeply, going into his innermost parts of his very recent memory, before saying "Oh, don't worry about that! It was just a Master Emerald piece, not what I'm looking for-OHHHHH! I forgot, that is what I'm looking for!" He grabbed the piece, then went on the hunt for the final piece.

In Amy's vision, she saw what happened after the events of Big's vision. Amy first looked around, then gave a snobby look to the temple in the center of town. She said "Why is it so dirty? You know what, I'm out of here!" Amy left the town and went to the Master Emerald shrine, where she found Tikal looking at some of the Chao.

Tikal stared at them intently, then said "Wow…what have I been smoking to see these things?"

The water responded with some pulsing. Tikal then said "Cool…the lava lamp is sending vibes to me, man!" Just then, the water started rising until it formed the shape of a certain creature-

And the vision ended. Amy found herself back on the Egg Carrier, but now in a room with a giant pool. She asked "Was that a dream? That didn't feel like one…"

THE PLAYER responds "Nope. If you were dreaming, we all know what that would actually have entailed…" THE PLAYER attempts to get gruesome images of Sonic in chains and Amy with a whip out of his/her mind.

Amy ignored this, asking "But I still wonder…what was that thing the water was turning into?"

THE PLAYER thinks, then gasps and says "Could it have been…Chaos?"

* * *

**Duhn-duhn-DUUUUUUUUUUHN! Shocker…at least for anyone who hasn't played the game or read a plot synopsis, or just talked to people who've played it and asked about that particular subject!**


	17. The Climax of the Plot! Finally!

**Time for the super-duper, ultra-special, mega awesome ultimate climactic battle of the game!**

* * *

Knuckles had just tilted the Sky Deck platform on its side again, and was now in the farthest area…where he was conveniently being hit by random flying debris coming out of three nearby garage doors that were constantly opening and closing. He was hit in the head by a falling barrel, which of course meant no damage.

After dodging three falling robots, a barrel of nuclear waste, and a Siberian tiger, he then noticed a glimmer of light inside one of the garage doors. He charged in, only to find the final piece of the Master Emerald inside. Knuckles took it and said "Awww…I wanted those tickets to Disneyland!"

Suddenly, Navi flew up to Knuckles, shouting the only communication it knew. "Hey! Listen! Watch out!" that light bellowed, causing Knuckles to try running from it.

As Knuckles shouted "Get away from me! Why do you keep stalking me?", Navi created a flash that sent Knuckles into yet another vision.

As the flash ended, Knuckles looked around and said "Wow…this looks like the result of a bad acid trip!" In front of him, the Master Emerald shrine was on fire while Tikal was unconscious nearby.

Yami Yugi from Yugioh: Abridged randomly appeared on the scene, shouting "Burn! Burn it all down to the ground!" before disappearing.

While looking at the fire, THE PLAYER comments by singing "We didn't start the fire...it was always burning, since the world was turning!"

Knuckles decided to completely ignore the burning Master Emerald and head over to the unconscious chick. THE PLAYER says "Now that the Master Emerald is off your mind…you're doing the hippie chick?"

Just then, Tikal woke up to Knuckles' dismay. She stood up and gasped when she saw the shrine on fire. Tikal then said "Oh no…my pot stash is in trouble!"

Tikal ran up to the shrine, leaving behind a disappointed Knuckles. Just then, the vision was ended by ANCIENT ECHIDNA SPOILER TAGS that didn't want THE PLAYER to see this big plot point yet.

Meanwhile, Gamma had finally left the prison area only to receive an announcement from Eggman in the giant interior room. Eggman yelled "It's time for battle preparations! I need you to go into the ammo room and get a weapon I have for you in there! Afterwards, report to the deck above!"

Gamma went into the nearby ammo room, and found the Jet Booster inside an open shelf. This allowed Gamma to jump up and hover. THE PLAYER asks "You can fly?"

Peter Pan randomly came in and said "You can fly!"

Gamma jumped up and hovered, saying "I can fly."

THE PLAYER then asks the obvious "Why is this the only weapon in the ammo room? Why not just call it 'The Jet Booster Room' if that's the only useful weapon in here?"

Gamma checked the nearby shelves to see if any weapons were in there, but found them all stocked with food. He then commented "Or this could be called the refrigerator." before leaving the ammo room.

While Gamma had been in the ammo room, Sonic and Tails had landed in the giant interior room. Sonic yawned and said "Is that it?"

Tails responded "If you don't count us first finding Amy, then confronting Eggman, dealing with any of his robots, confronting Chaos, having a climactic battle, and retrieving its Chaos Emeralds along with finding any other Chaos Emeralds on this ship…then yes."

Sonic ignored the sarcasm in Tails' comment as he and Tails took the elevator to the deck above. Of course, they conveniently exited the giant interior room just as Gamma entered that same room from the ammo room.

On the top deck, Amy ran out of the pool room and was running toward the main office when she was blocked by Eggman. He asked "Where are you going?"

She responded "First to the grocery store, then that new Abercrombie & Fitch at the mall, then to a beauty spa, then-"

Eggman shrieked, then said "That was a rhetorical question!"

At that exact time, Sonic and Tails' elevator arrived on the top of the deck. Amy shouted "Help me, Sonic!", so of course Sonic and Tails decided to just slowly walk up to Amy and Eggman.

Eggman took this chance to fire a claw from his pod, which grabbed Birdie and brought it up to him. Eggman felt around Birdie, then pulled out a light blue jewel from it before letting Birdie go back into Amy's hands.

Tails gasped at the jewel, saying "That's…a Chaos Emerald!"

M. Night Shyamalan randomly appeared on the deck, shouting "What a twist!" before disappearing.

Eggman declared "Go away, all of you! This is all I really need!"

THE PLAYER responds "What about a woman? Dude, you seriously need to get laid!"

Eggman growled at the comment, but then noticed that the elevator had someone else on it…Gamma. Upon arriving, Gamma asked "How can I serve you, master."

Eggman ordered "First, I want you to get me an éclair, followed by some strudel, and then some chocolate cake-WAIT A MINUTE! Forget what I just said! I actually want you to fight these intruders while I run off like a chicken!"

Gamma loaded his gun, saying "Will do, master."

Eggman then started flying off, saying "Now if you excuse me, I've got better things to do!"

THE PLAYER comments "Nope."

Eggman shrieked again, then said "Don't disappoint me, Gamma, or else…I shall wag my finger at you and give you a harsh reprimand!" After that, the lazy ass finally flew off.

Sonic and Tails charged at Gamma, and the fight began. After dodging several shots and hitting Gamma a few times, Tails said "This robot is too powerful! We need John Connor to kill these robots for us!"

Just then, Christian Bale appeared on the deck and started shouting at Gamma, saying "(bleep)ing ass! I want you off the (bleep)ing set! THINK for one (bleep)ing second! What the (bleep) are you doing?" Gamma was immediately defeated by this rant, so Christian Bale left angrily.

Just as Sonic and Tails charged at Gamma for the final blow, Amy decided to run in front of Gamma like an idiot and block their path. She shouted "NOOOO! I want to kill him!"

THE PLAYER immediately crosses his/her fingers, saying "Kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her…" but to no avail, as Sonic and Tails stopped right in front of Amy.

Sonic then wondered "Hmmm…should I attack? I could hurt Amy, but it might be a bonus! But then I could get bad publicity for killing civilians, even if she's a crazy fan girl! Hmmm…"

As Sonic was thinking, THE PLAYER shouts "Get on with it!"

Then Tails shouted "Get on with it!"

Then Knuckles shouted "Get on with it!"

Then Tikal shouted "Get on with it!"

Sonic finally said "Hmmm…well, I guess I won't attack her!"

THE PLAYER bangs his/her head against the wall, shouting "DAMN IT!"

Tails asked "Get out of the way, you stupid fan girl! That robot just tried to kill us all!"

Amy shook her head, saying "I won't let you kill him! He helped me escape earlier! Therefore, I want him to die at a time that benefits me!"

Sonic sighed, saying "Well…I guess you must have your reasons!"

THE PLAYER says "Yes…she's (bleep)ing crazy!"

Just as they backed off from Gamma, the robot took this chance to shoot Sonic in the crotch, causing him to roll over in pain. As Gamma said "Tee hee hee.", the Egg Carrier started shaking.

Tails said "Oh no! The ship is sinking!"

Amy grabbed onto Sonic, saying "Oh bishie! This is just like the Titanic!"

Tails sighed and said "Actually, it would be more like the Hindenburg…"

Sonic looked around with a panic, saying "Quick, Amy! Where's my porn?"

Amy said "Oh…I burned it a little while ago! Now you can be mine forever!"

Sonic fell onto his knees in agony, shouting "NOOOOOOOOO!!! My porn!"

Tails then shouted "We have to get going! NOW!"

Sonic got up, saying "Tails! You grab Amy and go!"

Amy asked "What about you?"

Sonic responded "I'm not going with you guys! No (bleep)ing way!" He shuddered at the thought of Amy clinging to him for hours alone…

Sonic then declared "I'm going to fight Eggman, as I'd rather get blown up and killed on this ship then have to deal with YOU for a few hours alone! Now if you excuse me, I have a climax of the plot to go to!" He ran off before Tails or Amy could say anything.

Amy then went up to Gamma, saying "Don't trust Eggman anymore! It's what I want for you, and it's what Birdie wants for you!"

THE PLAYER says "The bird talks to her? Is she possessed? AHHHHHH!!!"

Gamma was somehow convinced by this small speech to COMPLETELY switch sides in mere seconds, causing THE PLAYER to then wonder "Amy's actually being…useful? WHAT?! How is this happening?"

Gamma then flew off the ship, while Tails grabbed Amy and flew them both off the ship in the other direction. As the dumb fan girl waved goodbye to Gamma, Tails muttered "I'm going to kill him anyways when I get the first chance to…"

As Tails and Amy flew away from the sinking ship, the camera made yet another panty shot of Amy. THE PLAYER says "I spy something that starts with 'restraining order' in the future…"

Meanwhile, Sonic had broken into the control room of the main office, and was looking out at the view of Eggman and Chaos on the central platform. Sonic said "Hmmm….I could just push some buttons in this room and use the Egg Carrier's weapons to blow Eggman and Chaos' asses sky-high…but that wouldn't be dramatic enough!"

So this idiot chose to find a way to change the ship back to its original shape. After a few minutes of searching, Sonic sat down on the chair in the room, only to notice that the chair was moving forward. THE PLAYER says "Of course! Eggman obviously needs a moving chair since it's impossible to simply walk a few feet forward for him!"

Sonic checked behind the chair and found the switch he needed. Upon pressing it, the Egg Carrier turned back to the way it had been before, now allowing access to the central platform. Sonic charged out of the building, saying "I'm here to kick ass and watch porn…and I'm all out of porn!"

At this time, Big awoke from his vision back in the giant interior room. As the ship started shaking, Big said "We've got to get out of here, Froggy! If we die now, there would be no point in my rescuing you!"

THE PLAYER responds "There already wasn't."

Big ignored this and started looking for a way out. Soon, Navi showed up and shouted "Hey! Use the call button to summon the subway!"

Big asked "Uhhh…what call button?" as he stepped onto that very button, summoning a subway to the spot where Big was. Being a subway, it was obviously overcrowded when Big took it to the top deck.

Upon reaching the top deck, Big went up to the runway and noticed the Tornado. While THE PLAYER is trying to point out this potential escape route to Big, his stupidity made him choose to completely ignore the plane and head up to the climactic battle.

On the central platform, THE PLAYER immediately notes that it looks like Chaos is humping the air. Just as Big arrived, Eggman flew onto the central platform and grinned when he saw Froggy in Big's hands.

Eggman said "Perfect timing! Now let's give Chaos a new form!" Eggman drew out the light blue Chaos Emerald, and Froggy started gagging the golden Chaos Emerald out of its mouth. They both threw their jewels into Chaos at the same time, and the flash created transformed it into Chaos 6.

Then, Froggy started hopping over to Chaos. Big ran up to Froggy, saying "What are you doing, buddy?"

Eggman explained "The frog is possessed by Chaos, since it swallowed Chaos'-"

"JOHNSON!" shouted the military commander. "We're contributing absolutely nothing to stopping Eggman, are we?"

Johnson replied "No, sir. In fact, a blue hedgehog and a two-tailed fox are doing more to save the world from Eggman than our entire army, navy, and air force of millions combined!"

The commander looked out the window of his summer home, sighed, and said "We're so pathetic in these games! To me, it feels like a hard kick in the-"

"Penetration!" announced Eggman as Froggy hopped into Chaos, creating another flash. "The frog shall now enter Chaos so that Chaos can get back its-"

"Insert random phallic image here!" shouted Knuckles, followed by "I don't know why I just randomly said that!" He was on top of the deck, having just left the pool room where the vision had dropped him off.

Knuckles looked around, saying "Now that all of the pieces of the Master Emerald have been found, I can just jump and fly off this ship right now! Unless, of course, some last-second plot device conveniently shows up to make me do a final boss fight!"

Said plot device came in the form of the Chaos transformation flash from the central platform. Knuckles covered his eyes, saying random gibberish. THE PLAYER just assumes that this is how Knuckles normally speaks.

After the flash, Knuckles said "Hmmm…I don't know what to do! This could potentially be a life-threatening boss fight that has absolutely nothing to do with my Master Emerald quest…but-OOOOOOOOH!!! SHINY!!!" as another flash came from the central platform, this being from Froggy entering Chaos. Knuckles immediately began a blind, impulsive run to the central platform.

On the platform, Chaos now its "funtime" back. Unfortunately for Big, Froggy was still trapped inside Chaos. Big yelled "Don't worry, Froggy! I'll get you out of there, since you're obviously trying to escape when you're just sitting there calmly!"

Just then, Sonic arrived on the scene. He looked at the new monster before him and said "Chaos…could this be the same best?"

THE PLAYER comments "Hmmm…have you seen ANY OTHER water monsters with Chaos Emeralds in them recently?"

Sonic then noticed the frog inside Chaos, and asked Big "Is he your friend?"

THE PLAYER says "No, he's just apparently used by Big for fishing practice!"

Sonic ignored this and said to Big "Then I'll help you by standing here and letting you do all the rescuing!" Big promptly charged into the battle.

For this fight, Chaos' great battle plan was to just walk around and let Big fish for Froggy in it. Sonic said "Awesome! Is my fight going to be that easy?"

Eggman replied "No. That wouldn't be climactic at all!"

Sonic thought "_Damn it!_"

After perhaps the most boring boss fight ever imagined for a Sonic game, Big finally caught Froggy with his fishing rod. With Froggy in his hands, Big fled the central platform and headed down to the runway.

Once there, Big approached the Tornado and said "I have no idea how to fly a plane, this plane isn't in a good condition to fly, and I actually don't even know what a plane is…so let's impulsively fly this plane!" Froggy had a horrified look on his face.

Meanwhile, Sonic turned to face Chaos 6 and Eggman. He said "Let's start already! The plot isn't going to reach the climax by itself!"

Eggman did his stereotypical evil villain laugh, then said "You cant stop me, Sonic! Even though Chaos still doesn't have all 7 rocks, he's still too powerful for you! Now there's only one Chaos Emerald left…"

THE PLAYER is pointing to the Tornado, shouting "IT'S…RIGHT…NEXT TO YOU!!!"

Eggman completely ignored this, perhaps making his biggest mistake of the game. He ordered "Chaos…attack this pest and finish him!"

Chaos' name appeared on the screen, and a climactic battle tune started playing. THE PLAYER says "Hey…that music's a rip-off of the Mission Impossible theme!"

Eggman whispered "Shhhh! They will never know…"

Sonic started fighting Chaos by doing the same strategy that had worked in every other Chaos fight…attacking the head. This time, it didn't work.

Sonic shouted "WHAT?! For once, SEGA's actually being original in how to kill a boss? I can't believe this!"

Eggman shouted "Hey! That's my catchphrase!" before getting the finger from Sonic again.

Sonic then sighed and said "I'm going to need Chuck Norris for this battle…or maybe just a move of extreme stupidity from my enemy!"

Said stupid move came from Eggman when he pressed a button to release some mini freezing robots. He declared "For this fight, I shall guarantee a win for me by releasing these absolutely pointless little robots that could only potentially help my enemy and not help Chaos in any way!"

Meanwhile, Chaos decided to do an impression of a vacuum cleaner by trying to suck in everything on the central platform. Sonic crushed one of the robots and sent it flying into Chaos' vacuum mouth. This caused Chaos to freeze entirely.

Sonic then attacked Chaos, causing damage as Chaos broke free of the ice. Eggman shouted "No way! I can't believe this! Therefore, I shall continue to release these pointless little robots despite the fact that they clearly only HURT my chances of winning this fight!"

Chaos, however, was smart enough to try something different. Chaos went to the center of the field, turned into a giant blob, and started shooting out tentacles all around the field.

Sonic shouted "NO!!! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! You're only encouraging the fan girls to make a million really bad hentais out of this!"

Eggman laughed and said "That's the point! You'll be mocked out of the video game world!"

Sonic started crying, but then noticed a nearby robot. He jumped at it, then defeated it and threw this robot at Chaos. The monster was frozen again, so Sonic started doing damage to it before it could break free again.

After some rinsing, washing, and repeating of the above several paragraphs, Sonic finally won the climactic battle and destroyed Chaos. Eggman shrieked and said "The good guy WINNING the climactic battle? When has that ever happened?"

Just at that moment, the Tornado took off the runway with Big and Froggy on it, heading for its usual type of landing…crashing. Big somehow steered the plane to the mystic Ruins jungle below, and that was the last they were seen of from the Egg Carrier.

Sonic asked "Are you serious? I only saved the world by being a distraction for the enemy? That sucks!"

Knuckles then arrived on the scene, causing Sonic to laugh and say "Haha! You missed the climax of the plot!"

Knuckles then shouted "Damn it! Why did it take me several minutes to walk a distance I could normally walk in seconds?"

Eggman then declared 'There is only one way out of this! I'll have to do what I always do…run away!" Eggman flew his pod off of the ship with Sonic chasing after him. Just as Eggman flew over the edge of the ship, Sonic tried to stop but fell off the edge of the ship screaming.

Knuckles laughed at watching this spectacle of stupidity, but then turned around and saw that Chaos 6 was still alive. Knuckles readied his fists, saying "You must be trying to prevent me from restoring the Master Emerald by just standing there! Well, I won't let you!"

Chaos rolled its eyes and went into yet another fight. Knuckles grabbed some of the leftover freezing robots, and then this fight became a perfect re-enactment of the Sonic/Chaos 6 fight.

Several beatings later, Chaos was finally destroyed again! This time, however, the six Chaos Emeralds it had were now lying on the ground in the place where Chaos was destroyed.

THE PLAYER quickly sks "How is this possible? Knuckles saved the day?"

Knuckles scooped up the Chaos Emeralds, saying "Pretty…" before flying off the Egg Carrier. As he flew away, the Egg Carrier started blowing up in the background. Finally, it sunk down to the sea below.

The only thing that THE PLAYER can say is "Wow…what a piece of crap that ship was! Honestly, couldn't Eggman have put in something as simple as an autopilot?"

* * *

**For those future readers who don't understand the Christian Bale thing, the movie Terminator: Salvation was out in theaters around the time this chapter was posted, which had Christian Bale playing as John Connor!**

**Anyways, the next chapter looks really good! Chapter 18 will cover the events of Tails trying to save Station Square from Eggman's missile, and I've got a lot of good jokes planned out for completely mocking this!**


	18. Mission: Possible

**Here it is…one of my personal favorite chapters! Just as a side note…whenever a bold font shows up from now on, it indicates a timer showing up in the middle of the screen! (basically what the TV show 24 does to show the time during scenes!) Except instead of showing the time, it'll be counting down to random things! Since this chapter is about trying to stop a nuclear missile, I decided to do it like an episode of 24!**

* * *

_The following takes place between THE PLAYER's dinner and THE PLAYER's falling asleep from boredom…_

It was evening in Station Square by the time that Tails and Amy arrived from their fight on the Egg Carrier. Tails flew down in front of the train station and dropped Amy off there.

**Number of seconds until Amy thinks of Sonic again: 3:00**

And sure enough, three seconds later Amy said "I can't wait to find my Sonic and glomp him again!"

**Number of seconds until something new happens: 5:00**

Amy thanked Tails for helping her, and said "You and Sonic were so brave in that rescue!"

Tails responded "Kaythanksbye!", and instantly started running away from Amy. As Tails turned to look ahead, he saw Eggman's pod spinning out of control nearby before crashing.

THE PLAYER "Who would've guessed…something new happened!"

Tails yelled "HEY! What is Eggman crashing for? I'm supposed to be the character that always crash lands!" Tails ran up to the crashed pod to see what was going on.

Eggman was slouched over in his seat, saying "How could the main antagonist be defeated? Well, now I shall get my revenge by blowing up a random city! Explosions make everything better!"

Eggman pushed a button on his pod, and a HUGE-ASS missile appeared on the horizon, ready to be launched and blow up Station Square.

THE PLAYER says "Let's do this scene in the style of a horribly dubbed Japanese video game! What happen?"

Tails responded "Somebody set up us the bomb.", indicating toward the giant missile.

As Eggman flew his pod up and turned to face the whole city, THE PLAYER says "We get signal." and tries turning up the volume, only to press the wrong button and turn off the TV.

THE PLAYER immediately turns back on the TV with the remote, saying "What! Main screen turn on."

Eggman appeared on there, and THE PLAYER shouts "It's you!!"

Eggman declared "How are you gentlemen!! All your city are belong to us.", indicating to himself and the missile. "You are on the way to destruction."

Tails pounded his fist on the ground in anger, shouting "What you say!!"

Eggman replied "You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha…"

THE PLAYER looks at Tails, saying "Captain!!"

Tails replied "Take off every 'Zig'!!"

THE PLAYER says "You know what you doing."

Tails then shouted "Move 'Zig'."

THE PLAYER says "For great justice."

**Time until everyone is screwed: 2:00 seconds**

Tails asked "Wait, what-" as Eggman pushed a button on his pod and fired the missile.

It soared over everyone's heads and landed right in the middle of the city…but there was no kill-all explosion. Instead, the words EPIC EGGMAN FAIL appeared on the bottom of the screen.

Eggman shrieked and said "It was a dud?! Why didn't the nuke kill everyone? What could have gone wrong?" Eggman then looked at his remote for launching the nuke and noticed the tag MADE IN KOREA attached to it. "DAMN IT!!!"

Eggman then flew in the direction of the missile, saying "I guess I'll just have to set it off myself! Besides, I know exactly where that missile landed! Only one building is evil enough to deserve it…4Kids Headquarters!"

THE PLAYER comments "Eggman might actually be doing some good out of this…"

Tails gasped, saying "There's still stuff to do? I thought that I wouldn't have to do anything after the climax of the plot!"

THE PLAYER replies "It looks like we've still got some post-climactic bullcrap to go through! You and a few other characters…"

Tails yelled "AW, COME ON!!!" before chasing after Eggman.

In front of the garage door leading into the 4Kids Headquarters building, Eggman was yelling "What do you mean, I need ID?"

The guard replied "Sorry, sir. Only people with I.D. cards are allowed through here, no matter how different they look from the pictures on the cards. For instance…just a few days ago, a blue hedgehog came here and used an I.D. card with a picture of someone that looked absolutely nothing like him, but we didn't complain and we let him through!"

Eggman shrieked, before finally saying "And now for my impression of the Kool-Aid man!" He blew open the garage door and flew right through the new hole, shouting "OH YEAH!!!!"

**Time until THE PLAYER is annoyed by Eggman: 0:00 seconds**

Tails went up to the hole, and said "Wait…does this mean I get to be the hero? Sweet!"

THE PLAYER says "Great…let's all put our hopes in the druggie!"

Tails replied "Hey, you know what? I don't need pot! I don't need crack! I don't need heroin!…I'm hooked on downers, baby!"

THE PLAYER does a face palm, then says "We're all screwed!"

Tails looked around and commented "Wow, I've changed a lot since I first met Sonic…"

THE PLAYER says "No, that's called puberty!" Tails ignored this and went through the hole, ready for the epic chase in the level behind the 4Kids building.

**Time until SEGA makes a good 3D Sonic game: Never**

This was the exact same level as what Sonic had faced earlier, only now Eggman was flying through as well. The doctor started taunting Tails by shouting "I HUNGER!!! RUN, COWARD!!!"

Tails asked "Do you seriously have to act like Sinistar for this?"

Eggman yelled "RAAAUUUGGGHH!!! BEWARE, COWARD!!!"

Tails ignored this, having flown through half of the level already by this point. Eggman yelled "Curses! Maybe acting like a stereotypical video game villain isn't the way to go…no, that's impossible!" Eggman sped up, and suddenly the two of them were neck and neck.

**Time until Eggman learns to become a good villain: A miracle**

As they got three quarters of the way through, Eggman suddenly collapsed over in his seat. He said "Oh no…not another heart attack! This is the third one this week!" The pod spun out of its course, and Tails grinned as he went to the end of the level.

Tails went over to the missile, saying "Now it's time for my Jack Bauer impression! No…at this point, I am Jack Bauer!" So he did what any normal boy could do by defusing a nuclear weapon.

Later, as Tails was celebrating his life-saving tactics in the Casinopolis area, Eggman suddenly flew in to crash the party. Tails asked "How are you here? I thought you had a heart attack!"

Eggman replied "A heart attack can't keep me down for that long! Besides, I've had so many heart attacks that my body has now developed an immunity to them!"

THE PLAYER comments "What a healthy lifestyle…"

Eggman then said "Now I shall get my revenge for you ruining my plans…by challenging you to a dance-off!" He pressed a button, and his pod transformed into its gigantic, four-legged Egg Walker form.

Tails gasped at its huge size, saying "I don't know if I can dance better than those giant legs…but I've got my break dancing badge thing! So yeah, you're on!"

The dance-off began with Eggman's machine walking over Tails, ejecting bombs out of its back while doing so. Tails dodged the bombs, then said "Wait a second…that thing (bleep)s out bombs?"

Eggman shrieked and said "NO! It's not taking a (bleep)!"

THE PLAYER says "I don't know…those are coming out of its rear end!"

Eggman chose to ignore this and started moving his invention around in a dance. Tails responded by turning on a nearby radio to the song "Stayin' Alive", then break dancing to it.

After doing ten turns in a row, the nearby crowd of people applauded. Eggman had his robot jump over Tails, then spin around and cross legs back and forth before landing perfectly. This also caused more applause.

Just then, Eggman started charging up his robot for some damaging dance moves on the ground. Tails realized this, and realized what he needed to do. He went underneath the walker, and hit the inside of each of its heels with his breakdances.

This caused the robot to slump, allowing Tails to fly up to Eggman and spin kick him right in the face. After doing so, Tails shouted "You just got served!", causing the crowd to cheer again.

Eggman got his robot back up, then shouted "Have you ever danced with the fat guy in the moonlight?"

Tails responded "Hey, that's from Batman! Seriously, can you come up with any originality-" At this point, Tails was crushed by one of the Egg Walker's feet, which for some reason caused a "Pfft!" sound as it did so.

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes and says "Oh great. Now a Monty Python reference because it's a giant foot. Ha ha ha…"

Just when all hope seemed lost, one man noticed the crowd around the dance-off, and went to investigate. When this man saw the Egg Walker, he gasped and decided to become the Deus Ex Machina of this chapter. This man's name was George Lucas.

Lucas ran out, shouting "HEY! What the hell is going on? That walker is completely stealing from my Star Wars films! I thought you SEGA people had learned after all of the lawsuits over the Death Egg, but I guess it's back to court with all of you!"

Lucas stormed off angrily, while Eggman started crying. During this, Tails pushed out from under the Egg Walker and realized how to win this from the Star Wars reference.

Tails grabbed a nearby random cable, tied it around the Egg Walker's legs, and caused it to fall over. While standing triumphantly over a sobbing Eggman, Tails said "You, Eggman, are officially owned!"

The crowd burst into cheer, and Tails flew around in joy. "I did it!" he shouted. "Well…not the 'did it' that would actually be FUN, but I still kicked Eggman's ass!"

**Time until the chapter is done: Why do you need to look here? LOOK HOW CLOSE THE BOTTOM IS!!!**

* * *

**I finished this chapter much quicker than I thought I would! Somehow, my progress is actually speeding up! AWESOME!**


	19. MORE Pointless Subplots?

**After over a month of not doing anything for this, I have decided to continue working on this until the end!**

* * *

Gamma was flying down into the Mystic Ruins after the fighting in the Mystic Ruins had ended. As he flew down, he suddenly had a drug trip which involved seeing a fat walrus, a bunch of losers getting beamed away, and a crazed fan girl.

Oh wait, that actually happened. It was a collage of his memories which Gamma was now going over. He finally decided to side with the fan girl for no apparent reason, then decided on his new mission.

Gamma shouted to no one in particular "I shall save my robot friends that got beamed away. And by save, I mean blow them to bits." Gamma then loaded his gun and put on some sunglasses before saying "It's time to Gamminate them."

THE PLAYER asks "Your method of 'saving them' is killing them? This is sounding more and more like the events of Jonestown…"

Gamma responded "Silence. I was meaning I would save the animals inside them, dumbass."

THE PLAYER asks "Wouldn't blowing up the robots put the animals inside at risk of being killed?"

Gamma paused, then said "Shut up." before walking off to his first destination…and unfortunately not his final destination.

As Gamma entered the Windy Valley, THE PLAYER whines "Again?! I have to do this (bleep) again because some stupid robot that's harming no one is living way in the back of there? COME ON!"

Gamma ignored this and proceeded to blow up the rock wall in front of him for a shortcut. THE PLAYER's jaw drops, and he/she says "Cool! Ignore what I said before…Let's tear this place up!"

So Gamma proceeded to blow up more rock walls, probably putting many miners out of their jobs just so he could pursue one robot. As this logical path continued, Gamma finally reached the end of the level, where the blue E-103 Alpha was waiting.

THE PLAYER says "This had better be a cool boss fight…you know, where you have to blow stuff up around some enemy with a huge health bar in a dramatic fashion? With tons of weapons and lots of moving around into different fields for making this more epic?" THE PLAYER is highly disappointed.

At first sight, the E-103 Alpha started shooting at Gamma. The E-102 blocked the shots by firing his own shots at them, while THE PLAYER asks "Why are you shooting at me, Alpha? I'm only trying to kill you!"

In this boss fight, all Gamma had to do was stand there and fire a shot every few seconds to win. No moving around, no drama, no variety in weapons. Just stopping Alpha's shots with Gamma's shots and hitting Alpha a few times.

When the E-103 Alpha blew up, THE PLAYER says "What was that? Honestly, this was supposed to be a boss fight, not some regular enemy fight! What a waste of time!"

Gamma laughed and headed out of the level, saying "But wait…there's still three more robots that I, the Gamminator, have to kill."

THE PLAYER shouts "NOOOO! Damn you!", and Gamma walked off toward the nearby mountain part of the Mystic Ruins.

While going through the cave, Gamma went by the Ice Cavern and skipped past it to THE PLAYER's relief. He/she comments "Good…we don't need any Mr. Freeze puns while you're acting like Arnold Schwarzenegger!"

When Gamma got to the area near the Master Emerald shrine, he turned toward Red Mountain and charged into there. But for some reason, the level started in the inside part already.

THE PLAYER asks "Where's the continuity here? One second he's outside, the next he's indoors! How does that make sense?"

Gamma went forth, destroying more rock walls and fighting more enemies over lava pits. When Gamma finally got to the end of the area, THE PLAYER says "Phew…hopefully this time we'll get a different fight that will be nothing like the fight against the last robot!"

As Gamma and the E-104 Epsilon started shooting at each other, THE PLAYER discovers that he/she is horribly wrong. THE PLAYER shouts "What's going on? It's the EXACT SAME FIGHT! Just in a different area, and the robot's a different color…why is this fight even here? There's no point to this level if the boss fight is the exact same as the last one!"

Epsilon said "I am different from Alpha."

THE PLAYER says "Prove it."

Epsilon then shot at Gamma again, singing "He has a powerful weapon, he charges a million a shot. Assassin at second-to-none, the Bot with the Golden Gu-un…"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes, saying "Great. As if Eggman wasn't already enough of a Bond villain rip-off. Besides, you're not even golden! You're more of an orange color…"

Epsilon responded "Oh…damn.", right before getting Gamminated by Gamma.

One pointless boss fight later, Gamma went out of Red Mountain and said "Only three robots left." He then decided to learn how to count by holding out his hand and saying "E-105 Zeta…E-101 Beta…and E-102 Gamma."

THE PLAYER asks "Can you try killing Gamma first? This plot is boring me…"

Gamma then tried to think of where Beta could be hiding. He then stumbled across a memory of Beta getting a makeover before chuckling. After a few minutes of this, he said "Wait…I have an idea. Let's go to the crashed Egg Carrier to see if either of the robots will be there."

THE PLAYER says "And you're basing this off of a completely obscure memory, on a ship that was in a bad enough condition to make you get away from it, along with everyone else which would probably include those robots?"

Gamma responded "Of course."

THE PLAYER holds up his/her hand, shouting "Let's do it!"

Gamma loaded up his gun yet again, saying "It's time to…Kill Beta.", causing the song "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" to play in the background.

THE PLAYER then says "Hey…this whole sub-plot has been similar to Kill Bill! Well, it's killing four instead of five, but still…"

Gamma ignored this and went back to the train station. Once there, he boarded a random raft that was just lying on the water nearby. No payment for renting the raft or anything.

As Gamma took said raft out to sea to get to the Egg Carrier's crash site, THE PLAYER says "You know what would be funny? If we would be lucky enough to happen to run into BOTH of the robots we happen to be looking for on that one ship crash site on the exact day we get there! But I doubt SEGA would sink to that depth of defying probability! I mean, what are the chances of that happening?"

And so THE PLAYER and Gamma shared a good, long laugh as they headed out to sea, knowing that it would be completely ridiculous to find both of their objectives on the same ship at the same time that they happen to arrive there…

* * *

**Will SEGA sink that low in convenient plot twists? You shall find out **_**not**_** in the next chapter, but the following one!**


	20. The Filler Chapter

**And now it is time for the most pointless chapter in this entire fic…Hooray!**

* * *

As she and Tails split directions, Amy Rose started walking toward the train station in Station Square. So, while Tails was saving himself and the lives everyone in the city from a disastrous, horrifying death….Amy was busy talking to a bird. The excitement is killing THE PLAYER.

Amy said to Birdie "Wow…I still can't believe that I never saw that Chaos Emerald on you this whole time! It's such a shocker to me, especially since I've been around with you for the whole game so far! How could I not see it?"

THE PLAYER asks "Could it have anything to do with your intelligence?"

Amy then finally decided to search Birdie, finding a picture of Birdie with two other birds in it. Amy asked "Are these your parents? What do you say we go on a pointless side quest to find them?"

Birdie started chirping, and Amy then said "You must like this idea! Let's go! Eggman probably has your parents, so let's go to his secret base!"

What Birdie was actually saying could be translated along the lines of "NO! Please let go of me! If my parents find me, they'll kill me for what I've been doing over the summer…"

Amy's misinterpretation led her to taking the train to the Mystic Ruins. Once there, she followed the "EGGMAN'S SUPER ULTRA SECRET BASE-THIS WAY" signs into the jungle portion of the Mystic Ruins, only to find a giant base with an entrance bridge leading to the edge of the cliff Amy was standing on.

As Amy looked at this bridge, she said "I don't remember this bridge being here before…"

THE PLAYER responds "Maybe it's because you've NEVER BEEN HERE before?"

Amy went across the bridge, sneaking into Eggman's base. This seemed surprisingly easy, considering the fact that Eggman should be a criminal mastermind with plenty of security blocking access to common people. However, Eggman apparently was not that, since Amy literally walked right in.

At the beginning of the base's Final Egg level, Amy walked forward a few steps before Zero dropped down behind her, saying "Boo! Creepy stalker time!"

THE PLAYER screams, then says "Finally! Someone competent is here…at least, hopefully!"

Zero then said "There are so many charity bake-offs I could've attended if you hadn't been around to keep me busy! I shall stop you, fan girl, and donate your organs to those who need it most!"

Amy screamed, then started running through the base with Zero chasing after her. THE PLAYER comments "When did we enter Soviet Russia? Because in Soviet Russia, YOU stalk fan girl!"

Suddenly, the Scooby Doo theme song started playing in the background. Amy found a room full of barrels, then jumped into one as Zero arrived. Zero opened one barrel, and Amy popped out of another barrel behind him. As Zero turned to face her, she ducked back down.

Zero went to that barrel and opened it up to find nothing inside. Meanwhile, Amy popped out of yet another barrel, causing Zero to go after that. After Zero found that barrel empty, Amy popped out of another barrel and ran out of the room this time.

Amy ran through more of the level, and it seemed that Zero was gone. Suddenly, Zero popped out from behind what seemed to be a bookshelf, but was actually a rotating door in disguise.

Amy charged into the bookshelf, sending her to the other side of the bookshelf. Zero then tried to push the rotating bookshelf around to the other side. But as he went to the other side, Amy came out on the first side.

Zero pushed at the rotating bookshelf again, only for Amy to go out on the other side again while Zero went out on the first side. Finally, Zero only pushed the bookshelf 90 degrees so that both sides were open. Upon realizing there was no safe way across the bookshelf for her now, Amy ran off in the other direction from Zero.

Finally, Amy reached a hallway with three doors on each wall. She ran into one door on the right side, with Zero following close behind. Amy then came out another door on that side, with Zero coming out of the third door on that side. Upon seeing Amy, Zero chased her into a door on the left side.

Amy then came out of a door on the right side while Zero came out of another door on the left side. Upon seeing Amy again, Zero chased Amy into the third door on the left side.

Then another door on the left side opened with Zero chasing Amy into a door on the right side. After that, another door on the right side opened with Amy chasing Zero into a door on the left side.

Finally, Zero just started running out of one door and randomly running into another door over and over again. Amy stepped out of a door and decided to just stay in the middle of the hallway, saying "(bleep) this!"

Zero charged out of another door, and Amy tripped Zero this time with her hammer. Zero crashed into the other wall, and Amy then grabbed onto Zero's face.

She said "And this robot is none other than…", before she started pulling on Zero's face. Upon finding that it wouldn't come off, she said "Umm…ZERO!"

Zero then grumbled "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kid-HEY!", upon realizing that Amy had taken this opportunity to run like hell. With that, the Scooby Doo music stopped playing.

As Amy got near to the end of the level, she reached a half-circle shaped room with five doors to choose from. Just then, studio light went down on her and a drum roll started up as a random guy in a suit walked in. He shouted "Greetings! I am your host today for the popular game show…PICK THAT DOOR!"

A random audience started cheering at this, and the host said "Alright, Amy…which door shall you pick? Behind each door is as follows: A new car, an AK-47, a 5-dollar off coupon to Denny's, an empty beer bottle, and the only way out of this level without being killed or captured by Zero!"

Amy started thinking, saying "Wow…getting out of this level without being killed or captured sounds appealing, but THAT NEW CAR sounds awesome! Augh! This is such a tough choice…"

THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes, saying "Just take the damn exit!"

Amy grumbled, then said "Fine! I'll try for the exit!" She chose the far right door and found the coupon in there.

The host then said "Oof! Would you like to try a second time! But just a warning…you only get one more try!" Amy chose the middle door, got it right, and zoomed through to the exit.

After heading out of the level, Amy said to Birdie "Hmm…it looks like your parents aren't in this base!" Amy then gasped and said "Wait a second! You escaped from the EGG CARRIER! Which means...your parents must be there!"

THE PLAYER shouts "You remembered this now? After that whole (bleep)ing level? You've got to be kidding me! What was the point of this level, then?"

Amy replied "Just to get some pissed off robot to continue stalking me, I guess!"

THE PLAYER then says "How...but…" before gasping and saying "Wait a second! Was this whole entire level…just a pointless filler?!"

Amy said "Yep…It sounds like a filler chapter to me!" before heading out of the base and going toward the train station. Once there, she stole another conveniently located raft and took off for the Egg Carrier crash site.

THE PLAYER asks "You know what would be funny? If the events of your trip on there happened to be affected by the events of Gamma's trip on there just an hour before!" And so THE PLAYER and Amy started laughing as they thought of how ridiculous that could be. After all, what would the chances be of that happening?

* * *

**Find out in the next chapter!**


	21. Many Twisted Endings!

**Four character endings put into one chapter? This is blasphemy! This is madness! This is…a Sonic Adventure parody!**

* * *

_Warning: The following chapter contains many spoilers_** (Rosebud is the name of Kane's beloved childhood sled)**_ about the endings of some of the stories in Sonic Adventure. In particular I'm talking about _**(Malcolm Crowe was dead the whole time)**_ the ending of Gamma's story. So you may not want to read this chapter if you want to avoid being shocked _**(Darth Vader is Luke's father)**_ about something that millions of other people know about. If you want to read, then enjoy your spoilers! _**(Snape kills Dumbledore)**

Upon reaching the Egg Carrier's crash site, Gamma said "Target detected. E-105 Zeta inside Hot Shelter. I shall now open the Hot Shelter."

THE PLAYER asks "Wait…how would all of this machinery still be working? The ship CRASHED in the middle of the sea!" Gamma ignored this and went into the interior of the Egg Carrier.

Once inside, Gamma went to the drained out water storage tank and grabbed a gun upgrade that was randomly lying on the bottom there. THE PLAYER shrugs and says "Makes sense to me!" With this new weapon in hand, Gamma charged into the Hot Shelter.

The level was pretty okay...at least, until Gamma reached a part where he had to step on a button that caused a claw to come down and take him up to a higher ledge. THE PLAYER asks "Why waste all of this money on a giant claw that looks like something you'd see in an arcade for grabbing prizes? Couldn't they just build stairs?"

Gamma laughed and asked "You think Eggman could climb stairs."

THE PLAYER thinks, then says "True. That would be impossible for him."

Gamma eventually reached a part where he was on two fast-moving trains that sped through a never-ending corridor. He had to get to the front of a train to stop it, which would take forever and usually mean running out of time for the level.

As he was going forward, he passed by a compartment with a group of monkeys inside it. As his compartment sped past theirs, he shot at the monkeys and killed them all, commenting "Awesome. My first drive-by shooting."

As Gamma got closer to the front, he noticed Spiderman and Doctor Octopus battling each other on the side wall of a compartment. THE PLAYER says "A Spiderman 2 reference? Jeez, this train is really long…"

Finally, Gamma got to the front of the train and was about to press the stopping button…when he ran out of time. THE PLAYER shrieks, and has Gamma go on a mad rampage through the next attempt to get to the front of the train.

Some frustrations later, Gamma finally stopped the train in time and conveniently pulled up at the station he was planning to get to Zeta from. A little ways down, he reached a pit in the middle of a room. THE PLAYER shouts "Hurry! Timmy's at the bottom of a well!" before having Gamma jump down the pit.

As Gamma fell, he commented "I hope there isn't an ambush waiting for me at the bottom of this pit…" Upon landing, he was surrounded by a dozen monkey robots. He said "Me and my big mouth." before re-enacting The Burly Brawl from The Matrix: Reloaded on them.

One mass slaughter of monkeys later, Gamma finally reached where Zeta was…on a circular platform with the floor below it rotating around the platform. Gamma jumped onto the floor, then saw a ton of missile launchers on the sides of the platform.

THE PLAYER laughs, saying "We have to kill him on a Merry-Go-Round? Seriously?"

Zeta pointed to the missile launchers and said "More like a Death-Go-Round." He then started shooting the missiles at Gamma.

THE PLAYER shouts "Oh, (bleep), (bleep), (bleep), (bleep), (bleep), (bleep)…" while having Gamma run around the platform with a barrage of missiles following.

One round of crazy, Matrix-style shooting later, Gamma finally defeated the E-105 Zeta and blew it to pieces. THE PLAYER blinks and says "Wow…This game finally has something challenging in it! Hooray!"

After heading back outside of the Egg Carrier, Gamma said "The only robots left are…Gamma…". Just then, Beta conveniently chose to fly past Gamma, heading toward the central platform of the Egg Carrier. Gamma then said "Beta…".

While THE PLAYER is confused about why Gamma randomly decided to act like Captain Kirk in the last statement, along with how completely unlikely this event is, Gamma went to the central platform to finish the rivalry for good.

Once there, the fight immediately began with Gamma shooting at Beta. Beta flew to the side and dodged this attack, singing "Can't touch this…can't touch this…can't touch this…can't touch this…break it down."

Gamma continued trying to shoot the MC Hammer copy, but it did no good. While Beta kept dodging each shot, Beta finally fired some missiles at Gamma. Gamma shot all of them out, so Beta had to go to Plan B.

Beta flew high up in the air then started charging up energy. THE PLAYER gasps, then says "Oh no…it's his shoop da whoop! Run!"

Gamma started running around the platform like a total spazz, so that when Beta yelled "BLAHHHHHH!" and fired his lazer, it missed. It still destroyed half of the platform, but it missed Gamma.

Finally, Beta dived down and did a mad charge at Gamma. However, Gamma simply jumped out of the way and put his gun behind Beta's head as the robot passed. Gamma said "Dodge this." before firing the gun into Beta's head.

THE PLAYER applauds Gamma's use of an awesome Matrix moment, then notices Beta dying on the floor. Gamma walked up to Beta, probably to mock the E-101 for his stupidity, but then Beta suddenly lunged up and punched through Gamma.

As Gamma stumbled back from this fatal blow, Beta collapsed on the ground and blew up. THE PLAYER says "What?! A rip-off of the end of King Arthur's tale?"

From Beta's remains, a bird started flying up. Gamma noticed it, and THE PLAYER says "Hold on…a good metaphor of life's circles? In a Sonic game? What next?"

Gamma then collapsed on the floor. THE PLAYER says "Whoa, whoa, whoa…SEGA would never kill a good Sonic character! No way! That's just impossible for a Sonic game!"

At that moment, Gamma blew up, saying as he died "Haha Beta. My dying explosion is bigger than yours." From Gamma's remains flew up another bird, which joined the first bird as they flew off happily together, leaving behind the two dead robots that had symbolized fierce rivalries and conflict. This scene demonstrates how in the long run, love outlasts conflict.

THE PLAYER is completely shocked. He/she says "How can this be…the Sonic games did an ending that was actually INTERESTING?! And had real-life applications of philosophical thought?! In a Sonic game?! Who put the writers off of their drugs? Who got those writers thinking? With scenes like this, maybe the Sonic games will become better in 3-D after all..."

* * *

This notion was completely ruined when Amy arrived on the Egg Carrier for the end of her story. Upon arriving, Amy went onto the central platform, where the two birds from earlier showed up, revealing the shocker that they are Birdie's parents.

M. Night Shyamalan randomly appeared and shouted "What a twist!" before disappearing again.

Birdie flew up to them (mostly in fear) when the parents started chirping to each other. What they were arguing about was whose fault was it that their child turned out so bad. Hanging out with crazy people like Amy…what was Birdie thinking?

Just then, the argument escalated into a fight between the parents. As they pecked at each other fiercely, Amy sighed with happiness, saying "They must be in so much love…"

Zero jumped onto the scene, saw what was happening, and hit Birdie with a punch shot out of Zero's arm, succeeding in keeping the child away from this problem. Zero saw how far he had hit Birdie, and commented "Wow...I would good at Badminton! But now to the current problem…"

Amy turned and shouted at Zero "How could you do this? Getting Birdie out of harm's way?"

Zero replied "I just did. Now I shall resolve this domestic dispute by putting these two birds under citizen's arrest, and then we shall contact the proper authorities to sort them out."

Amy drew out her hammer and hit Zero, saying "No way! I shall destroy you for trying to do an honest thing, stalker!"

Zero replied "You're calling me a stalker? You must be finished, fan girl!" And so the battle began. Zero first set up an electric fence around the central platform, saying "Now I shall show my intelligence in battle by setting up the one thing that could potentially destroy me in this fight! And I'll never take it down, even if it seems to be killing me!"

Zero's first devastating attack…was to hop around like a bunny! This did send vibrations that could hurt anyone standing on the ground, but it looked stupid. THE PLAYER is too busy laughing to notice Amy getting her ass kicked.

Finally, Amy took control and hit Zero with her hammer, sending him flying back into the electric fence. After being zapped, Zero fell down, now being completely stunned.

Amy said "Do I smell something burning? Hmmm…now I'm thirsty! But where do I drink from?" She looked at Zero's shape, thought about it for a second, then said "Mr. Giant Soda Can!"

She jumped onto Zero and pried open his top…to find no soda in it. Instead it was Zero main control computer, which was vital for Zero's survival. Amy's first reaction to this was laughter. "Ha…he's bald! Couldn't you find a toupee?"

Zero blushed, saying "No. There weren't any spare ones on the Egg Carrier!"

Amy continued laughing, then said "Alright, alright…I guess I have to start killing you!" She hit the "brain" once with her hammer, then was knocked off by Zero as he closed his lid again.

Zero then went to the middle of the field and shot out his arms to their full length, which happened to be the diameter of the platform. How convenient! Zero then spun around his arms, forcing Amy to jump over the lines that make his arms like jump ropes. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

As Amy was jumping, she was saying "1 and 2 and count to 3, how many times will I kidnap my bishie? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...' and so on. With the motivation of thinking about Sonic on her side, she had no problem jumping over them all. When THE PLAYER attempts to do this while controlling her, it's pretty much impossible.

Some frustrations later, Amy finally opened Zero's lid and destroyed his "brain" with the last hit it could take, causing Zero to blow up. As Zero died, THE PLAYER is sobbing, saying "He was a good robot…much better than Beta or Gamma or anyone else in this game! This generic villain shall be missed…"

With Zero's death, Amy approached the wounded Birdie and told it "Get up! Please start flying again, Birdie! Defy gravity like the rest of us Sonic characters do in these games!"

Birdie, after some struggle, finally flew up with his family. The two birds up there were still arguing, and THE PLAYER comments "That little bird is going to grow up with a lot of issues…"

Afterwards, Amy started leaving the Egg Carrier, saying "Time for my rant to sum it all up! Now that I've done my own adventure, I'll be able to stand up to Sonic! And by the time he realizes this, it will be too late!" She then started laughing maniacally, exactly like the type of evil laugh heard by any villain in a horror movie. THE PLAYER is scared.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Mystic Ruins jungle, Big the Cat was celebrating his and Froggy's survival from crashing the Tornado into the jungle. Defying pure logic, Froggy was still hanging around with Big. This was because Froggy had become permanently brain damaged from his time spent being drowned by the water inside Chaos. The poor bastard…

Anyways, Big was right then celebrating by standing on top of the temple in the middle of the jungle and doing what looked like a bunch of pimp gestures. THE PLAYER is confused, and assumes that Big must have found some imaginary girlfriends. This probably isn't far from the truth.

* * *

At another part of the Mystic Ruins, Knuckles finally reached the broken Master Emerald on Angel Island. He first looked at the hole in the Master Emerald, then tried to fit one of his new Chaos Emeralds into the hole. When the first one didn't work, he tried to fit in another Chaos Emerald that was the exact size and shape as the first one.

Once discovering that this somehow didn't work, he finally knew what to do…try to put in a third Chaos Emerald that was the exact size and shape of the other two! Imagine his shock when this didn't work either.

Finally, the Master Emerald got bored with this and summoned the remaining pieces of the Master Emerald out of Knuckles. The pieces floated up, then flew right in to seal up the hole on the Master Emerald. Now complete, the Master Emerald started glowing, causing Angel Island to break off from the mainland and start rising from the sea into the sky above.

* * *

Nearby this, a certain teenage boy named Sora and his beloved childhood friend Kairi had found each other at last. Sora rushed up to Kairi, still tired from his defeat of Ansem a minute ago, and was about to embrace her when the ground started breaking between them.

Sora shouted "Aw, come on! What (bleep)head caused this island to suddenly start breaking away?" Although he didn't know it, the answer was a certain red echidna.

Kairi then shouted to Sora "I'll never forget you! I'll be waiting here for you!" She then noticed a shiny object on the ground and said "Hey...what's this?"

Sora yelled "Aw (bleep)! My keys! What will I do without them? This is going to suck for me…"

Kairi said "You think that sacrifice is hard? I'll have to be waiting here with everyone else for you! It'll be hard to resist others…but I'll try!"

Sora rolled his eyes and said "Oh, you think that's hard? I'll have to put up with them!" indicating to Donald and Goofy nearby, who were both currently engaged in a fight over a penny they found on the ground.

Kairi responded "So it's going to be like that, huh? Well, then…maybe I'll break into your house while you're gone and steal your teddy bear!"

Sora shouted across the widening gap "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"

Kairi grinned and said "Watch me!"

Sora then said "I HATE YOU! When I get back here, I'll make sure to burn your Britney Spears records!"

Kairi gasped and said "You bastard! Why would you do that?"

Sora shouted "I've got some news for you: You're a bitch!"

Kairi shouted back "Well, I've got some news for you: I'm pregnant!" This caused an awkward silence for the next twenty seconds.

After this silence, Sora said with a weak tone "But…but that was one time! And you said you were taking the pill!"

Kairi responded "Well, I lied!"

The next scene showed Sora running past Donald and Goofy toward the Gummy Ship, shouting "RUN! Let's get away from this place…far away!"

* * *

Back on the now-floating Angel Island, Knuckles saw a flying ship made out of gummies pass by him at an unusually fast speed, but ignored it. Instead, he looked at the Master Emerald and finally realized something: the hole was gone. Knuckles shouted "NO! You (bleep)blocker!" Now he would be stuck as a lonely echidna forever and ever and ever...or, until SEGA got bored and decided to come up with some other bullcrap twist to get him off the island!

* * *

Several days later, in some remote area, Eggman and several robots were attending the funeral for Gamma. A robot went onto a podium and began reading Gamma's will.

It said "To those who are here: If you are hearing this, then this means I am gone. But remember: I died for your sins."

THE PLAYER shouts "You're not Optijesus Prime! Don't you dare compare yourself to him!"

The will then got to the good part: "Now for the distribution of possessions. To Pi-B7: You shall get that oil can you always wanted. To Theta X-117: You shall get any bolt of mine you want. To Dr. Robotnik…"

Eggman looked up with glee at what could be given to him.

The will continued "A boot to the head."

One of the robots kicked Eggman in the head, causing him to shout "OWCH! Damn it…"

The will continued "To Kappa O-61: You shall get the new gun I was showing off that day we all got drunk on electricity. Remember. Hehe…And now, to Dr. Robotnik: Another boot to the head."

Another robot promptly kicked Eggman in the head. He started grumbling, and was now hoping for this funeral to end soon.

The will continued "For Mega Phi P-82: You shall receive a new wardrobe of my old armor. Oh, and let's give Dr. Robotnik another boot to the head."

Eggman ducked, but still got kicked in the head by one of his miniature robots. He muttered "I hate this set of Monty Python jokes…"

* * *

**I have to admit…I had a lot of fun writing this chapter! And to those who haven't played Sonic Adventure: The funeral scene was completely made up by me! So don't spazz out if you don't find information on Gamma's funeral in Sonic Adventure, okay?**

**Anyways…as usual, tell me what your favorite jokes were in this chapter! And I would also like to start hearing what are your favorite characters from this whole parody! I'm just curiously wondering what characters I wrote well in this…**


	22. Indiana Sonic

**Many lawsuits from George Lucas later, has SEGA finally learned to stop ripping off his movies?…Apparently not.**

* * *

Sonic's fall from the Egg Carrier had landed him in the middle of the jungle in the Mystic Ruins. Despite the fact that he fell from thousands of meters above, he still turned out just fine, with no broken bones or blood loss or even a bruise or cut. To add to the confusion, Sonic landed by flattening into a puddle on the ground and then springing up to his normal shape, causing THE PLAYER to wonder when did Sonic become made of Jell-O.

As Sonic started thinking about his failure to simply catch an obese man in a little flying pod thing, he noticed Navi the fairy nearby. Navi shouted "Hey! Watch out!", and flew over to the central temple nearby, which was now opening up. Navi flew in the entrance, indicating that Sonic should follow.

However, the idiot just said "That fairy's been extremely annoying this whole time! I'd better go in after it and rip it's wings out!" And so Sonic charged into the temple with hostile intent, completely ignoring any other important events that might be going on at the time(like perhaps Station Square being under attack from a nuclear missile. But what are the chances of that happening?).

Upon entering the level, Sonic started doing the usual routine of grabbing rings along the way through the level. THE PLAYER is saying "Hey…that's stealing precious artifacts!"

Sonic replied "Exactly! Remember, kids…temple robbing is a fun activity!" Sonic then put on his Indiana Jones hat while the theme song of that movie started playing in the background.

Sonic next came across a cylindrical passage that was rotating with flaming blocks jutting into the side. While THE PLAYER is confused as to how a primitive echidna tribe could have built something so elaborate, Sonic charged into the passage, singing as he went "I fell into a burning ring of fire…I went down, down, down, and the flames went higher…and it burns, burns, burns...the ring of fire!"

One Johnny Cash song later, Sonic got through the fire corridor and the Indiana Jones music started playing again. Unfortunately he reached a room with a giant wooden snake treading through a pool of water.

THE PLAYER says "Hmm...so if Sonic hates water, and Indiana Jones hates snakes, what better obstacle for him to face than water snakes?"

In this room, Sonic had to go around and step on various buttons to open a door and raise the water level. THE PLAYER soon asks "Why are there all of these buttons to step on? What is this, a giant ancient DDR?"

Much stepping around later, Sonic went through the door and found a dark room filled with pits and mirrors. What he had to do was use some nearby lights to light up the mirrors, revealing where the pits were.

As Sonic pulled the first light up to a mirror, THE PLAYER shouts "Don't look directly in the mirror or you'll blind yourself-" but it was too late. Sonic was stumbling around blind, and he fell into one of the pits.

Many lost lives later, Sonic finally got through the room. The next place was a hallway sloping down, but as Sonic entered the door shut behind him. THE PLAYER asks "Are we done ripping off Indiana Jones yet?"

Just then a boulder suddenly started rolling behind Sonic, who started running for the exit. Suddenly the background music changed from the Indiana Jones theme to the theme song for the game Katamari Damacy (for those who don't know, it's a game where you have to roll over objects with a ball). Sonic shouted "Aw, come on! That Yugioh: Abridged joke is just CRUEL!"

The music switched back to the Indiana Jones theme song, and Sonic went back to his egotistical self by outrunning the boulder to the exit just in time. He then reached the most fearsome obstacle of all…a water slide. As THE PLAYER started walking Sonic into it, Sonic was shouting "No, no, no ,no, NO-AUGH!", and the blue thing went down for the ride.

Some screaming and crying for his mommy later, Sonic was finally dumped out of a waterfall and landed on some ground. He was silent for a few seconds, the said "I want to go again!" THE PLAYER rolls his/her eyes and has Sonic continue through the level.

Finally, Sonic reached the giant room that Knuckles had been in for his part of the level. Sonic stepped on a nearby button, and it moved some wall tiles around. After hitting the button enough times, the wall tiles closest to him started glowing.

He walked up to the glowing tiles, saying "Oooooh…Shiny!" As he touched the wall tile closest to the floor, Sonic was suddenly lifted up magically onto the wall tiles. Upon realizing that he could now walk on the wall at the parts where it was glowing he said "Cool! I'm just like Spiderman!"

He tried to jump and swing a web, but just fell off the wall and hit the floor really hard. Fortunately, there was no brain to damage. Some wall-walking later, Sonic reached a high ledge which was connected by a path of rings to the way out of that room. He did the Light Speed attack to go through the path, shouting "Now I'm just like Neo!" as he flew out the exit of the room.

He then attempted a wall run, but just hit the floor again. Finally, he did some ridiculous spinning to get into the final room of the temple, where Navi was waiting for him. As Sonic stormed in, he shouted "Alright…where are you, Lost Ark/Holy Grail/aliens? Seriously, aliens? What were they thinking?"

Navi just kept randomly shouting "Hey! Listen! Look!" before flying up to a painting on a stone tablet at the far wall of the room. On this painting, a monster was shown destroying a city.

Sonic approached the painting and said "I went through that whole (bleep)ing level just so I could see a giant rock? That's all the level was for? This sucks!" Navi got pissed at Sonic's reaction, and was about to send him into a vision when George Lucas burst into the room.

George Lucas was panting angrily, and he shouted "That is IT! An Indiana Jones level?! I have had enough of your idiotic franchise stealing from my films!" He then tackled Sonic and started beating the crap out of the hedgehog when Navi safely teleported Sonic away into the vision.

This time, the Master Emerald shrine was in flames while Tikal was lying unconscious nearby. Yami Yugi from Yugioh: Abridged randomly appeared and shouted "Burn! Burn it all down to the ground!" before disappearing.

THE PLAYER says "Why do I have a sense of déjà vu? Wait a minute…Knuckles already had this vision! Why would SEGA repeat the same vision again? Unless…" He/she gasps and says "They must have run out on the animation budget! So now they're having to use stock footage to keep the story going!"

Sonic headed over to the unconscious Tikal, asking "Why would a hippie become an arsonist? That makes no sense!"

Tikal woke up and replied "I didn't start that fire, you idiot! It was-wait a minute, is the shrine ON FIRE?" As she looked at the shrine to confirm this, she shouted "Oh no…my pot stash is in trouble!" As Tikal hurried up the shrine's steps, the vision ended at the same point as before.

* * *

**Will SEGA get the necessary money to move out of using stock footage? What, you think I'm going to tell you right now? Oh, so that's just what you assume, huh? Well, maybe I won't tell you right now! Maybe I'll just end the chapter at this very moment!**


	23. The Fight Over Nothing

In this chapter, Sonic barges into an old man's home and beats him up! What a great hero…

* * *

The heads of SEGA were scrambling around, trying to find the necessary money to continue the game. Finally, one of the heads found his piggy bank, saving them all!

With this triumphant development, they discussed how they should end Sonic's story. One head said "Maybe we should give him a compelling plot, with round characters and hidden themes all over the place!"

Another head said "I have a better idea…let's give him a completely pointless subplot with a final level that uses as many flashy special effects as possible!"

They all responded "GENIUS!" and went to work.

With a flash, Sonic was transported outside of the central temple in the Mystic Ruins jungle. He noticed it was now the evening, and he said "Man, that was fun…watching that vision, and then helping that chick by standing in place and doing absolutely nothing!"

Suddenly, Eggman flew past Sonic in his Eggmobile. THE PLAYER says "Stop right there…WHOA! What's going on here? Aren't you supposed to be in Station Square at this time?"

Eggman asked "What do you mean?"

THE PLAYER says "You know…the whole trying to blow up the city, getting your ass kicked by Tails thing?"

Eggman responded "Oh, that! Well, the reason I am here at the same time as there is because of my newest weapon…the Egg Plot Inconsistency!"

Sonic shouted "You monster! Now this game won't make sense to anyone playing it!"

THE PLAYER asks "A game about a walking, talking blue hedgehog collecting rings and colored rocks not making sense? No way!"

Eggman flew off to his base laughing, and Sonic said "I'll kick his ass for this! I guess I'll have to follow him to find his base!" while walking past a "EGGMAN'S SUPER ULTRA SECRET BASE-THIS WAY" sign.

Inside the base, Sonic found the entrance of the level sealed, with what looked like a DDR in front of it. THE0P LAYER shouts "Are you kidding? A (bleep)ing DDR is the entrance? What were the makers of this game thinking?"

One round of dancing later, all of the buttons on the floor were finally lit, causing the entrance to open. Inside the level, Sonic found a new kind of robot that could separate their heads and create a beam to stun someone before attacking them. Aslo, there were giant metal claws that came down from the ceiling to grab anyone below.

As Sonic dodged these obstacles, he shouted 'This level is sounding more and more like a bad hentai!"

Next, Sonic reached a room with giant treadmills above pits. As Sonic wondered why the treadmills were so big, THE PLAYER answers "Of course! This must be the only way that anyone can get Eggman to lose weight!"

Sonic jumped across those, then reached some giant spinning cylinders that looked similar to the type found in fun houses. THE PLAYER says "Welcome to Eggman's fun house of death!"

One round of going through these cylinders and singing "Spin Me Right Round" later, Sonic reached a huge, tall room that looked similar to the Senate room in Star Wars. In fact, Yoda and the Sith Lord were currently battling nearby.

Ignoring this, Sonic went through the giant room, going further and further down past many obstacles and enemies in order to finally reach the ground. As he kissed the ground with joy, he stepped on nearby button.

This button caused the floor to open up, revealing even more of this giant room. Sonic shouted "DAMN IT!" before heading further down again.

At the bottom of this part of the room, Sonic reached an area that looked like a construction zone. In fact, as he went through there he was immediately ticketed for speeding in a construction zone. As he went down the elevator in this area, he grumbled and threw the ticket away.

Much later, Sonic reached a room filled with what looked like giant robotic beanie babies. Just as Sonic went up to one and hugged it, the thing blew up in his face.

THE PLAYER shouts "Ack! Suicide bombers!" and has Sonic run through the room quickly. Meanwhile, the beanie babies pursued him…and pursued him…and pursued him until they became the scariest things in this whole game.

After escaping the suicidal things, Sonic went through a giant pipe and reached another huge room…only this time, he had to fall down and land on a platform before a giant fan at the bottom could kill him.

Then the physics-defying really began, as he flew from small fan to small fan to stay afloat while heading over to another platform. THE PLAYER says "Wow…those would have to be some really fast fans to be able to do that! Like, past any physically possible speed!"

As Sonic neared the end of the level, the plushie versions of him, Tails, and Knuckles popped up in front of him. He shouted "Die, you monsters!" and went to tearing up the harmless plushies.

After destroying all three, he said "Man, I hate those guys…especially that blue guy! What a jerk!" Sonic then sped off to the very end of the level, where Eggman was waiting.

Eggman was sitting on a giant machine when Sonic, and the doctor said "Oh-ho! I didn't expect you to get this far, Sonic!"

THE PLAYER asks "If that's true…then why did you build that huge-ass machine that you're now going to fight him with? The fact that you had to put tons of resources and time into this means that you must've actually expected something like this to happen!""

Eggman replied "Shut up! Well, shall we get on with our boss fight or what?" He pressed a button, and the machine unraveled itself to become the Egg Viper, a giant robot flying snake that could shoot lazers.

THE PLAYER asks "A giant robot flying snake that shoots lazers?! Are you kidding me? Do you know how stupid that sounds?"

Meanwhile, Sonic was shuddering, saying "I hate snakes…"

THE PLAYER says "But you're no longer ripping off Indiana Jones!"

Sonic snapped out of it and said "Oh yeah, that's right! Then yeah, I can totally kick Eggman's ass!" He then grabbed onto a nearby conveniently located rocket and flew up to a series of platforms where the Egg Viper was flying in between.

Eggman said "And now I shall use my best weapon for this fight…my catchphrases! Get a load of this!", and then he fired a round of lazers at Sonic. Luckily, Sonic knew to do a barrel roll in order to dodge these.

One Shoop da Viper later, Sonic shouted "I've had enough of 'Get a load of this'! That catchphrase is already old and boring!"

Eggman shouted back "Okay, how about….say hello to my little friend!" before firing another round of lazers that Sonic dodged.

Sonic shouted back "Scarface's catchphrase? It's even worse to rip-off other catchphrases!"

Eggman shrieked and said "Fine! How about I just kill you?" He then stretched out the Egg Viper and started charging up his big lazer.

With the Shoop da Whoop face already appearing on the front of the Egg Viper, Sonic realized that he had little time. He jumped from portion to portion of the Viper, finally hitting the cockpit to do damage.

Just as Eggman shouted "I can't believe this!", Sonic shushed Eggman for using his other lame catchphrase in this game.

A few hits later, Eggman angrily shouted "All systems full power!" and engaged his full power mode…by eating a burger. He rammed the Egg Viper through one of the two series of platforms, but didn't destroy the series of platforms that Sonic was on. Instead, he chose to take them out two at a time.

THE PLAYER asks "Why are you making it slow? Just charge through them all quickly like you did with the other series of platforms!"

Eggman responded "That wouldn't be dramatic enough!" and pressed a button which caused two spiked wheels to pull out of the Egg Viper. After a few seconds, they launched at Sonic.

Sonic muttered to himself "Okay, remember the five D's of Dodgeball…dodge, duck, dip, dive, and…um…dodge!" He jumped up and landed on top of one of the wheels.

As the wheel flew back to the Egg Viper, Sonic jumped up and hit the cockpit yet again. Eggman continued with this pattern until Sonic gave the machine its final blow. With this, the Egg Viper started moving around randomly while parts of it were blowing up.

Just then, Navi flew in and said "Hey! It looks like Eggman might be up to something-", but was swatted at by an angry Sonic. While Sonic was busy trying to kill Navi for good, Eggman made his last desperate charge at Sonic with his machine. But since Sonic had leapt after Navi in a distracted attempt to kill the fairy, Eggman missed and the Egg Viper fell to its doom.

Some time later, Sonic was near Tails' workshop in the Mystic Ruins when he saw Eggman fly away like the usual chicken he was. As Sonic was about to get out of the boring place, Tails flew in.

The theme music suddenly changed to Tails' theme, and Sonic shouted "Hey! My theme's better than yours!"

As the music changed back to Sonic's theme, Tails replied "No it isn't! Mine totally beats the crap out of your theme song!"

With the song changing again to Tails' theme, Sonic shouted "Are you kidding me? Yours is sung by a chick, only making your gender more confusing!" The music again changed back to Sonic's theme.

Tails landed in front of Sonic and said "Oh yeah? Well, at least I was saving Station Square from imminent destruction! And what were you doing during that time?"

THE PLAYER says "He was playing as Indiana Jones." Sonic went over to a corner and started crying about this fact. Then, he finally made his decision.

Just as ALL YAOI FAN GIRLS start begging Sonic and Tails to kiss, Sonic said "That's it, I'm killing myself!"

Tails said "Me too! Let's die together!" And so they both ran off a random cliff, doing some weird gestures while falling. Unfortunately, the writing staff at SEGA realized that they still needed to do a final story for this game, so they had Sonic and Tails somehow survive this fall.

* * *

**How will I tease the last story, with its incredible lack of action? We shall see…oh, and I'd also like to start hearing what your favorite chapters in the parody are alongside the favorite lines, characters, and sections! I did different things with different chapters ,and I want to know what chapters worked well!**


	24. 4Kids Returns!

**And now the two-part finale begins!**

* * *

After the six stories were completed, a new option appeared on the selection screen for the last story. It was symbolized by a question mark, causing THE PPLAYER to say "Cool! I get to play as a question mark!" before choosing it.

The story started by showing a random image of the crashed Tornado, followed by the writers realizing that people didn't care about Tails' plane.

The next scene showed Eggman flying through the jungle on his Eggmobile, angry about his recent loss to Sonic. In fact, he grumbled "That damn kid just wouldn't get off my lawn…" Just then, he noticed a puddle of water moving toward him. Eggman said "Is that…a plot twist ahead?" before the scene abruptly ended.

The next scene showed Angel Island falling to the ocean AGAIN, with Tom Petty's "Free Falling" playing in the background as it did so. After the island hit the water, Knuckles asked "Why is the island falling if the Master Emerald is restored? This doesn't make sense!"

THE PLAYER responds "Does anything in this game make any sense?"

Knuckles then said "Maybe it has something to do with those six Chaos Emeralds I brought back with me…"

THE PLAYER then asks "But if it's because of the Chaos Emeralds, then why did the island rise in the first place? Oh well…SEGA will probably explain everything at some point in this story. After all, could you imagine them leaving us in the dark about this? Moving the story to some other plot and completely ignoring this mystery forever?" And so they both laughed at this thought.

Knuckles then said "Oh well. I guess I'll ask Sonic about it."

THE PLAYER says "Yes. Trust the blue hedgehog that probably uses drugs."

Just then, a crash was heard on the island. Knuckles turned around and saw Eggman lying on the ground with his crashed Eggmobile next to him. Eggman declared "It is implied that I have been beaten up badly!"

Knuckles responded "Implied? What monster would cut out the awesome action of Eggman getting his ass kicked?"

Eggman just muttered "Chaos…4Kids…Chaos…"

While Knuckles was busy laughing at Eggman being beat up, the moving puddle of water appeared behind Knuckles….and the scene abruptly ended there.

Meanwhile, Sonic was sleeping under a tree by the Mystic Ruins train station. The game wouldn't show what he was dreaming of because it involved him doing…naughty things…to some sexy women. Just then, Tails ran over to Sonic and shouted for him to wake up.

Sonic was still asleep, and replied "Yeah, you'd like that, huh? Don't you, bitch?"

Tails angrily sprayed a garden hose in Sonic's face to wake him up, but this didn't work either. Sonic just said "Yeah, baby! This is why I like it oral!"

Tails finally just kicked Sonic in the crotch, causing Sonic to wake up and shout "Bitch-I mean, Tails!"

Tails pulled out a pocketknife and held it to Sonic's throat, saying "Don't you ever call me 'bitch' again, you hear? YOU MOTHER(bleep)ING HEAR?"

Sonic said "Alright, alright…so, what's going on? It surely can't be any scenario involving the near-end of the world that forces me to turn into my Super form to save the day from a super-powerful final boss! After all, that's only happened at the end of ALMOST EVERY SONIC GAME!"

Tails said "I was searching through the jungle for my plane when I saw Angel Island crashing again nearby!"

Sonic replied "Damn it! Well, I shouldn't be too surprised…after all, this is Knuckles guarding it!" They then got up and headed to Angel Island.

Upon arriving, they found Knuckles and Eggman both unconscious on the ground. As they woke up Knuckles, he said "It is implied that we have been beaten up!"

Sonic asked "Implied violence? What's this bull(bleep) about?"

Knuckles then said "Sonic…the Chaos Emeralds have been taken! And Chaos is still alive!"

Sonic said "Aw, come on! How much ass-kicking can one water creature take?"

Tails asked "But…then why did Chaos attack Eggman?"

Knuckles replied "Isn't it obvious? Chaos has a new master, one so evil and powerful that they could cut out the action scenes from this story!"

Sonic said "…4Kids!" before running around screaming. He shouted "I don't want to be gruesomely censored! I don't wanna!"

Just then, Eggman got up and shouted "I can't believe this!", causing everyone to boo at him. Eggman then jumped in his Eggmobile and took off in it.

Tails ran up to Eggman, saying "Wait for us!"

Eggman then flew off, saying "Rejected! I need my own screen time as I defeat Chaos with my new, completely original secret weapon!"

Just then, Navi showed up again to give Sonic another vision. This time, Sonic was brought back to the Master Emerald shrine a few minutes before it was set on fire. In front of the shrine was a stereotypical torch-wielding mob of echidnas led by…um…Steve. Tikal was standing between this group and the Master Emerald shrine.

One of the echidnas in the group shouted "Burn the witch!"

Tikal shouted "I won't let you through, father!"

Steve responded "Tikal, we need those Chaos Emeralds to protect our tribe. POWER TO THE PEOPLE!"

Tikal said "No way, man! Once you have the Chaos Emeralds, you'll only want more and will continue fighting…and stuff!"

Steve then said "If you won't step aside, we'll have to go through you. I don't want to do this, but I will if I must."

One echidna shouted "Let's have her be a virgin sacrifice!"

Another echidna in the group shouted "Burn the witch!"

Tikal responded "Whoa! What are you talking about? I'm not a virgin!", causing all of the echidnas in the group to roll over laughing at this funny joke.

One of the echidnas in the mob then shouted "Burn the witch!" again.

All of the Chao then stood next to Tikal, who said "Like, I'm not stepping aside! I won't let the cycle of violence continue!"

Steve shouted "Bah, I don't listen to hippies! After all, when has listening to what others have to say helped? Let's re-enact Kent State to the best that we can! CHARGE!" and so the mob stormed through Tikal and the rest of the Chao, kicking them all aside. Afterwards, they ran up the shrine's steps, burning what they could find for no reason.

Just as the mob reached the top of the steps leading to the Master Emerald, the Chaos Emeralds circled around it while glowing, and Chaos appeared between the mob and the Master Emerald. Then, there was a flash of light followed by the mob screaming "It is implied that we are being killed!"

Sonic said "Oh no…4Kids has even made it this far back!" And then, the stock footage began again.

As the Master Emerald shrine was now in flames with Tikal lying unconscious nearby, Yami Yugi from Yugioh: Abridged appeared and said "Burn! Burn it all down to the ground" before disappearing.

Sonic then kicked Tikal to wake her up, saying "Let's get this over with already!"

Tikal saw the shrine on fire and gasped, saying "Oh no! My-"

Sonic interrupted "-pot stash is in trouble, I know! Just get going already!"

Tikal ran up to the Master Emerald, saying "No pot? Damn it! 4Kids must have censored it away! We have to stop 4Kids and Chaos!"

The Master Emerald started glowing, and Tikal said "I have an idea! Let's seal them in the Master Emerald and make them someone else's problem! HOORAY FOR SHORT-TERM THINKING!" So a flash was created, and the vision ended.

Sonic woke up on Angel Island again, with Tails shouting "Wake up, you lazy bastard!" before kicking him in the crotch yet again.

After staggering for a while, Sonic finally got up and said "OW! Sorry! I just sort of conked out…like that time I took that acid you gave me!"

Tails looked around and said "Yeah…acid…"

Sonic asked "Why are you looking so nervous, Tails?"

Tails said "Um…Lets go get the last Chaos Emerald! And I totally wasn't the guy that robbed your place while you were unconscious that time, nor did I slip you any downers that time!"

Sonic said "O…kay." before heading with Tails into the jungle portion of the Mystic Ruins.

Once there, they immediately encountered the crashed Tornado with the last Chaos Emerald still in it. Just as they ran up to get it, a stream of water shot up from the river nearby and grabbed the Emerald.

The words EPIC FAIL appeared on the bottom of the screen, and Tails shouted "NO! Chaos got it? But that means…4Kids now has complete control!"

Sonic looked around, then shrugged and said "Well, we're (bleep)ed!"

* * *

**Part 2 shall come out soon! And then…this game parody will truly be over! Please start telling me your favorite jokes of the whole parody, so that I can improve my writing style by knowing what to focus on more!**


	25. The Stupidity Ends?

**It's the end of the parody as we know it…it's the end of the parody as we know it…it's the end of the parody as we know it…and I feel fine!**

* * *

As Sonic and Tails arrived at Station Square's train station, they were greeted by a random guy in a tuxedo who said "I will be your tour guide today! Welcome, all of you, to the number 1 waterpark in the country! Yes, I'm talking about…the Station Square Waterpark!"

Tails asked "Umm…excuse me? I don't remember a waterpark being here!"

The tour guide grinned and said "Good question! Why, just look outside!"

Sonic opened the train station doors and was greeted by a torrent of water that burst through the open doors and flooded the train station until it looked like a scene from the movie Titanic.

Tails pulled Sonic out of the water and onto the second level of the station. Due to his fear of water being brought back into him, Sonic was now in the fetal position .

A few minutes of rolling around in the fetal position later, Sonic finally got up and looked at the flooded place. He then looked out a window and gasped when he saw that the whole city had been flooded.

The tour guy said "Now do you see why this is the Station Square Waterpark?"

THE PLAYER says "Whoa…SEGA is psychic! How did they see Hurricane Katrina coming seven years ahead of time?"

Tails asked "How did this happen? It certainly has nothing to do with that evil water monster that just recently acquired some ultimate power!"

About an hour earlier, the city of Station Square was acting normally when suddenly some water started rising in the sewers below. It rose, going higher and higher until the drains suddenly burst open in the middle of the streets. THE PLAYER comments "So that's what happens when you flush the toilet while the shower is on!"

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were thrown out of a sewer drain, shouting "Cowamother(bleep)ingbunga!" as they were shot far out of the city.

Meanwhile, the writers had become bored with burning everything in the last chapter, so they chose to flood everything instead. A giant tidal wave came in and completely flooded the whole city.

Back in the present time, some windows broke on a nearby building, with water pouring out of them. This water suddenly combined to form the head of Perfect Chaos. It tried to roar, but all that came out was a tiny "aroo…".

As Sonic went outside and looked at the giant Perfect Chaos, the words REJECTED CLOVERFIELD MONSTER DESIGN appeared on the bottom of the screen. THE PLAYER says "But…that face looks the exact same as the Cloverfield monster's!"

REJECTED was then deleted from the screen and replaced by ACCEPTED. Just then, a giant flying ship arrived and started going past the sunken buildings of Station Square. Inside the cockpit, Eggman said "This secret weapon-the Egg Carrier 2- was designed for emergencies such as this! 4Kids shall be stopped!"

Just as Eggman was about to fire a laser at Perfect Chaos, the God of Destruction fired a Shoop da Whoop lazer out of its mouth, which hit the Egg Carrier 2 and sent it crashing into the water below. As Eggman was screaming "How could my ship be defeated so easily?", he noticed the tag MADE IN KOREA on the ship's control panel.

The Egg Carrier 2 fell behind some buildings and a vibration was felt coming from behind there. Eggman suddenly zoomed past Sonic in his Eggmobile, shouting "It is implied that my Egg Carrier 2 has been blown up!"

Sonic said "Oh no…Shoop da Whoop is on Chaos and 4Kids' side! What can we do now? If 4Kids continues their foul reign, we will only have horribly stereotyped voices, clichéd lines, and heavily edited action sequences from now on!"

Just then, Navi flew in again saying its usual catchphrase of "Hey! Listen!". Suddenly Navi created a flash and revealed herself to be Tikal this whole time.

As Sonic gasped in shock, Tikal said "Chaos must totally be stopped! Otherwise it will destroy the world like it did before!"

THE PLAYER says "Hold on a second…that last statement makes no sense! If Chaos actually destroyed the world before, then the world wouldn't be existing right now! You can't destroy something twice! If it's destroyed, then it's gone!"

Tikal paused, then muttered "Shut up."

Sonic asked "Well, what do we do then?"

Tikal sighed, then said "Um…oh! We'll have to seal Chaos inside the Master Emerald again and make Chaos a problem for someone else in the future! Yeah! Once again, we have short-term thinking to the rescue!"

Sonic said "Wait a second…all of our problems in this game have been your fault in the first place!"

Tikal asked "What are you talking about?"

Sonic then said "You're the one who sealed Chaos into the Master Emerald in the first place, dumping this problem on us! Also, while Station Square was under the threat of a nuclear weapon, you had me go through that whole (bleep)ing temple in the Mystic Ruins just so I could see a (bleep)ing rock! And finally…if you hadn't distracted me with that vision last chapter, Tails and I would have gotten to the seventh Chaos Emerald before Chaos, which would have prevented any of THIS happening! In fact, I should be kicking YOUR ass right now!"

Tikal grumbled, then said "Well, we have no other choice at this point! Not unless some random plot device happens to time itself perfectly now…"

Just then, said random plot device occurred as Perfect Chaos sent the seven Chaos Emeralds flying in separate directions, having fully absorbed their negative energy. Sonic picked up one that landed next to him, and Tails said "I've got a plan! Since Chaos only used the negative energy, we can still use the positive energy in these emeralds to fight back!"

Sonic asked "Are you sure this will work?"

Tails replied "As long as all of us use our positive feelings towards each other, nothing can stand in the way!"

Sonic looked away with his eyes shifting and said "Yeah…'positive' feelings towards each other…" Just then, a crowd had started forming nearby and started booing at Sonic.

When Sonic gave them the finger, the crowd grabbed some Chaos Emeralds and decided to try stoning him to death by throwing them at him.

As Sonic was hit by a couple of them in the head, he said "OW! OW!"

Tails looked in the crowd and asked "Why are you throwing them at him, Knuckles?"

Knuckles replied "I don't know!" before angrily throwing another Chaos Emerald at Sonic. This time, it hit Sonic in a more…sensitive spot. As Sonic was crying in the fetal position, Tails rolled his eyes and had Amy and Big go get the last two Chaos Emeralds around the city. That was their only role in this whole story

THE PLAYER asks "What? SEGA didn't even bother to explain what the hell Big is doing here instead of at his home in the Mystic Ruins jungle! Man, 4Kids is really killing the continuity here…"

With all seven Chaos Emeralds in Sonic's possession, he stood up and used them to turn into Super Sonic. As he commented "This is nothing like the Super Saiyans from Dragonball Z!", the crowd started booing at him again.

Super Sonic floated over the water and faced Perfect Chaos. He opened his mouth, and was about to speak when the game paused and a voice said "If you want to see Sonic to win the fight, favorite this fic. Or if you want to see Sonic to get his ass kicked in this fight, favorite this fic. Or if you want to see Tikal strip down naked and dance around a little, you need to get laid. And favorite this fic."

The Final Jeopardy music played in the background for a few minutes, then the game unpaused and Tikal said "Why is it so hot around here? I guess I'll have to take off my clothes and move around to cool down-"

Super Sonic shouted "Stop with the Zelda: Abridged jokes and get to the fight! I can't let her steal my screen time!"

THE PLAYER says "I wonder whether this fight will attempt to use as many flashy special effects as possible…", which is quickly answered.

Super Sonic charged at Perfect Chaos, so the God of Destruction started firing its Shoop da Whoop lazers at Super Sonic. The golden hedgehog used a barrel roll to dodge these lazers, and kept going until he reached the speed of lightning. He then dived into Perfect Chaos and zoomed up to Perfect Chaos' head to do damage to it by blowing up the head.

Perfect Chaos dissipated, then reformed elsewhere in the city. THE PLAYER comments "Well, SEGA succeeded in that aspect! Hooray for using more money on flashy special effects in this fight…and having Sonic do basically nothing else in this story!"

To add to the special effects budget, Perfect Chaos started spouting out fireballs and summoning cyclones to get in Super Sonic's way. THE PLAYER then starts to notice the time limit in the corner that only increases with rings, and he/she says "(bleep)!"

After miraculously pulling off two more hits, Chaos' health bar was wiped out. Just as THE PLAYER makes a sigh of relief, Perfect Chaos suddenly popped up again, this time with another health bar. THE PLAYER shouts "Two health bars? Why didn't they just have one health bar with six hits? That's a cruel joke, SEGA!'

Just as Super Sonic prepared to charge at Perfect Chaos, he was hit by a fast-moving punch. As he staggered back from it, he realized that Goku from Dragonball Z had punched him.

Goku said " Super Sonic? And you're golden while in this form? Are you kidding me? Well, I shall stop this blatant rip-off!" Goku turned Super Saiyan and started kicking Sonic's ass.

One beating later, Sonic fell to the ground and the Chaos Emeralds scattered away. Now that Sonic was back to his regular form, Goku said "My work here is done!" before flying off.

Sonic got up and saw that Perfect Chaos was still around. He then said "Whoa…all of this water is giving me the urge to go to the bathroom!" So he went into a nearby building to fulfill his bodily needs.

Meanwhile, Tails shouted "Damn it! Without our climactic fight, how can we defeat Chaos now?"

Just then, a flushing sound was heard. This was followed by Chaos suddenly sinking into the ground while screaming in agony. As Perfect Chaos disappeared, Sonic came out of the nearby building saying "All done! Now it's time to watch Chaos destroy the world-WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Tails said "I think that, by flushing the toilet, Sonic defeated Perfect Chaos and saved us all."

Knuckles asked "You mean like in Futurama? Cool!"

Chaos then appeared in its Chaos Zero form, and Tikal approached it happily. Tikal said "By defeating Chaos, Sonic must have neutralized its anger so that now Chaos doesn't want to kill us all!"

Tails commented "That makes absolutely no sense!"

Sonic replied "Then it's just as usual for us!"

A group of Chao appeared nearby, and Tikal said to Chaos "These Chao are what you used to protect. As you can see, they've survived all this time without you…so you're basically useless!"

Tikal and Chaos then grabbed each others' hands and flew up as a bright light surrounded them and the Chao. Then a huge flash occurred, and that group went on to the afterlife or the past or another dimension or some bullcrap like that to keep them from appearing in another Sonic game ever again.

Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles stood on a nearby ledge as this scene unfolded. Knuckles asked "Well, now 4Kids has been stopped. What cliché should we use to sum this all up?"

Sonic responded "Hmm…how about we don't use a cliché this time so that our viewers don't get pissed off?"

Tails said "No way! How about 'all's well that ends well'? Yes, I've found it!"

Sonic sighed and said "Good. Now if you excuse me, I have to go make another suicide attempt!" Sonic then jumped off the edge of the building and failed as usual.

* * *

**And now for an ending similar to that of Animal House!**

* * *

Tails would continue to fight allegations that the fox was secretly a chick. The rumors would reach the point where Tails couldn't enter a bar without a guaranteed spanking by a tough biker. Alongside a glomping by a yaoi fan girl.

Amy continued to shop until she became the number one worldwide import of pink dresses.

Knuckles would later on work hard and study until he became a highly regarded professor at Harvard, Oxford, Yale, MIT-aw screw it! He actually just continued to guard a glowing rock.

Big would continue to fish. This highly ambitious career would make him rich enough to escape SEGA before the horror known as Sonic 06 could reach him.

Gamma…well, you know what happened. Haven't you read Chapter 21?! Get that memory working again, damn it!

Eggman would continue to buy product made in Korea until the writers decided to just give him a whole space colony in the next game.

Sonic continued to be the usual pun-filled douchebag we know and hate. Little did he know that SEGA was about to bring in an emo hedgehog that would take Sonic's spot as the top Sonic bishie…

THE PLAYER teased the crap out of this game, and was now ready to repress this game out of his/her memories.

LittleKuriboh and NCHammer326 teamed up in one of the greatest lawsuits in history to get jackattack555 out of every laugh gained from the attempt to combine their two styles of humor.

* * *

**Well, that's it for Sonic Adventure. Please do tell what the best jokes/lines/characters/chapters/all of the above were in this fic! It's kind of strange that I've finished this parody right around the time that Sonic: Truth or Dare has been deleted by the site. This is the beginning of a new step for my writing…**


End file.
